Damn I ****ed up...I had this appointment with a physciatrist later this month but I don't know the exact date or time I just know the address. I ws gonna get it from my new therapist but all of august when I didn't have one I decided I didn't want to open up to someone new so when they called I ignored their calls...now I don't know anything except one of the last tuesdays in this monnth and I don't know if they will take me, the therpy place I was going to is their sister clinic...I'm sooooo ****ing stupid Posted via Mobile Device
Don't beat yourself up over something like this man... just give'm a call and try to straighten things out, they'll understand.
google the address see what you come up with..................... or go back to the original clinic and ask them for their sister clinic, then call that clinic and ask them when your appointment is. This is nothing that can't be rememdied. And forget about not getting the right info, dude, i have a doctors appointment, no idea when it is. I'm just waiting for them to call me so I can confirm. It happens bro.
Take the advice the others have given you. Everyone forgets appointments at times. It's really no big deal. Please just make sure you get there for your sake, ok? I'm only a pm away if you need to talk.
What they all said. If you were to talk to the receptionist, you would be surprised at how often this happens. They think nothing of it, believe me!
I did google the address but little did I know there was more than one number at that place and I called the wrong one and told me I don't have an appointment. Killed me at the Time, not knowing i called the wrong place..I was pretty down about my therapist saying she set up an appointment and really didn't....but on Monday I got a voicemail reminding me of the appointment I would have the next day with a nurse practionist..I was so happy waking up to that voicemail. Hapiest i've been in awhile. So Tuesday I ride the train into Portland because I didn't want to get lost ....anyway I get there and get to the place and tell a person at the front desk I'm here for an appointment, they ask for my name and blah blah and it turns out I really didn't have one..I asked them why I got a voicemail the day before and they didn't know...they said cuz I stopped going to therapy they won't take me...i was basically speechless at that point. They tried to get me back in therapy but I don't want to...i don't really have a reason why I don't want to go to therapy besides I don't want to open up to someone new...sigh I wouldve ****ing stayed in if I knew this **** would happen...on Monday I was feeling soooo good and on Tuesday I felt like my whole world ended..I just don't get why they ****ing called me on Monday to tell me on Tuesday I don't even have a ****ing appointment...the ride back was the worst and I've barely done anythig since then...I'm in my bed almost all day and barely have the energy to get up... That whole post probably made no sense but I don't really give a **** Posted via Mobile Device Posted via Mobile Device
Ya gotta keep it together and get focused bro. Get yourself set up for therapy again, with this place, or another if need be. Mark it in red ink on your calendar, or put reminders in Outlook, maybe tell a close friend or family member to remind you. You need to talk to someone and get out of this funk, I don't like to see you like this. We love ya bro, we're all pulling for you!
Please listen to opie. Hang on. NOTHING is worth feeling so low about. Keep calling and fighting to get the help you need. It seems they made the mistake not you, so call them out on it and tell them you want help now. Please find help and help yourself to get better. My prayers are with you, as always.
Do you have anyone who is able to be an advocate for you? Parent, counselor, clergy, friend? Sometimes the maze of health beaucracy is overwhelming and help is needed. I pray you will continue to seek the help you need even if the "system" seems not to want to help you with it.
you're alright bro. you obviously want to go to therapy, you are just frustrated. Understandable. Take a step back from the whole situation and chill. You can do this, you can make it through. Yes you may have to open up to someone new, and I understand you were comfortable with the previous person, but maybe you can talk to them and get them to let you with the previous person. Maybe the new person will be better for you. Who knows. Just chill, and think this through. Assess the situation and what you really want, and need, and come up with a plan. You will find a way bro, thus far you have right?
Like Pastor Keith said reach out to different people. Perhaps you will find a person that you feel good about that you can open up to bro. You have your whole life in front of you. Don't give up. Keep the faith, and try to stay positive. I have a new home phone number, but the cell is the same, and the same email address. If you need to talk anytime brother, the offer stands.
