1. If you get pizza from a chain joint instead of a mom & pop place, you did it wrong. 2. Real men don't eat toasted bagels. 3. Putting A-1 on a steak is only acceptable if the steak sucks. Even then don't make it obvious. Ketchup is never acceptable. 4. Salad bars are for women. Continue the list with your own.
5 go to philly for cheesesteaks. anything else is not a cheesesteak. or a sub, or a hoagie, or anything remotely close. the tri-state region is probably the best, and even if the place is called "mike from philly's" cheesesteaks unless the guy is actually from philly it still doesn't count. 6 put cheese whiz on it when you get it. at least once. 7 if you're going to make a philly cheesesteak the trick is to use rib eye or angus beef and shave it thinly
11) If you are hanging with Rex Ryan, none of these rules apply to you/your crew. Save for the Taco Bell & Salad Bar part.
if you go to a chinese resturant and get the gumbo off the buffet line you lose all rights to complain about how bad said gumbo is.
13. When eating at a buffet,if something doesn't taste good don't complain and continue to eat it. 14. Don't call it a barbecue if there are just hot dogs and hamburgers. 15. Food like pizza and hamburgers are not meant to be eaten with a fork and knife.
16. If you order a coffee at Starbucks...screw them and their snarky, trendy, size names. Order the gods damned Medium and call it a Medium. And yeah, as some else eluded to...don't order the fancy pants crap. Be a man and order a regular *** coffee.
Related: 22) When making jalapeno hot sauce, wash your hands before taking a leak (happened to a co-worker when I used to work in a restaurant during my college years...damn funny.....for me..not him).
First of all, toasted bagels RULE.. So STFU on that one. 24) Frozen Pina Coladas are for sissies. 25) Arby's Roast Beef Sandwich is NOT roast beef. 26) Miller Lite will not reduce the beer gut you already have and still tastes like sh*t
28) Sporks are deadly weapons. Always treat your spork with respect and in turn it will save your life one day.
29) Size does matter when it comes to sausage and hot dogs.. The bigger the better. 30) Sauerkraut was invented in heaven by god himself. 31) If this thread is larger than Sections Porn Parody thread we will be required to chug down an entire bottle of Tabasco.
Sure they do. Is it because the crunchy texture helps balance the smooth milky texture of your appletini flavored cream cheese? Or were you born with both sets of genitalia?
33) If you are eating at Denny's and want to bang the waitress you have probably had waaaay to much to drink and are in danger of dying of alcohol poisoning.
34) When the biggest dude in the room asks for your cornbread you should never give it to him. If he wants some cornbread, let him go up to the front and get his own portion of cornbread, that's your cornbread, **** him. If you let have your cornbread, you're gonna be ironin' his drawers and clippin' his toenails.
On a side note: You can't have my cornbread. That's for damn sure. You try and take my cornbread, Killing Spree, Part 2 gon' begin up in here on your ***. You thinking about my cornbread, better get the taste out your mouth. That's for damn sure. **** that, 'cause I'm from New York City, goddammit. Nobody take no cornbread from me. That goes for anyone of you mother****ing farmers who wanna start some ****. You **** around with me, there's gonna be consequences and repercussions.
35) Salad is not a meal, and if you do get a side salad with your steak or other manly meat, only ceasar salad is allowed 36) Meat to non-meat ration during any non-breakfast meal must always be over 1.5:1 37) Ribs must be eaten off the bone using your hands, any utensil use is punishable by a smack across the face
does the 5 second rule ever really apply??? speaking of burritos... 38A) Burritos must be picked up and eaten with hands regardless of how absurdly large said burrito is. Items that fall out of the burrito can be eaten with a utensil only after the rest of the burrito is finished.
39. When making a sandwich for anyone other than yourself, do NOT assume that Miracle Whip is a good substitute for mayonnaise.
They have, by far, the most annoying commercials I've ever seen. Apparently they think the way to sell Fauxnaisse, is to make it a symbol of a young people's revolution. Soooooooooooooooooo effing stupid.
41) If you don't wake up the next morning and fart for like 45 seconds while taking the morning piss, you didn't really eat much of a meal the night before.
