1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

What would you ask Sparano or say to him if you were Ross?

Discussion in 'Miami Dolphins Forum' started by Da 'Fins, Jan 3, 2011.

  1. Da 'Fins

    Da 'Fins Season Ticket Holder Club Member

    23,321
    19,479
    113
    Dec 19, 2007
    Birmingham, AL
    My questions:

    1. What do you think, overall, are the problems with the team and coaches?

    2. What particular (not some general platitude such as, 'the buck stops here') culpability do you accept in this season? What areas did you fail and how do you plan to change?

    3. What coaching changes, if any, do you think need to be made?

    4. What player personnel changes need to be made? How do you plan to make those?

    5. Particularly - what are your thoughts about improving the QB position? (be candid and honest about Mr. Henne).

    What I would be looking for is:

    - Personal responsibility from Sparano: failing to build the OL. Musical chairs does not work and why he failed to build an improved line in three years. How he expects it will be much improved next year. Can he say with any reasonable degree of confidence that he can do this? Why should I think he can since he has failed for three years?
    - I'd also be waiting to hear him say something about poor clock management and if he didn't I'd wait until he was finished and then point out multiple times where the team was disorganized in this area (through the past few years).
    - Further I'd expect him to say something about settling for FG's too often and failures to be aggressive in the opponents territory.

    - Recognition that Henne is not the guy; that the RB's are old and slow and need to be replaced as well. How he plans to improve and find a new QB.

    - A recognition that the offensive staff needs to go and a willingness to seek out the best young offensive mind available to come in and run the offense.


    Your thoughts?
     
    The G Man likes this.
  2. gunn34

    gunn34 I miss Don & Dan

    21,763
    3,477
    113
    Jan 5, 2008
    Oviedo FL
    Why is henning still here?
     
  3. Phinatic425

    Phinatic425 MIA State of Mind

    1,830
    515
    0
    Feb 19, 2010
    Upper Left Corner
    Why the **** didn't you fire Henning!?!?
     
    finyank13, DolfanJake and Bpk like this.
  4. schmolioot

    schmolioot Season Ticket Holder Club Member

    25,594
    15,775
    113
    Dec 3, 2007
    Orlando
    Only thing I would ask is if he wants a reference.

    But seriously, why should I let you anywhere near a rookie qb or let you trade a first round pick for Palmer or some other washed up veteran?
     
    DolfanJake likes this.
  5. adamprez2003

    adamprez2003 Senior Member

    37,402
    14,760
    113
    Nov 27, 2007
    new york ciity
    if i was ross i would simply tell him he did a good job with the defense but he has to fix the offense. he has one year to do it or he's gone. i dont care how he does it. its his *** on the line
     
  6. miamiron

    miamiron There's always next year

    2,354
    1,402
    113
    Jan 4, 2008
    Sean Murphy
    Andrew Gardner
    Donald Thomas
    Justin Smiley
    Jake Grove
    John Jerry
    Corey Procter
    Allen Barbre
    Ray Feinga
    Richie Incognito
    Matt Kopa
    Lydon Murtha

    What happened Tony and Jeff

    3 seasons of draft picks and free agents and this is the best
    that you can do...How can I trust you to draft a decent offensive line
    player without the number 1 drat pick?
     
  7. uab_phin

    uab_phin New Member

    284
    97
    0
    Dec 13, 2010
    I would do a word association:

    Say the first thing that comes to mind....

    Quarterback

    Field goal

    and so on.....
     
    Da 'Fins, Bpk and Pandarilla like this.
  8. NaboCane

    NaboCane Banned

    31,951
    11,899
    0
    Nov 24, 2007
    I wouldn't ask him ****.

    Sparano walks into my office; he extends his hand but I light a cigar instead without rising from my chair. He sits, somewhat perturbed.

    A side door flings open; two goons drag in Dan Henning, his hands and feet bound. He is bloody and bruised. They throw him to the floor; Sparano takes it all in, horror washing over him. He squirms in his chair and looks at me incredulously.

    I nod to one of the henchmen; he pulls a silenced FN Herstal .45 from a shoulder holster. He flicks off the safety and aims it at Henning's head; he pulls the trigger.

    Even silenced, the large-caliber round rips the air before it with a loud whooshing sound. Sparano lets out a yelp, and the look of horror turns to revulsion as most of Henning's head sploshes over Sparano, covering his shoes, drenching his pants legs and his lap with blood and hair an
    d bits of skull. Through the abject terror, Sparano feels something soft and warm on his face and the front of his shirt, and only then realizes it is part of Henning's brain.

    "What the ****! Are you crazy?!"