A few years ago I had some repressed memories of being molested as a child start to surface. I had money for therapy, and insurance that would cover it, but I have a really hard time trusting anyone I pay to talk to, and I haven’t had the best experiences with mental health “professionals”. I know people that are IMO being strung along by their therapists. Eventually, I went to a Christian nonprofit outreach program because I just couldn’t handle it on my own. I was very hesitant about doing this as I have strong atheist beliefs, and the absolute last thing I wanted to hear about was Jesus, God or anything spiritual/mythical when I was trying to come to gripes with those particular memories. I told my therapist of my beliefs and she couldn’t have been more respectful. She really helped me. They had a what ever donation you can afford/feel is appropriate payment system, and I never once got the whole conversion spiel. Don’t be afraid to try to go out side of your particular box to get the help you need. Even if you don’t have the same faith, a lot of people will help you. I would definitely check to make sure they have the proper certifications and education, but there are a lot of different groups doing good work. Find the organization that works for you. I know that is a lot easer said than done. Use the times that you feel good to motivate yourself, you can feel like that all the time. You can.
Felix, anytime you need to talk to someone you have my cell and my aim. If you have access to it ill give you my Blackberry Messenger PIN also. Its alright bro. Smetimes stuff just hits the fan and what matters is not only how we get through it but that you continue to get through these obstacles at all. Many people cant deal with adversity, whatever kind of adversity youre facing you seem to be managing. What doesnt kill you makes you stronger so grit your teeth and dig in brother. You have friends here to help you
I sincerely apologize for the negative post that I made on this thread. I honestly don't remember doing it and I promise it won't happen again. I've been struggling with suicidal thoughts for many years. What matters is not acting on them. I hope everyone out there finds peace in their life. Sometimes you just have to try and stay positive and focus on what you do have in your life, rather than what you don't.
Sorry brother. We understand. I wish there was something we can do but for know please realize that we care for you and want to see you beat these emotions and thoughts.
Rough past few days...I know I have a lot of you to talk too, but i have no one around me that I can talk to. It's really discouraging, I think too much and now I'm convinced besides my mother no1 else in my family loves me Posted via Mobile Device
And the depression makes its harder to go out and meet folks which then deepens the depression.... It is a nasty and descending spiral. You have to take control and try to break it or at least turn it upward. Try and find an activity where there are people. Sports, work-outs, volunteer activities, worship, whatever. Meet folks there and give them the time to move from friendly to friends. As to your family, so what? That is their loss, work at moving on with others. I had to do that since other than my daughter and now my wife I have no family. They have all died, not that there were many to start with. Friends have taken the place of family for me. It works great, you get to pick those folks!
I know a lot of family members that love ya bro! Just read through this thread. Family doesn't always mean blood, and sometimes blood relatives can make your life a living hell. Keep that chin up bro.
Are you saying that you believe your mother loves you, or are you saying she doesn't? Posted via Mobile Device
An old collegue and good friend of mine killed himself a month ago after years of suffering both physically and psychologically. Just two days ago, Germany's top goalkeeper, husband and father to a baby girl of eight months, threw himself in front of a train after years of depression. What I'm trying to say is that what I've already told you months ago. You need professional help; maybe even clinically. You're suffering from a serious disease. There's nothing to be ashamed about or to hide. There are good people here with good intentions but this isn't something an internet board or friends - even family - can take care of. This is a serious disease with a high mortality rate. I don't mean to scare you or anything. I'm merely saying what I would say to anyone suffering from a life threatening disease. Get treatment. Now.
