Why Your Team Sucks 2019: Miami Dolphins (Deadspin)
12 replies
Not So Fastforum_veteranOPhttps://deadspin.com/why-your-team-sucks-2019-miami-dolphins-1837009764
I’m floored this team won seven games. I really am. It’s a legitimate accomplishment given that this team’s resting state is “What if the Jaguars, but no identity?” Did you know the 2018 Dolphins started off a red-hot 3-0? Do you remember them beating the Pats on a miracle lateral play at the gun (the Dolphins lost every remaining game after they pulled that off; the Pats would go on to win the Super Bowl)? I completely forgot about all that. I am fucking terrible at my job.
Regardless, I just cannot believe that anything good happened to this team last season. That’s just proof for you that no matter how badly you fuck up in the NFL, there’s always the hope that you’ll encounter another team ready to fuck up even worse. Despite the occasional triumph, the Dolphins were the latter kind of team for the better part of 2018. They started Brock Osweiler five times. They lost William Hayes to an exploded ACL when he tried to hold up on a sack. They blew a 17-0 lead to the Bengals. Even Northwestern could hold onto a 17-0 lead against that team. They watched their own wideout get superplexed by Leonard Floyd. They tried to make Ryan Tannehill a thing for the 95th consecutive season and he ended up coming down with a Jeremy Maclin–approved Mystery Ailment that the team tried (and naturally failed) to keep under wraps, Belichick-style. Kiko Alonso is lucky Vontaze Burfict exists because otherwise everyone would realize what a dirty piece of shit he is.
Oh, and they kept paying Adam Gase to brood like he was at a My Chemical Romance reunion show. While he wasn’t busying trying to keep his eyeballs from falling out of their sockets like a pair of novelty slinky glasses, Gase whiled away his time on the sidelines stewing over his own fuckups and inexplicably freezing out his best players. How did they win anything at all? Ever? Well, such nagging questions won’t be an issue this season, because this is now the worst fucking roster in the NFL.
KeyFinforum_veteranLOL, the article's not wrong....last year was a tough one on many different levels. The only problem is that this year will likely be worse.
Winning football games at any level comes down to winning in the trenches.
Damn the truth hurts
texanphinaticforum_veteranThe team’s leadership ditched their iconic helmet logo in favor of something that looks like the logo for a major bank that’s had a significant data leak in the past year.
Preach!
Also, the Bills and Jets articles are also up for reading. The Bills seemed especially brutal.
Best quote in there IMO is from Armando:
The Dolphins have needed to tank for years and they can’t even do that right.
I can live with a really bad season if it's part of a longer term plan, but if they mess up this rare chance to solve the QB situation in 2020 because of Fitz or something else.. &#$%*%.. I think I'll be done with Ross.
But that's a future that hasn't happened yet. For now I'm just happy we got rid of Gase and Tannehill and we're trying something new.
Maybe I've been reading the forums too much, but I've seen a lot worse written about our team.
Puka-headsubscriberCan't argue with any of that.
The Kendrick Norton Def Leopard comment was out of bounds if you ask me however. No need to be a prick.
And Mandi is a jester fan.
HooligansubscriberJust pure comedy. Miami will be the Cinderella story this season. The team will ramp it up a notch or two, (a la Major League) just to spite the owner. Go deep into the play-offs. Man, I could dig a chocolate chip cookie.
Vertical Limitforum_veteranThats all they got? I read worse on Finheaven everyday.
Puka-headsubscriber"Vertical Limit wrote:
Thats all they got? I read worse on Finheaven everyday.
You do wash your hands before coming here after being on THAT site I hope.
Vertical Limitforum_veteran"Puka-head wrote:
You do wash your hands before coming here after being on THAT site I hope.
I dont even login. Not worth even offering a comment..
firedanforum_veteran"Vertical Limit wrote:
I dont even login. Not worth even offering a comment..
And Bill Clinton never inhaled.Or had sex with that woman.
Phil Hutchingsforum_veteranConsidering the number of false dawns we have seen over the years, I think we all have to be patient and give the new regime a chance for at least two or three years.
I like the way we are recruiting young players, who will grow together as a group (hopefully).
Flores' success at New England is no guarantee that he will make a great or even good head coach, but I believe we have to get behind him and his assistants for the foreseeable future.
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