    Coolly, I answer; "I don't know...would it make YOU crazy, you think, to see an incompetent moron devalue your nine hundred million dollar investment by making stupid ****ing decisions like keeping his *** hole buddy in a job for which he's clearly not qualified anymore?

    Sparano stares, disbelieving. "What...what the **** did you call me here for? To watch you commit murder?"

    I nod again, and the henchmen grab Sparano an
    d yank him roughly from his chair. One of them produces a large knife and cuts Sparano's belt and the waistline of his pants, loosening them suddenly so they fall down around his ankles. The other goon yanks Sparano's jacket and shirt up his back and over his head.

    Sparano's look has progressed from perturbed confusion, to horror, to terror, and now to a knowing fear as he stands naked in front of my desk, the sudden chill and fear contracting every pore on his body. A faint odor of urine wafts from his direction now. He shakes visibly.

    His mouth is open in a grimace, but he makes no sound; it's as if words have now failed him forever.

    But when the goons force him forward, over the desk, he does let out a sudden whimper - then a scream, which is stifled just as suddenly by the force of his face smacking the smooth, polished wood top of the desk.

    "How do you want it?" I ask him.

    "What?! Nabo, seriously, What are you doing?! C'mon man, you can't..."

    His voice catches as the cold steel of the .45 comes to rest between his asscheeks.

    An agonized, sustained cry escapes him...and now he does fully lose control of his bladder.

    "In the head...or up the ***?" I ask him.

    Blubbering, he manages, "Wait...Nabo, please! Don't do this! I won't tell anybody about Henning...no one will ever know, I SWEAR IIIIIITTT..."

    His voice rises in a furtive squeal as he hears the gun's safety disengage again.

    The smell of piss and fear pervades the room now; there can no longer be any doubt what is occurring here.

    Sparano sobs openly now.

    "I'm sorry! I'm SORRY! He was my friend, I wanted to be loyal..."

    "YOU RUINED MY ****ING TEAM!" Livid now, I lose my composure and scream at the pudgy, soiled little mustachio'd man leaving piss stains on my floor and tears and snot on my nice desk.

    "YOU RUINED MY SEASON! YOU TOOK THREE ****ING YEARS OF MY LIFE, YOU AND YOUR SENILE OLD **** OF A FRIEND!"

    A wail explodes from the little man as the muzzle of the gun inches deeper now; the goon looks at me coolly, tacitly asking my permission to continue.

    "One last time, Sparano; in your ****ing head, or in your ***? Take it in the head and you go out like a man...take it in the *** and you'll die like the rat **** that you are, over twenty minutes or more, agonizing the entire time. You may even live through it...although why you'd want to **** in a bag for the rest of your life..."

    Pausing, with a tone of disgust; "But it's up to you. Last decision you get to make, you ****."

    "Muh...maybe I'll live?" Sparano manages through the snot.

    A chuckle of disgust; "Yeah. Maybe you'll live. You piece of ****."

    Sparano barely whispers into the desk, "In the ***, then."

    Pausing to shake my head, I begin to leave the room.

    "When you've finished with him, leave him there beside his headless buddy. They can commiserate while this prick convulses until he dies."

    "And bring in Ireland."

    As I pour myself a drink, a shot rings out behind me...
     
    Phinatic425, Big E, Phins28 and 16 others like this.
  9. Pandarilla

    Pandarilla Purist Emeritus

    14,273
    4,989
    113
    Sep 10, 2009
    Boone, NC
    Ironically, that had to be one of the most therapeutic examples of posting I've ever read. You must have had a lot of fun writing that. Nice use of the words furtive and tacitly BTW...
     
    NaboCane likes this.
  10. Pandarilla

    Pandarilla Purist Emeritus

    14,273
    4,989
    113
    Sep 10, 2009
    Boone, NC
    I'd hire Samuel L Jackson to reprise his role from Pulp Fiction...

    [​IMG]

    "Does Mr. Ross Look like a *****!?!"
     
    Big E, AdamC13, SICK and 7 others like this.
  11. NaboCane

    NaboCane Banned

    31,951
    11,899
    0
    Nov 24, 2007
    :lol: Is "What" an Offense you run? THEY RUN SLANTS IN "WHAT"?
     
    HardKoreXXX, finyank13, SICK and 7 others like this.
  12. Bpk

    Bpk Premium Member Luxury Box

    Man. I just realized I take football way too seriously. It's a game. Where people chase leather filled with air around on grass.
     
  13. Zod

    Zod Ruler of the Universe

    3,415
    1,557
    113
    Nov 25, 2007
    After 16 weeks of football, I have one question:

    "Why did Chad Henne never throw deep into Cover2?"