It's a scary disease. Mainly because it's often misunderstood. As I've said, I do know that you folks are good people with good intentions but we can't do more for Felix than we could do for someone with, say, cancer. Yes, we can provide friendship and comfort and we can point him to a doctor but ultimately, one has to acknowledge that this is a clinical disease with an alarmingly high mortality rate, and it absolutely has to be treated by a specialist. The hideous thing about a clinical depression is that quite often well meaning friends and family members actually make it worse. In a way, they are enabling the disease by providing well-meant advice that unfortunately doesn't help at all but adds to the frustration. Say you tell a lonely friend suffering from clinical depression to go out and seek friends in sports or the gymn or wherever. The chances are he won't be able to (since he's quite literally unable to due to the disease) and he'll be all the more frustrated afterwards. It really is a scary disease. Often, it looks like there's a perfectly simple way of solving the problem. Go out. Meet new friends. Screw the one's who weren't nice to you. The scary thing is that someone who's actually clinically depressed (and to me it looks like Felix is) can't do that anymore than a blind man can visualize the color red. Essentially, it is vital that Felix realizes that there's nothing to be ashamed of. He's neither a bad person nor is he abnormal. And he isn't responsible for it either. He's quite simply ill just like someone who caught the swine flu is ill.
Wow... I was looking through the threads and came across this one....it stopped me cold. Marty's story is one of inspiration, and you and all of us should take strength from this. One thing, is you first have to know in your heart you are not alone. Many, many people suffer from a dibilitating disease like severe depression. My family as well has had several family members suffer. My grandmother suffered for a long time, and medicated herself through alcohol. I think alot of people self medicate themselves this way...as it allows them to take what they see is a fix by themselves, instead of having to get help. Or, if it was during the days before Prozac, like in the case of my grandmother, it really was one of the only ways of numbing her pain. She eventually shot herself on Christmas...but that was a long time ago. My father also had both the depression and the alcoholism. He also suffered from severe anxiety at times.... My Dad and I were extremely close. He knew how much I worried about his depression, and the fear I had that one day he too, would kill himself. He worked beyond what most humans consider long hours...always his own company. He did this so he could provide for a very large family, 6 kids....and almost every company he started, they all ran into problems. Some of his causing, others caused by bad luck. But he was determined to be successful. There were times when he would talk about not being able to get up out of bed...to only want to lay there. During these times, I would convince him actually beg him to get up....just get up and go for a walk. Being active helps your body create serotonin...and any amount can help. I really think his brain, and others like his, maybe even yours....just cannot create the serotonin and well being endorphins. Its a medical problem....just like me having to take synthetic thyroid medicine every day because my Thyroid is gone is a medical problem. Never feel ashamed because of your depression. Its not your fault....not at all. One thing Ive learned, and this is coming from someone who thankfully never had depression like we are speaking of, is that we cant convince you its going to get better. Someone who has never experienced what you are going through, can never understand what its like. I saw what it did to people, but I cant feel their pain. I tried all of the "the sun will come out tomorrow" speeches with my family, it just doesnt work. It would be like me trying to talk someone's cancer away. Like Vendigo said....you need..NEED TO GO...see a doctor. I dont know what your health insurance situation is....but medicine does help this. There are things you can do to help....excercise is HUGE...but if your at a point where it sounds...doing that is next to impossible. Dude..this is an illness...you can beat it. Believe you can get what you need to beat this...there is help out there. Reach out to everything....check yourself into the emergency room if it gets to that point...call 911. Convince yourself...this isnt your fault...its all medical. Its a medical reason....with the proper medicine and lots of support, you can win.
It is ironic to me that folks suffering from type 1 diabetes are never "blamed" for the chemical imbalance in their bodies but depression, another chemical imbalance question, carries stigma and blame. When last we spoke I thought you were getting medical help but if I have read this wrong, I am sorry that I too have not been advocating immediate, professional guidance right away. The "advice" you are getting here is good for getting from day to day, but depression needs professional treatment
Felix... One thing I want to let you know....is YOU, through the incredible strength you have shown by reaching out to all of the phins.com, just might have saved the life of someone. Maybe not today..or tomorrow, but someone is going to be in your shoes...and quite possibly stumble across this thread. A thread that would not have been possible if you hadnt shown the strength to find some help.... My life has been as close to a wreck as possible this year....Im married, have two young kids, one born this past Jan. My wife had eclampsia, and Braedon when born had to spend some time in Neo Natal. A few weeks later my wife was back in the hospital with and emergency appendectomy. A few months later, she lost her job due to the economy. I got a big pay cut. Then in August, my father, whom I loved with all my heart, was murdered while in China on business. Last week, after being late on a car payment, they drove off with my minivan. Your thread has given me hope..because it allowed me to see just how wonderful life can be when you are part of a group like this....and read how others have pulled them through incredibley difficult times, like Marty. We all have that strength inside of us....you have shown it yourself.... So Felix...Thank You for picking me up.
