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My Interview with THE Juan Huron

Discussion in 'NFL Draft Forum' started by ckparrothead, Jan 22, 2009.

  1. ckparrothead

    ckparrothead Draft Forum Moderator Luxury Box

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    Let me offer you some background. I have a friend, Remy. He is a patio furniture salesman. He's in town for the local Tampa Bay Patio/Spa Mega Blowout Convention (TBPSMBC). Remy and I were having an interesting conversation about Gummy Bears (the cartoon) when he casually mentioned that he bumped into THE Juan Huron, at the TBPSMBC.

    I nearly lost it.

    "Juan Huron? In town? At the TBPSMBC? You're kidding me!"

    "Do you want to meet him?" asked Remy.

    "Is a pig's pu--y pork?" I replied.

    After much haranguing over Remy's finder's fee (goodbye Megadeth Clash of the Titans '91 summer tour concert tee), I find myself sitting on a custom crafted wicker patio chair, staring over a seashell-in-foam table at this 5'5" and 145 pound golden god among men.


    Me: "I can't believe you took the time to meet me. I'm such a big fan."

    Juan Huron: "Neither do I"

    (awkward pause, my hands shaking as I try and gather my notes)

    Juan Huron: "What is that smell?"

    Me: "You smell something?"

    Juan Huron: "Fear"

    Me: "Heh. So, Juan. It's been years since Dolphins faithful first hea--"

    Juan Huron: "Are you going to buy something?"

    Me: "No- wait, do you need me to?"

    Juan Huron: "Yes"

    Me: "I suppose I could take a look at that rustic-looking Corinthian outdoor fireplace piece."

    Juan Huron: "Cash or credit?"

    Me: "Credit, I guess."

    Juan Huron: "I go get the paper work."

    Me: "Ok, no problem. I'll just wait he- you're back!"

    Juan Huron: "Card and ID please"

    Me: "Here you go. While you run that, I was wondering if I might ask you what you've been up to nowadays? I mean, aside from selling this fantastic patio furniture."

    Juan Huron: "I sell patio furniture. Is a good job."

    Me: "You don't play football anymore? But you had such a promising career!"

    Juan Huron: "I played two years in the Mexican church league, the Oaxaca Maracas. I am very good. I have three...seven catches for 37...52 yards."

    Me: "That's excellent production. You don't play for them anymore?"

    Juan Huron: "No. I am so fast. They don't catch me. They can't believe how fast I am. When I play, they see that I am fast. It was political."

    Me: "Did you ever get to try out for the Dolphins?"

    Juan Huron: "No. My agent say that I am so fast and my hands are good, I only drop three balls for the Maracas. My hands are good. Some kind of mix up with the phone, the phone card."

    Me: "I'm sorry to hear that, Juan. Did you try any other NFL teams?"

    Juan Huron: "Sign here"

    Me: "You bet. You know, the Dolphins just signed a guy from the Canadian Football League..."

    Juan Huron: "Really?"

    Me: "Yes. He dominated that league much like you dominated yours. They might be a little more open-minded, now."

    Juan Huron: "Who they have?"

    Me: "Well, they have Ted Ginn-"

    Juan Huron: "He slow"

    Me: "They also have this kid out of Hawaii, Davone Bess."

    Juan Huron: "Have good hands?"

    Me: "Yes"

    Juan Huron: "My are better"

    Me: "Well, then maybe you should give them a call. Who knows?"

    Juan Huron: "Have to go"

    Me: "I understand. I wish we could have had more ti- you're back!"

    Juan Huron: "Forgot receipt"

    Me: "Thanks, Juan"


    And just like that, as quickly as he blew into my life, this golden dynamo had blown away, like a really, really fast wind over the plains of Oaxaca. I know his fateful journey will continue, and that he will carry the wishes of all Dol-Fans in his heart. As I load my Corinthian hearth into the back of my Honda Accord, I wonder when I will hear "Mad Dog" Mandich say those inevitable words: "Pennington to Huron...Juan Huron is off to the races! Touchdown Mi-ami!!!"
     
