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Teaching your kids without insulting other family members...

Discussion in 'Questions and Answers' started by Unlucky 13, Jan 31, 2017.

  1. Unlucky 13

    Unlucky 13 Team Raheem Club Member

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    Hey guys, I wasn't sure to put this here or in the outreach forum, but I thought that this was likely the more appropriate spot.

    I have two girls. The oldest is five, and the younger will be three soon. My older daughter started kindergarden this year, and has gotten to the age where she's seeing things in the world beyond what we specifically teach her, and asking a lot of questions about what she sees. Thats great, and shes a smart kid that we want to encourage. Shes also a good listener who takes the advice that my wife and I give her to heart.

    Which brings me to the basis of my question. She knows that smoking is a thing, and that some adults do it. Neither my wife nor I have smoked a single cigarette or used tobacco at all in our entire lives. My parents have never smoked, nor have my wife's. However, my wife's brother and his wife do, as do several other members of our family on her side.

    When I was a kid growing up in the 80s, my parents were very straightforward about it. Smoking is stupid, it makes you sick, it kills you and kills the people you love who are around you. It also forces those who do it to waste huge amounts of money on the habit. There are no good reasons to do it. They were very clear and very vocal, and required that both of my grandfathers quit smoking when I was born before they were allowed to be around me and my siblings.

    I want to be as clear as my parents were. However, I also don't want to step on a minefield by telling her those same things, only to have her repeat them to my wife's family members and create a situation, which could then lead to friction between my wife and I. They aren't bad people, they're just people who are making a very bad choice. But thats a big concept for a five year old to wrap her head around.

    Have any of you guys covered this with your kids? What methods did you choose?
     
    Ohiophinphan likes this.
  2. danmarino

    danmarino Tua is H1M! Club Member

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    I'm sure your brother-in-law knows the dangers and downsides to smoking. Just be honest with your girls about those dangers and if/when they bring it up to your in-laws let your in-laws explain to them why they still smoke. That's what I did. And when my girls asked their grandparents about them smoking they told my girls that they were making bad choices. And that was the end of it...
     
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  3. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh

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    I smoked for over 20 years. It is stupid. I'm not stupid but I made a stupid decision for starting smoking.

    That's how you teach it and teach two lessons at once: 1. Smoking is stupid. 2. Non-stupid people can make stupid decisions.
     
  4. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh

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    So how did you end up tackling this and what happened?
     
  5. Unlucky 13

    Unlucky 13 Team Raheem Club Member

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    We've been straight with her. That we aren't sure why her relatives or other adults would smoke, but that she shouldn't go near them when they do. Its a long process though, since we're talking about a five year old. Not one conversation, but hundreds over the years, I'm sure. One piece of the larger picture of living a safe, healthy life.
     
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  6. MikeHoncho

    MikeHoncho -=| Censored |=-

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    I say just beat your kids like FinD does. Just a good ole upside-the-head every now and then. Really helps with their self-worth; they respond to that kind of thing.
     
    Fin D likes this.
  7. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh

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    With a fist too. Don't raise no *****.
     
  8. texanphinatic

    texanphinatic Senior Member

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    AP-Style, use a switch.
     
  9. KeyFin

    KeyFin Well-Known Member

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    If you're still smoking, you're stupid. And I know that for a fact because I'm still smoking too. It's the most destructive, ridiculous habit I've ever picked up in life and I hate it...yet I'm still smoking because it's so addictive.

    Unlucky, I guarantee you that your relatives feel the same way...they are against smoking. They know they're idiots for lighting up. And if a little kid said something, no adult in their right mind would contradict that. Maybe a dumb 18-21 year old but that's it.

    Fin D- have you tried vaping yet? I'm down to about 3-6 cigs a day and doing extremely well with vapes. It satisfies the urge about 80-90 percent and my lungs are RIDICULOUSLY BETTER than they were a month ago. Seriously, I went two days without a cigarette at all when I first started vaping and I couldn't believe the difference- it was a massive, massive change. The liquids are glycerol, pure nicotine and flavoring...that's it. Your doctor will tell you that while they can't say vaping is 100% safe, they know for a fact that it's way healthier than cigarettes since you're not getting all the carcinogens.

    Seriously though, I breathe so much better now, I can actually smell things, and the doctors can physically see the difference in my heart/lungs on MRI's (remember, I had the heart attack a year ago at 43, so they follow up a lot with unnecessary tests). If anyone here smokes and you haven't tried vaping, please give it a try......feel free to PM me for details of what to grab, etc. It's way cheaper than smoking as well; you'll spend about $30-50 for a device and about $10 a week on liquids.
     
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  10. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh

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    No, I quit about 5-6 years ago now. Me and my wife quit at the same time.
     
    KeyFin likes this.
  11. KeyFin

    KeyFin Well-Known Member

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    Oh, awesome! My wife smokes too and that's the only way to do it. Good for you guys.
     
    Fin D likes this.

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