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Official Joke Thread

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by GoPhins!, Mar 30, 2008.

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  1. colossus1

    colossus1 New Member

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    A man was having trouble going to the bathroom and decided to visit a doctor. After his physical the doctor suggested using a suppository.

    "Now," the doctor said, "sometimes these are tricky to use and you may have to put them back in a few times. You may even need help. Let me show you."

    Later that night he was trying and trying with no success to place the suppository. Finally after several minutes he sighed and called for his wife.

    "Could you please place this in my rectum?" he asked. And being the loving wife she was, agreed.

    "Just bend over and hold the sink." she said.

    She placed one hand on his shoulder and was just about to push in the suppository when her husband stood straight up with a look of shock and wonder.

    "What? Did I hurt you?" his wife asked.

    After a minute of silent revelation the husband replied.

    "No, it's just that this morning when the doctor placed one in, he had two hands on my shoulders."
     
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  2. BigDogsHunt

    BigDogsHunt Enough talk...prove it!

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    Great one liners and such:

    My neighbor knocked on my door at 2:30 am this morning, can you believe that..... 2:30 am?! Luckily for him I was already up playing my Bagpipes for the last hour.


    A man calls 911 and says "I think my wife is dead" The operator says how do you know? He says "The sex is the same but the laundry is piling up!"


    I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest "unit" she had ever laid her hands on. I said honey, "You're pulling my leg."


    My fiancee thinks that I'm a stalker. Well, she's not exactly my fiancee yet.


    Went for a routine check up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he placed his index finger up my butt! Do you think I should change dentists?


    A wife says to her husband, you're always pushing me around and talking behind my back. He says well, what do you expect? You're in a wheel chair.


    I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said, "You're obviously not listening."


    The wife has been missing a week now, the Police said I need to prepare for the worst. So I went to the thrift shop to get all her clothes back.
     
  3. DeDolfan

    DeDolfan Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Stuttering Cat - as explained by a 4th grade pupil

    A teacher is explaining biology to her 4th grade students.

    "Human beings are the only animals that stutter," she says.

    A little girl raises her hand. "I had a kitty-cat who stuttered."

    The teacher, knowing how precious some of these stories could become, asked the girl to describe the incident.

    'Well', she began, 'I was in the back yard with my kitty and the Rottweiler that lives next door got a running start and before we knew it, he jumped over the fence into our yard!'

    'That must've been scary,' said the teacher.

    'It sure was,' said the little girl.

    'My kitty raised her back, went "Ffffff!, Ffffff!, FfffffF," but before she could say '****!', the Rottweiler ate her!

    The teacher had to leave the room.
     
  4. TheColossus

    TheColossus NON !

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    A three-year-old in China was rescued after getting trapped behind an air conditioning unit after falling from the eighth floor of some flats. Luckily he was unhurt......






    ........although he was docked an hour's pay
     
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  5. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    A Cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service.

    Following the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside.The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.

    At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own funeral. You see, I'm a Gynecologist. "

    The proctologist fainted.
     
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  6. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    When I was younger I hated going to weddings. It seemed that all of my aunts and the grand motherly types used to come up to me, poke me in the ribs and cackle,telling me, "YOU'RE NEXT." They stopped that crap after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
     
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  7. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair.

    The first morning, the girl pulls off the hair and says, "I wear a wig,because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair on my body, not even down there."

    That night, Mrs. Schmidlap tells her husband. He says, "I've never seen anything like that. Please tomorrow, ask her to go into the bedroom and show you. I want to hide in the closet so I can have a look."

    The next day, Mrs. Schmidlap asks the girl, the two of them go into the bedroom, and the girl strips and shows her.

    Then the girl says, "I've never seen one with hair on it. Can I see yours?"

    So Mrs. Schmidlap pulls off her clothes and shows her. That night, Mrs. Schmidlap says to her husband, "I hope you're satisfied, because I was pretty embarrassed when that girl asked to see mine."

    Her husband says, "You think you were embarrassed? I had the four guys I play poker with in the closet with me."
     
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  8. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    John and Jill were about to go into his apartment and before he could open his door, Jill said, "Wait a minute, I can tell how a man makes love by how he unlocks his door."

    John says, "Well, give me some examples."

