...some infidelity in my parents' 15 year-old marriage. Infidelity on my father's side. I'll leave out details or what the evidence may be but it is of the communications sort. Needless to say I am not at all happy at having just learned this, and frankly have no clue as to how to deal with this. Respect for my dad —or more accurately, "step-father" is quickly disintegrating. Being now 20, this is a man who'd raised me since I was 5, and someone who, although not perfect, is/was someone I've in the past, frequented for advice. At this time, I'm not sure where to go for advice given the circumstances so I come here. Then there's my mother. She'd expressed some concerns and suspicions in the past to me personally, given my dad's recent trips out of town. I don't feel she should learn this from me, because I really don't want to be the one to confirm these suspicions. The implications have not yet settled in and I've not considered all the possibilities. Who do I talk to? What is to be done? What happens now? Thanks in advance
This. And don't be too quick to condemn your step father. Marriage is one of the toughest I've ever experienced. When I was 20 I had no idea. I am not defending his actions, but give him a chance to explain himself, that's all.
Agree with the previous two posts. Your dad helped you fix stuff in your life that Im sure you have made mistakes with. See if he will own up to his responsibility to be faithful to your mom. Some people can give advice and cant take it, some people can talk about right and wrong but cant act on it. You'll find out a lot about your stepdad for better or worse. Best wishes dude. Keep us updated.
I would also concur. It is NOT your place to talk to your Mom at least not yet. But a talk with your step-father is in order. Let him know that since you found out others could also and under no circumstances do you want your Mom hurt any worse than necessary. Urge them into some good counseling. This situation can be brought back from the brink if both parties are willing to put in the work. It will hurt but it can be very much worth it. You have my prayers.
Help him cover it up and keep it quiet with the understanding that it will only be a fling and not a ongoing affair. Your mom is probably not giving him enough "attention" and he needs an outlet. Don't be a playa hater. NEVER hate the player...HATE the game.
It's all fun and games til' you "get pulled out of your crashed Escalade at 2AM Thanksgiving Night, bloodied and unconscious by your surprisingly strong yet loving wife"
Gotta tell ya, blaming the wife (Mom) in this scenario doesn't make a lot of sense nor is it likely to help the situation. If step dad cheated that was his choice, his bad choice, and he needs to own it not go off with some lousy excuse of "I wasn't being appreciated enough...". That kind of entitlement thinking gets people into situations like this. It does not solve them imo.
Look, this is how you deal with it. First, tell your mom. She leaves him. She gets an orangutan. I'm not talking a little monkey or some dancing chimp bull****, I mean a ****ing orangutan. Don't ask me how you're gonna get a ****ing orangutan, that's not my problem. So the orangutan's name is Clyde. This is non-negotiable, all orangutans are named Clyde. I don't know why that is, it's just how the world works. So she and Clyde become woman (and ape) about town. They're seen everywhere together. Her and friends go out in big groups. She spots him and talks loud, and laughs louder. Every time your mom says something witty she high-fives the orangutan. The town begins to buzz. It gets back to him. "Did you know the woman with the orangutan?", "You were married to the woman with the orangutan?", "Why would you break up with a woman with an orangutan?" Next thing she knows he's calling. "I'm hoping we can still be friends. Wanna get together sometime." "Geez I dunno, me and Clyde were going to go to a monster truck race tonight. (orangutans love monster trucks) In fact the whole social calender seems kinda full. I tell you what, I'll make a little note (what was your name again?) and maybe I can squeeze you in." "Oh, well you know my number so don't be a stra-" "Hey look at the time! I gotta skate, Clyde's making Mojitos'." At this point the upper hand is hers. She can let him twist in the wind, she can draw him back into her life at the pace she decides. Whatever, it's her life. But if she's a smart woman? She slowly phases him back in. They're IM'ng. Talking on Live. She gets invited to family functions. She brings Clyde, he becomes like one of the family. You're one big Brady Bunch.
Cool! Ask your pops if she has a daughter for you! Maybe you two could double date and do a little switcher-roo!
Let me be the guy who tries to bring this thread back and at the same time say something about "love". LOVE is much more than the emotional feeling a person gets inside. That version of love is self centered and narrow minded. I loved my first wife very much. We were intimate regularly and our life, while it had its ups and downs, was good. Want to know the most loving thing we ever did? While she was in the midst of chemotherapy she got violently ill. Because of her earlier polio she couldn't get out of her chair quickly enough and vomited all over herself. I wiped her off, picked her up, carried her to the bath tub and set her down. I then drew her a warm bath, undressed her, and lifted her into the tub. While she relaxed there, I washed her clothes and cleaned up her chair. I then returned to the bathroom, cleaned her, washed her hair, and rinsed her off. After lifting her out of the tub, I dressed her and put her to bed. When she died, I wept but I knew I had "loved" her "in sickness and in health".
Whatever makes them happy, just be happy for your parents.....My parents are divorced, I am happy they are happy...
I agree with finyank. If your pops getting some strange gets your mom one less smack from him you should be happy.
