Cheese-like-loaf really is the best way to describe Velveeta. Toll booth operators were people that were turned down for jobs at DMV for not being friendly enough. You can in fact make Kraft Macaroni & Cheese in the microwave but it's a poor idea to do so. Taco Bell, no matter what product, will be like a Japanese rocket train through your colon Sometimes fish die when you clean the tank because they've grown used to the sludge. Never trust a toddler to indicate "Where's daddy's eye?" without expecting a three stooges moment. Home Depot & Walmart have an interchangeable staff of people who would rather be doing something else than helping you. You know your standards have changed when you say "wow she's hot" and you are referencing the girl in the progressive insurance commercial. If you find yourself stuck in an office for several hours with a person that's used to working alone expect to hear details that you can only try scrubbing from your brain with 151 proof rum. Single ply toilet paper will make you regret the purchase. Toilet paper is one of those things that you really get what you pay for. Referring to the color your wife picked out for the bathroom as "poop brown" will certainly end any hopes of lovin' for that evening. If anyone asks for it the definition of music is the first 35 seconds of the song "Superstition" by Stevie Wonder. If your ceiling is 7 feet taller than your ladder and you need to cut in the top of the wall make sure your insurance is current. Never get in too much of a hurry while eating and bite your own finger. Twice. Also never tell a person that you've bitten your own finger while eating because it will make them very hesitant to share any food that requires them reaching in front of you to pick up. If a pan just comes out of the oven don't pick it up. Skin sticks to hot metal. Skin stuck to hot metal smells horrible. Never try to shorten a piece of wood with a hammer. You should never throw a cat in the air and then try to catch it.
Now that's a suggestion I've never heard. I may do that if for no other reason than to confuse my wife when she opens the door to cook dinner.
I wanted to post this but didn't want to make an actual thread. I need a junk catch all thread. Great T-Shirt
If you ingest a diet high in "crunchberries" be prepared for the after effects of eating that much food grade dye.
It's a lot like ear hair one day you just wake up and it's there. Isn't really a period of recognizable change.
She's cute enough and I certainly see her appeal but it's the other girl in the commercial that I have the hots for. This girl I think
Once you see her in the Glade Plugins Yoga commercial, you'll rethink your stance... ...at least I did. [ame]http://de.youtube.com/watch?v=E4jScvBuGHI&feature=related[/ame]
I would ask for a link but I'm afraid it would just burst my bubble. Plus, odds are I've already seen the commercial and just didn't recognize her. Blissful ignorance is my stance.
Continue your blissful ignorance... I, too, thought Flo was awful cute... Apparently she's high maintenance...
Now that girl in the Geico commercial on the beach with the metal detector guy that looks like John C. Reilly is another story.
God this thread is like someone plunged into my brain and pulled out all the stuff I hide from the world. Eerie actually as the Doc said. Plus I always liked the woman in the Glade commercials she sort of looks deranged but eh so what.
I have a new "I learned" this evening gang. If you tell a 16 month toddler "give mommy five across the eyes", you'll quickly learn two things. Kids that age know a lot more than you think they might and that mommy gets cross after being sucker punched by a toddler.
You'll learn this one soon enough: Wrestling a two-year old can hurt a lot more than you'd ever imagine... ...mostly if you finish wrestling first and he doesn't realize it.
You would think I would be prepared after watching my brothers kids clobber him in the balls in those exact scenarios.
Doesn't even have to be in the balls... I was finished wrestling and was laying on my side watching TV when my boy jumped on my ribs knees first, plowing the other side of my rib cage into the ground... I swore he had broken my ribs... Turns out he just bruised 'em real good.
Ah sorry, that actually made me laugh out loud because I know as sure as I sit here that's what my future holds.
Things i've learned: Don't stick your hand into a pot of rice. It is hot. And it burns. And it will burn long after you rinse the rice off your hand. 151 and Wild Turkey do not mix. They are a recipe for anger. No matter how hard you try some things just aren't meant to be. If you hit a wall out of anger and find a stud the stud will win 100% of the time. Do not fight walls. When you have writers block just keep writing. Or as Neil Young put it "just keep creating. even if it's all **** eventually it'll turn out great". If someone else has said something better than you ever could quote them and give proper credit. No use reinventing the wheel unless you can improve upon it. If you get in trouble you can always ask for a bailout.
It only took me about a half dozen times a few broken fingers and a dented knuckle (did you know you could dent bone? - I didn't) to come to that exact same realization.
If you enjoy going "hands free" while standing & stretching at the toilet for your first fluid purge of the day and you sneeze you need fast hands otherwise you have to scrub the walls.
^ If you're drunk you had better be using your hands otherwise you will have to scrub the walls. And the floor. And probably the toilet and the area directly outside the bathroom as well.
Always wash your hands before and after you pee when eating Buffalo Wings. That's a real story and it hurt.