    Jill proceeds to tell him, "Well, the first way is, if a guy shoves his key in the lock, and opens the door hard, then that means he is a rough lover and that isn't for me.

    "The second way is if a man fumbles around and can't seem to find the hole, then that means he is inexperienced and that isn't for me either."

    Then Jill said, "Honey, how do you unlock your door?"

    John proceeds to say, "Well, first before I do anything else, I lick the lock."
     
  9. SICK

    SICK Lounge Moderator

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    What's the difference between Jelly and Jam?
































    You can't Jelly your dick into a girls pooper
     
  10. Big E

    Big E Plus sized porn star

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    FML I love you (no homo)
     
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  11. DeDolfan

    DeDolfan Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Both uv ya is "sick" !!! :tongue2: :lol: :knucks:
     
  12. DeDolfan

    DeDolfan Premium Member Luxury Box

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    OLD FIGHTER PILOT

    A ragged, old, derelict shuffled into a down and dirty bar. Stinking of whiskey and cigarettes, his hands shook as he took the "Piano Player Wanted" sign from the window and handed it to the bartender.

    "I'd like to apply for the job," he said. "I was an F-4E driver, flying out of Udorn back in ' Nam , but when they retired the Phantom all the thrill was gone, and soon they cashed me in as well. I learned to play the piano at AUSSIE-Club happy hours, so here I am."

    The barkeep wasn't too sure about this doubtful looking old guy, but it had been quite a while since he had a piano player and business was falling off.. So, why not give him a try. The seedy pilot staggered his way over to the piano while several patrons snickered. By the time he was into his third bar of music, every voice was silenced. What followed was a rhapsody of soaring music unlike anything heard in the bar before. When he finished there wasn't a dry eye in the place.

    The bartender took the old fighter pilot a beer and asked him the name of the song he had just played?

    It's called "Drop your Skivvies, Baby, I'm Going Balls To The Wall For You" he said. After a long pull from the beer, leaving it empty, he said "I wrote it myself." The bartender and the crowd winced at the title, but the piano player just went on into a knee-slapping, hand-clapping bit of ragti me that had the place jumping. After he finished, the fighter pilot acknowledged the applause, downed a second proffered mug, and told the crowd the song was called, "Big Boobs Make My Afterburner Light."

    He then launched into a nother mesmerizing song and everyone in the room was enthralled. He announced that it was the latest rendition of his song, "Spread 'em Baby, It's Foggy Out Tonight and I Need To See The Centerline", excused himself and headed for the john. When he
    Came out the bartender went over to him and said, "Hey fly boy, the job is yours, but do you know your fly is open and your pecker is hanging out.

    "Know it?" the old fighter pilot replied, "Hell, I wrote it!"

     
  13. DeDolfan

    DeDolfan Premium Member Luxury Box

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    I walked into a drug store and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The lady I was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no male employees. She then asked if she could help me. I said that it was something that I would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist. The lady pharmacist assured me that she was completely professional and whatever it was that I needed to discuss, I could be confident that she would treat me with a high level of professionalism.

    I then agreed and began by saying, 'This is tough for me to discuss, but I get erections every day that last more than four hours. It causes me a lot of problems and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.'

    The pharmacist said, 'Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister.'

    When she returned, she said,

    "We discussed it at length and this is the absolute best we can do.

    1/3 ownership in the store, a company pickup truck, a king size bed and $3,000 a month in living expenses.






     
  14. MikeHoncho

    MikeHoncho -=| Censored |=- Club Member

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    ^Winning over here, winning over there...
     
  15. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    "When I Die I Want The Miami Dolphins To Be My Pallbearers So They Can Let Me Down For The Last Time"
     
  16. DeDolfan

    DeDolfan Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Be careful what you wish for!!!
     
  17. Pavlous

    Pavlous New Member

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    [h=3]Old Lady Crying


    When I went to lunch today, I noticed this lady about 75-80 years old sitting on a park bench near J.C.Pennys and she was crying her eyes out.


    I stopped and asked her what was wrong, and she said: "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground brewed coffee."


    I said :"Well, then why are you crying?" She said: "he makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me half the afternoon."


    I said; "Well, so why are you crying?" She said: "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite desert and then makes love to me until 2 a.m."