    The answer to that question will answer numerous others.....
     
    Paul 13 and adamprez2003 like this.
  14. adamprez2003

    adamprez2003 Senior Member

    37,402
    14,760
    113
    Nov 27, 2007
    new york ciity
    were you an only child? lol. great read though
     
    NaboCane likes this.
  15. Clipse

    Clipse mediocrity sucks

    7,985
    1,895
    113
    Sep 27, 2009
    Roanoke, Virginia
    Cya.
     
  16. CaribPhin

    CaribPhin Guest

    amil...err Nabo, nice.

    [​IMG]
     
    SICK and NaboCane like this.
  17. DolfanJake

    DolfanJake Banned

    9,069
    802
    0
    Jan 15, 2010
    West Miami-Dade County
    Exactly, why let Sparano anywhere near a QB
     
    jetssuck likes this.
  18. DolfanJake

    DolfanJake Banned

    9,069
    802
    0
    Jan 15, 2010
    West Miami-Dade County
    :sidelol:
    The post of the ****ing century ! BRAVO ! :up::up::up:
     
    NaboCane likes this.
  19. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh Club Member

    72,252
    43,680
    113
    Nov 27, 2007
    A word to the wise, use extreme caution when offering Nabo a fist.
     
  20. The G Man

    The G Man Git 'r doooonnne!!!

    7,010
    5,271
    113
    Mar 18, 2009
    Nabo, you a writer? 'Cause if not, you sure as hell should be. That was frickin' brilliant my man. Really. :knucks:

    As for my conversation with Mr. Sparano, it would be would be something along the lines of The Donald on The Apprentice. Following that theme, I'd have Sparano, Henning, Lee, the receivers, runningbacks & O-line coaches all called to "The Board Room." I'd have them gathered and make them wait at least 10-15 minutes before entering. I'd then begin my interview, which would really be more of an interrogation.

    I'd start with Saparano. And, I'd ask a few questions, but in very general terms. Things like "can you explain why we seem to be going in the wrong direction as a franchise in your third year as a HC? Why we lost seven out of eight home games, and four out of the last five games this season? And, why there was no apparent stability at several key positions, including but not limited to our starting QB, again three years into your time as our HC?"

    I'd then make my way down the lines of assistant coaches asking a few more specific questions, both of the team, and how it is being run by Sparano. I'd be sure to ask each of them who they thought should be fired, because "as you all know...someone is going to be fired." I'd work them over, slowly breaking them down and turning them on each other as if they were inmates all fighting for the same pardon.

    I'd spend more time on Henning. With him, I'd make my attack more personal and more intense. I would question his play calling, obviously. But, I'd also ask him things like "what, if any adjustments did you make during the season?" I'd ask him his thoughts on your Mr. Henne. To his shock and surprise, I'd then play a short video of young Mr. Henne previously recorded in which, during a similar line of questioning, young Chad not only threw Mr. Henning under the bus, he also then backed up and ran over the elder Henning repeatedly. Not satisfied with the Henne interview, I would then play similar video testimonies from several other key players. I would then play a secretly recorded exchange between Henning and Parcells in which Henning, after being asked by Parcells how he thought he was going to be able to avoid any personal responsibility for the ineptitude of the offense is recorded as saying "don't worry Bill, I can pin the blame on a young QB who is slow to understand the intricacies of reading defenses." He would then go on to say "besides, I'm gonna retire at the end of the season anyway, so who gives a ****?!" Once done with the videos, I would turn to Henning, and I would tell him "not only are you fired, but I promise you I will make your life a living hell until the day you die. When the IRS comes calling, and wants to audit you, it's because of me. When you are pulled over and issued a sobriety test every time you leave your golf country club, it's because of me. When you are denied or delayed of medical treatment the next time you rushed to your local emergency room (this time leaning in over the table, eyes narrowing, brow furrowed, voice tightened down to barely a whisper as I point my finger towards my chest)...it's because of ME! Now, get your a** out of my board room, and off my facility"! (Security already at his side, snatching him out of his chair and dragging him out of the board room).

    As the drama of Henning being forcefully removed from the board room was still unfolding, I would start to work my way back through the assistant coaches. And, one by one, slowly and without any mercy I would terminate each and every one of them until no one was left...except Sparano. I would then pause for several minutes. I would refer to my notes, deliberately, while he became even more uncomfortable. I would gesture over to one of my many assistants, and as they leaned in I would whisper something (nothing really) into their ear, at which point they would leave the room. All the while acting as if he wasn't even there. After several minutes, he would become so uncomfortable with the situation, he would have to ask..."what about me sir?" At which point I would pull out a cigar, lean back in my chair, and once an assistant had sufficiently lighted my stogie, and I had drawn a deep drag from the contraband laced Cuban, I would begin...

