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Official Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by GoPhins!, Mar 30, 2008.

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  1. Claymore95

    Claymore95 Working on it... Club Member

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    A painter was doing a contract for a brewing company. His ladder was next to a 10000 litre open topped tank that was filled with beer. When he was at the top of the ladder he fell off and landed in the tank. As there was no obvious way to climb out he thought he could drink his way out to avoid drowning. However, he eventually drowned.

    The police went to pass on the bad news to his wife. "Ma'am, were sorry to tell you but your husband was involved in an accident at work and has sadly passed away."

    "What happened?" She asked whilst crying her heart out.

    "He fell off his ladder and drowned in a large tank of beer."

    "Did he suffer?"

    "We don't believe he did. He climbed out the tank 7 times to take a piss before he finally drowned."
     
    Idahophin, KeyFin and danmarino like this.
  2. TheOne

    TheOne Active Member

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    An old lady gets on an elevator and hits her floor number which is 3 floors up, on the very next floor a younger lady walks on with a really nice smelling perfume and looks at the old lady and says DKNY 12 bucks an ounce on the very next floor another lady walks on once again wearing a nice smelling perfume, she loo ms at both the old lady and the young lady and says Jimmy Choo 20 bucks an ounce. The elevator gets to the old lady's floor and before she gets off she looks at the young girls and let's out a fart then says Broccoli 49 cents an ounce. :rimshot:
     
    Idahophin, Puka-head and Ohio Fanatic like this.
  3. Puka-head

    Puka-head My2nd Fav team:___vs Jets

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    What does an 85 year old woman taste like??

    Depends...
     
  4. TheOne

    TheOne Active Member

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    Oct 14, 2016
    Q: What's the difference between a big bag of cocaine and a baby? A: Eric Clapton wouldn't let a big bag of cocaine fall out of a window.
     
  5. Puka-head

    Puka-head My2nd Fav team:___vs Jets

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    When Trump and Melania are having sex, why is Melania ALWAYS on top?

    Because all Trump does is *uck up!
     
    Last edited: Mar 23, 2018
    texanphinatic likes this.
  6. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    Snake River Plain
    Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step into the showers before they realize there is no soap.
    Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress.
    He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand , and heads back to the showers.
    He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.
    The nuns stop and comment on how life-like he looks.
    The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood.
    Startled, he drops a bar of soap.
    "Oh look" says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser".
    To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood.
    Sure enough, he drops the second bar of soap.
    Now the third nun decides to have a go.
    She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens.
    So she gives several more tugs, then yells...
    "Holy Mary, Mother of God, HAND LOTION TOO!"
     
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  7. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen. What would you like for dinner my love, chicken, beef or lamb? I said, thank you, I'll have chicken please. She replied, you're having soup you fat bastard, I was talking to the cat.
     
    smahtaz likes this.
  8. TheOne

    TheOne Active Member

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    Oct 14, 2016
    A guy walks into a bar sits down orders a drink, as he's drinking his drink he looks up and notices three huge slabs of beef hanging on the ceiling. He says hey bartender what's with the meat bartender says it's a long running tradition around here if you jump up and touch a piece all of your drinks are on the house but if you miss you have to buy everyone a drink. Guy goes oh barte der then asks so are you interested guy says I think I'll pass the stakes are to high. :groucho:
     
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