    I said: "Well, why in the world would you be crying?" She said: "I CAN'T REMEMBER WHERE I LIVE!!!"

    [/h]
     
  18. DeDolfan

    DeDolfan Premium Member Luxury Box

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    [​IMG]
     
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  19. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    REALITY CHECK
    There's a new book out called, "ARE YOU NORMAL?"

    According to the book, 76% of guys would rather watch an important football game than have sex.

    The other 24% said that's what half time is for.
     
  20. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.


    He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare checks. I'd really rather have a job."


    The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent! We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive her around in his 2011 Mercedes-Benz CL550 and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, your meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas trips. This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have to, as part of your job assignment, satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."


    The guy, just plain wide-eyed by now said, "You're bullshi**in' me!"


    The social worker said, "Yeah, well ... You started it!"
     
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  21. Big E

    Big E Plus sized porn star

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    A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

    "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
    The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
    The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

    A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
    "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
     
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  22. The G Man

    The G Man Git 'r doooonnne!!!

    An Irishman went to Confession in St. Patrick's Catholic Church.

    "Father" he confessed, "it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Kitty Green twice last month."

    The priest told the sinner "you are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's."

    Soon thereafter, another Irishman entered the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession. I've had sex with Kitty Green twice a week for the past two months."

    This time, the priest questioned "who is this Kitty Green?"

    "A new woman in the neighborhood" the sinner replied.

    "Very well" sighed the priest, "go and say ten Hail Mary's."

    At mass the next Christmas morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall, voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary. The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front the priest. Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.

    The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn't wearing any underwear.

    The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered "is that Kitty Green?"

    The bug-eyed altar boy couldn't believe his ears but managed to calmly reply "no Father, I think it's just a reflection from her shoes."
     
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  23. BigDogsHunt

    BigDogsHunt Enough talk...prove it!

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    Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother,
    'Why is the bride dressed in white?'' The mother replied, 'Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life.' The child thought about this for a moment then said, 'So why is the groom wearing black?'
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~

    A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!' While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again!
    As she ran she once again began to pray, 'Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!'
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~

    Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, 'My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50.' The second boy says, 'That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100.' The third boy says, 'I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!'
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~

    An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male
    pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote,
    'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~

    A police recruit was asked during the exam, 'What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?'
    He answered, 'Call for backup.'
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~

    A Sunday School teacher asked her class why
    Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem ..

    A small child replied, 'They couldn't get a baby-sitter.'
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~

    A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
    After explaining the commandment to 'Honour thy father and thy mother,' she asked,
    'Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?'
    Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, 'Thou shall not kill..'
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~

    At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.
    Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
    Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, 'Johnny, what is the matter?' Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife.'
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~
     
  24. TheColossus

    TheColossus NON !

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    "I've decided to sell my Hoover... well, it was just collecting dust"

    "I've written a joke about a fat badger, but I couldn't fit it into my set"

    "Always leave them wanting more, my uncle used to say to me. Which is why he lost his job in disaster relief"

    "I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn't let me"

    "Money can't buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal"

    "I've been married for 10 years, I haven't made a decision for seven"

    "This show is about perception and perspective. But it depends how you look at it"
     
  25. BigDogsHunt

    BigDogsHunt Enough talk...prove it!

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    Italian Honeymoon

    After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to this friends.

    Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wassa da treep?"

    Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down."

    "Whatayou mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.

    "Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station.

    My beautiful Virginia, she pack a biga basketa food. She bringa da vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina forward to da trip, and open upa da luncha basket .

    The conductore come aby, wagga his finger at us anda say, 'no eat in disa car. Musta use a dining car..'

    So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to da dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta at open da bottle of a nice a vino!

    Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car.' So, we go to cluba car.

    While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar.

    The conductore, he waga is finger again and say, 'No a smokina indisa car. Musta go to a smokina car ..'

    "We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar.

    Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed.

    We just about to go badaboom badaboom and the conductore, he walka through da hallway shouting at a top of his a voice..

    'Nofolka Virginia !
    Nofolka Virginia !'

    "Nexta time, I'ma just gonna taka da bus."
     
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  26. Idahophin

    Idahophin Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    LOL, good stuff.
     
  27. Puka-head

    Puka-head My2nd Fav team:___vs Jets

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    What is the difference between meat and fish???