Very true, mate. However, I think part of this problem is also good intentions gone wrong. If someone comes to us with symptoms that suggest diabetes, we tell him to go to a doctor ASAP to get the chemical imbalance taken care of. If, on the other hand, someone comes to us with symptoms that suggest a clinical depression, we often tell him to get a grib, hold his head high or keep going and everything will turn out dandy. The person will then try to do that and fail (since it doesn't fix the chemical imbalance) and blame himself for being unable to heed such easy advice. The really ironic thing to me is that in many depression cases, it's a matter of taking a pill. Many people are in agony for years and all it takes is one trip to a good specialist and a pill a day. True, not every case is that easy but if it's an imbalance matter, you don't need years of psychotherapy. All you need is a pill.
I'm sure whatever it is your going through is difficult as well, I hope it turns out well for you. Posted via Mobile Device
Bro you know you can call me anytime you ever need something. I dont care what you need you can always call me and I will be there for you. I have made some friends here on this site that I would do anything for and you know your one of them. If you ever need to get away than let me know and we can set something up. Tampa is nice most of the year!
Felix, since you can't have a conference chat/session with all of us at once, you can call me if you truly want to talk about it w/ someone more comfortable than a random psychologist. I'm not trying to step on anyone's toes here b/c all the Phins brothers give great advise, but my background is in psychology and I have what a one prominent Psychologists said is a "rare gift for understanding the mind".... and I please hope no one interprets that as I'm boasting or trying to seem better than anyone else. We all have our own God-given talents, and if any of us ever need help in an area outside of our own expertise, then I only hope another brother who does have the expertise/knowledge/experience will step up and say "I'm your man for this.... this is what I'm great at!". Felix, besides understanding psychology, I can somewhat relate and empathize with you. My father was in Vietnam and exposed to Agent Orange. I've suspected that's what caused me to be born with Tourette's Syndrome. I understand neurological problems and what it feels like seem like you're not in control of anything.... and that everything is controlling you. For me, along with Tourette's came other delightful benefits that I had to endure and learn to cope with including: Bipolar, Depression, OCD, ADD, Impulse Control, Social Anxiety Disorder, general anxiety disorder, Executive disfunctions, Anti-Social behavior as a child, and the tics that go with it (although mine have never been horrible like most of you have seen on TV, nor do I have cursing attacks LOL) It really destroyed part of my life, but I was actually able to cure myself of most all of my issues. I'm a completely reformed person now and am confident and happy each and every day. I still have a few tics that most people wouldn't notice unless I pointed them out, and I get moody or have a shorter fuse from time to time, but that's about the extent of it for me. I found my silver lining, which with many neurological problems is having an overactive brain.... and my overactive brain allowed me to excel in certain areas that the normal brain can't. For me, it was understanding the human mind. Go figure. LOL. Now it's time to help find your silver lining. If I can find a way through it all (despite having an absent, supreme let-down, full-of-disappointment father who was a crack addict in and out of jail my entire life), you can too, brother!!! I just shared my personal life <that some people would be embarassed about> with everyone in here so that you can hopefully feel more comfortable sharing with me or anyone else. The longest part of any journey is the first step. I'm here if you want to talk, and you definitely don't have to feel like your imposing. If I can help you out in any of the ways that I helped myself, then it would be my pleasure.