    "Tony, I like you. Really, I do. And, I know the players like you too. But, and here's the rub...I don't want a coach that my players like. I want a coach that my players fear." (at which point I'd be adjusting my monitor so he could see). I'd then press a key and a short slide show would begin. Images would neatly fade in and out as I continued..."Don Shula, great coach. Took no s**t. Won two championships in this town back in the early 70's. Back then, this team was a dynasty. It's been 37 years since this town crowned a champion NFL football team. Thirty seven f***ing years Tony. That's a long time. Too long. Now, when I bought this team, I basically inherited you as the team's HC. And, since I was advised it was in the best interest of the team to retain you as the HC, and being a reasonable man that tries to keep an open mind, I did exactly that. But Tony, you have done a miserable job. You really have. You pinned your hopes to a senile old fart as your OC and a QB prospect that many, myself included, doubt will ever be a starting caliber QB in the NFL. Not only that Tony, but I think you're in over your head. Because when I watch the games, you do really do some stupid things. You really do." Not waiting for a reply, I then lean back over the table, and I say to him directly and without hesitation, as my eyes glare into his..."Tony...this town and this team deserve better. I'm sorry, but...you're fired." By this time the same security detail that escorted Henning out has returned and is at Sparano's side. As they reach down to help Sparano to his feet, I turn away from him in disgust. While doing so, I reach down and push the intercom button and bark to the woman on the other end "send in Ireland! And, hold all my calls!"
     
    DolfanJake and NaboCane like this.
  21. finyank13

    finyank13 Reality Check

    30,774
    5,433
    113
    Jan 6, 2010
    You are lying Nabo, you know you would just bring them to your basement.....seriously stop trying to act normal...:shifty:
     
    NaboCane likes this.
  22. finyank13

    finyank13 Reality Check

    30,774
    5,433
    113
    Jan 6, 2010
    Coaching staff had no faith and according to Ricky......micromanged everything...
     
  23. Garryowen

    Garryowen New Member

    1,052
    243
    0
    Nov 26, 2007
    Our meeting would be short. I don't think Tony's the sort of man that needs to get
    coddled, or have smoke blown up his rear.

    "Look, Tony. I'm sure you aren't happy with the way the product is, nor am I.
    You and Jeff need to get this thing going in the right direction in short order.
    I wouldn't have stuck with you if I didn't believe you have the tools, but, at
    the same time I've got an obligation to the people that pay the money to keep
    this train rolling to provide a great experience for them. That's not happening
    right now. It needs to."

    That's pretty much the "Meeting"
     
  24. CaribPhin

    CaribPhin Guest

    I think the gunplay scenario is their best bet. Dying swift. Imagine the horrors they would suffer in that basement. Then again...they are over the age of consent so it might not even matter.
     
    NaboCane likes this.
  25. Zod

    Zod Ruler of the Universe

    3,415
    1,557
    113
    Nov 25, 2007
    I think I will just take this as a facetious comment.
     
  26. NaboCane

    NaboCane Banned

    31,951
    11,899
    0
    Nov 24, 2007
    Well, you're the expert.
     
    jetssuck and CaribPhin like this.
  27. Desides

    Desides Season Ticket Holder Club Member

    38,945
    20,022
    113
    Nov 28, 2007
    Pembroke Pines, FL
    There’s more masturbation going on in this thread than in any post made in the Ladies Lounge.
     
    jetssuck and DolfanJake like this.
  28. DolfanJake

    DolfanJake Banned

    9,069
    802
    0
    Jan 15, 2010
    West Miami-Dade County
    I, I, I.......don't get it ? (but Sick & his listeners will get this one!)
     
  29. CaribPhin

    CaribPhin Guest

    Ew. That's like beating it to a Vicky Secrets catalogue. You should ask Muck to let you into the REAL Ladies Lounge. Usually only the high level clearance members can get in. I'll put in a good word for you though.
     
  30. mroz

    mroz Rosen is a franchise QB Club Member

    17,822
    10,805
    113
    Oct 26, 2008
    SF Bay Area
    I would ask him how long it is going to take to cleanout his office!
     
  31. mroz

    mroz Rosen is a franchise QB Club Member

    17,822
    10,805
    113
    Oct 26, 2008
    SF Bay Area
    hate to reply to my own post but let me change that:

    Tony how long is it going to take you to get out of Jim Harbaughs office?
     
  32. CaribPhin

    CaribPhin Guest

    They invented the Edit button right around the time of sliced bread.
     

Share This Page