    When you beat your fish it dies!
     
  28. Puka-head

    Puka-head My2nd Fav team:___vs Jets

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    Johnny and Susie sit next to each other in Ms Rogers 7th grade class. Ms Rogers is teachind sex ed today and the children are learning about pregnancy.

    Susie: "Ms Rodgers, Cam my mother get pregnant?
    Ms Rodgers: How Old is your mother Susie?
    S: She's 38
    MsR; Well then she can probably still get pregnant yes
    S; OK, well can my big sister get pregnant?
    MsR: How old is your sister?
    S: She's 17
    MsR: Well yes, your big sister can get pregnant?
    S: Ms Rodgers, can I get pregnant?
    MsR: No Susie, you are much to young to get pregnant!

    Johnny: Slaps Susie "see, I told you we didn't have anything to worry about!"
     
  29. Puka-head

    Puka-head My2nd Fav team:___vs Jets

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    What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad sky diver?

    Bad golfer goes- whack!, flip! Bad Skydiver goes FLIP!, WHACK! (Substitute four letter word of choice)
     
  30. Puka-head

    Puka-head My2nd Fav team:___vs Jets

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    A blind man walks in to a bar...

    And a table...

    And a chair...
     
  31. Vertical Limit

    Vertical Limit Senior Member

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    My wife was in a coma...

    So one day the doctor goes to me and says, theres one other way to wake her up but its a little unconvential, you go in there and have oral sex with her.. I said my god are you serious. Hes like ive seen it work, i aid back to him ill give it a try

    So i go see my wife im in there about five minutes, i come back to the doctor and i tell him,

    doc she's choking.
     
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  32. TheOne

    TheOne Active Member

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    A guy is driving in the Georgia countryside and he sees a man selling Peaches, he was intrigued the man because of his sign that said Magic Peaches. The man curious about it goes up to the Peach seller and ask what is magic about these Peaches? The seller says think of any meal you like and the Peach will taste like it, the man says fine I will play along I would like this Peach to taste like Steak and Potatoes the man bites in and sure enough the man shouts this Peach taste like Potatoes the seller says turn it around and bites again and sure enough it taste like Steak. The man then says okay I bet you don't have a Peach that taste like P---Y the seller hands him the Peach the man bites and screams "Oh God This Peach Taste like ****" the seller then says turn it around.
     
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  33. smahtaz

    smahtaz Pimpin Ain't Easy Club Member

    My uncle told be the joke when I was in High School. Most of y'all probably weren't alive yet but I think it's still pretty funny.

    An old man in Alabama is sitting on his front porch watching the sunrise. He sees the neighbor’s kid walk by carrying something big under his arm. He says hey boy, whatcha got there?

    Roll of chicken wire. The kid says.

    What you gonna do with that?

    Gonna catch me some chickens.

    You can’t catch chickens with chicken wire! The boy just chuckles and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

    The next morning, the old man is out watching the sunrise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand. Hey boy, whatcha got there?”

    Duck tape.

    What you gonna do with that?

    Catch me some ducks.

    You can’t catch ducks with duct tape! The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That night around sunset the boy walks by, trailing behind him the unrolled roll of duct tape with about 35 ducks caught in it.

    The next morning, the old man sees the boy walking by carrying what looks like a stick. Hey boy, whatcha got there?

    “It’s a pu$$y willow.”

    “Wait up… I’ll get my hat!”
     
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  34. Puka-head

    Puka-head My2nd Fav team:___vs Jets

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    Roger is a reporter for the Big City Times. One day his Editor, Ed, decides he needs some local flavor for the paper so he asks his ace reporter, Roger to do story on country living. Roger, the reporter, eagerly accepts, ready to enjoy some time in the country. He gets on the google, finds a small mountain town just a few hours away and off he goes.

    After driving down and up and up and down country roads for hours Roger, the reporter, sees an old fella sitting on his porch with his dog, enjoying the beautiful day. Since he REALLY had to pee, he pulled over and the old fella graciously offered the facilities. Necessary business handled ...

    Roger says "Hi old fella, my names Roger, I'm a reporter for the Big City Times. I'm doing a story about country living, would you mind if I interviewed you?"

    "Well howdy Roger, a reporter huh? I built this town, I'd be happy to show you around. Come on lets go for a walk."