Felix, I wish there were some simple answer I could give. I have been through this and am on meds to help me. I never had the suicidel thoughts, but I was a mess. Nothing was right, every thing seemed bigger than it was, there seemed to be no hope or a way out. I couldn't concentrate. Some days I couldn't be still other days, I would just sit. I hated hearing the phone ring, didn't want to get up and on and on. So, I know how you feel. I had a stroke and had two good, kind and understanding Drs. that helped me through all this. I had no idea what was wrong with me. It had all started before the stroke and I just figured something was wrong with me ( like I was losing my mind or something). I hated the idea of starting on meds to help balance me out, but I have learned that listening to my Dr. and taking the meds like I'm supposed to has kept me on balance and is like a gift from God to me. Please find you a good Dr. that is the best and safest way to get healthier. There will still be some bad times, but you can learn to cope better. I hope I've helped you some. PM if you need me.
My ex-wife suffered from a borderline personality disorder and depression so I can understand the hell you are going through right now Felix. There is no quick fix. The first step in your recovery process will be to try, as hard as it seems, to take a deep look at your past and decide, that today, you are no longer going to be living in the past or scared of what lies ahead. Those moments of pain have dominated your life for too long. It is time to shed them and to start living in the present. Please go out and seek professional help, but also understand that professional help is only as good as the work that YOU are willing to put in to it. There is no magic pill or magic psychological breakthrough that will delete the circumstances that led you to this point...... Try to take ownership of your feelings - Try to be honest about why you feel nobody loves you, when in fact we all care about you, and I'm sure many people around you love and appreciate you... Once you have been able to see through the distortions that have led you down this path of sadness, you will be able to look at them, cry, heal and become the person you were destined to be. Take that first step Felix.
Good advice bum. You have to want to help yourself. There is only so much your Dr. or meds can do. So, go for it Felix. Dig in, you can do it.
Almost a year since the last post in this thread. I don't know really know why but I googles my email address and a result came up in the just to talk thread about a time before this thread I was suicidal. Things are a lot better and in less than a year I feel like I've learned a ton and am a lot stronger. I actually attempted suicide on Jan 1 of this year. It didn't work obviously and now I'm here typing how I feel like I'm doing a lot better. I'm not suicidal anymore. Haven't had a thought about hurting myself since maybe march. For you guys, it may seem not that long ago but it's been a journey. I moved out of a very bad environment where I had a lot of resentment. I moved back in with my mom and She has been there for me, and jumped through hoops for me to get where I am right now. I have a lot better relationship with my father and step mom now, no resentment. I go over every Sunday to watch Miami play(he has Sunday ticket). I have rekindled friendships from high school, and enrolled in community college. Yeah it's just community college but I hope to transfer to a university next year. I quit smoking weed for a little, and got my mind right. Anyways it's 2 o clock and I have class in the morning. I just wanted to update/thank you guys again. If I wasn't a member on this site, I wouldnt be alive.
That's awesome man! Great job staying strong through all of it and making it through. If you need to ever just talk about anything, hit me up.
Stay active. Constant motion. Walk a lot. Run a ton. Be in constant motion. Activity and physical exertion is a stress-killer. Work out if you feel. Be grateful for your fortunes as well as your problems. The fact that you have problems to deal with means you're alive and kicking and have things to take care of. Take time in the morning to feel thankful for everything in your life. All that you have (health/strength/friends/family/love) as well as things you don't have (things could always be worse). But also things you don't have but are on the way. Be grateful. As long as you're grateful, you will always have a reason to live. Catch yourself when you begin to have a negative thought. Identify that thought and the causes, then quickly shift your focus to something positive about your situation. Do this for the next 21 days. This should help keep you from unnecessarily beating yourself down, and enforce a positive self-image. Don't let what is going on outside of you (things you can't control) dictate what goes on inside of you (how you feel). Happiness starts from within. If you don't understand this Step, See Step 4.