    A little way down the road they come to a wooden bridge over the creek. "See this here bridge?" The old fella asks " I built this bridge with my bare hands" Roger, the reporter, takes some notes and a picture, hoping it gets more interesting soon.

    First building they come to is the school, " That's Miss Tina, the teacher. See that school, I built that school with my bare hands!" The old fella said. Roger, the reporter, takes some notes and a picture of Tina, the teacher and the school.

    Moving along they come to the Bank, where they meet Bill, the Banker. "See this here Bank?" The old fella asks? " I built that Bank with my bare hands!"

    Next stop the Fire Department, then the Police Station where they met Fred the Fireman and Sally the Sherriff. " I built the fire house, the police department, the jail, and the courthouse where Judy the Judge sits too, all with my bare hands!" the old fella says.

    On thru the town where they meet Wanda the waitress at the restaurant the old fella built with his bare hands and Pastor Pete at the church the old fella built, Roger the reporter taking pictures and notes the whole way. Hoping it would get more interesting soon.

    Eventually they make it back to the old fellas house and sit sipping on some sun tea. Roger, the reporter turns to his new friend and exclaims "My friend, thank you for taking me on a tour and introducing me to all your friends, Tina the Teacher and Bill the Banker, and Fred the Fireman and Sally the Sheriff, and all those wonderful places you built with your bare hands! But I never got your name!?"

    The old fella looks down and kinda mumbles..."Bob"

    "So they must call you Bob the Builder then, since you built this whole town with your bare hand, right?" Roger the reporter asked?

    "Ya know, you would think so" Bob says " Since I did build this whole town with my bare hands Bob the builder should be my name!"

    "But you get caught one time fornicating a goat!!!"
     
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  35. ToddPhin

    ToddPhin RIP Phinsational Luxury Box Club Member

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    So this woman shows up for her mammogram. Doctor asks- Mind if I numb your breasts first? Sure, she says. {num num num num num}


    A Buddhist walks up to a taco vender and asks- Can you make me one with everything?
     
  36. TheOne

    TheOne Active Member

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    One day a woman ealks up to her husband and says hey honey my tire is flat can you fix it? He responds who do I look like the Michelin Man? The next week she says hey honey the roof is leaking do you think you can fix it? He says what do I look like a roofer? A week later the husband comes home and notices everything is fixed he goes hey honey I see you got someone to fix everything, how much is this going to cost she says free the handyman said If I sleep with him or bake him a cake it's all free. He says so what kind of cake did you bake him? She says who do I look like Betty Crocker?
     
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  37. Puka-head

    Puka-head My2nd Fav team:___vs Jets

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    Slightly left of center
    Gynocologist been practicing forever, perfect Gentleman the whole time but today, the most beautiful woman he's seen in 40 yrs walks in and he thinks "All these years looking at all that *****...I have to have that"

    He asks her to undress and lay on the exam table. He begins fondling her breasts and asks "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

    The beauty replies "Examining my Breasts for lumps to see if I have cancer?"

    "Yes, Yes that's exactly what I'm doing."

    He then spreads her legs and puts his fingers inside her and asks "Do you know what I'm doing now?"

    She replies "Examining my Vagina?"

    "Yes, Yes that's exactly what I'm doing."

    Then he pulls down his pants, and begins having his way with her and asks "Do you know what I am doing now?"

    And the Beauty says " Well. I'm pretty sure you're catching herpes cuz that's what I came to see you about."
     
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  38. TheOne

    TheOne Active Member

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    Oct 14, 2016
    Richard Simmons walks into a biker bar and shouts okay fellas whoever can guess the correct weight of the parrot on my shoulder gets to take me upstairs and $$$$ me in the $$$ all night long, about 20 seconds go by and the sound of nothing but beer bottles and shot glasses slamming is heard, a biker than shouts 2.5 tons, Richard Simmons than says ah close enough we have a winner.
     
  39. ToddPhin

    ToddPhin RIP Phinsational Luxury Box Club Member

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    Tony the Tiger, Count Chocula, and Toucan Sam were all violated over the weekend. Authorities believe it may be the work of a serial rapist.
     
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  40. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh Club Member

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    it is a shame it's not called, "Official Funny Joke Thread".
     

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