  2. Vendigo

    Vendigo German Gigolo Club Member

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    This. Is. So. Mean.

    :lol:
     
    Colorado Dolfan and SICK like this.
  3. Mile High Fin

    Mile High Fin New Member

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    Incredible!
    Such a small world.
    I thought you'd turn around and return the purchase after the interview.....

    Sounds like Juan Huron makes Ted Ginn look like a BEAST....
     
  4. Baxter

    Baxter Premium Member Luxury Box

    Man I wish he would come around
     
  5. Biggtyme13

    Biggtyme13 Season Ticket Holder Club Member

    Ummmm I belive the saying is. Is a Pig's Pu@@y Pork? Because the answer to does ones poke would be no.:)
     
  6. ckparrothead

    ckparrothead Draft Forum Moderator Luxury Box

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    My bad. I'm not hip to the lingo.
     
  7. Vendigo

    Vendigo German Gigolo Club Member

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    I have to say, I think you still don't get how good Juan Huron really is: The only one throwing a touchdown pass to Juan Huron is Juan Huron!
     
  8. ckparrothead

    ckparrothead Draft Forum Moderator Luxury Box

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    Touchdown passes to Juan Huron are thrown by God himself. The ball may have left some other dude's hand first, but God takes hold of the ball in the sky and delivers it to his favored son, Juan Huron.
     
    2k5 and Conuficus like this.
  9. Vendigo

    Vendigo German Gigolo Club Member

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    Are you implying that God and Juan Huron are actually two different entities? Oh the blasphemy!
     
  10. Coral Reefer

    Coral Reefer Premium Member

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    Back in Miami

    Come on..... are you serious with this?
    You really found and talked to the biggest legend these boards ever came across? I'm dying laughing just at the thought of it but if you actually verify this to have happened I may need a respirator.
     
    KeyFin likes this.
  11. PENNSYLVANIADOLPHAN

    PENNSYLVANIADOLPHAN Well-Known Member

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    Sorry, but who is Juan Huron?
     
  12. Bjorn

    Bjorn Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    omg CK that is priceless. I envy you. I have never met a super star before. :lmao:
     
  13. Stitches

    Stitches ThePhin's Biggest Killjoy Luxury Box

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    Yea, I almost need visual proof that you met Jaun. This is too good to be true. :lol:
     
  14. Desides

    Desides Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    The legend shall never die.
     
  15. muscle979

    muscle979 Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    Are you serious? If so this is hilarious. Well it's funny either way but much more so if it's at least partly true.
     
  16. 54Fins

    54Fins "In Gase we trust"

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    over there
    I thought Juan Huron was a cigar.:sad:
    I had one of those rolled for me at Coconut Grove last year.
     
  17. Colorado Dolfan

    Colorado Dolfan ...dirty drownin' man?

    Noob.

    :tongue2: :lol:
     
  18. RoninFin4

    RoninFin4 Moderator Staff Member Club Member

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    What's his 40 time these days?
     
  19. ckparrothead

    ckparrothead Draft Forum Moderator Luxury Box

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    He's down to 3.8. But it is widely believed that Juan Huron is not ACTUALLY that fast, rather when Juan runs, God moves the Earth accordingly to make him faster.
     
    KeyFin and RoninFin4 like this.
  20. New Era

    New Era Waterboy

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    CK, I will trade you my House and Car for his autograph...wait...never mind. That would not be enough to lure you into making such a huge mistake. If only, you did not have all of your wonderful football knowledge. If only, you were more like Rick Speilman & Wanny...I could have had it!!!

    Better yet, we should all call NFL Network about an idea for a great story in 2010. The "Juan & Only" story would be a hit.

    It could go into detail about his rocky road to the NFL. People love to see the little man win.

    All we need to do first is get him a tryout with the Cards. He can out run any of their current WR's. He can out jump even Fitzgerald. He is better after the catch than Boldin. Once they see him run...they will sign him to the largest contract in the history of the NFL. Then he will be the #1 WR with the Cards next season.

    WOW...

    Juan, Fitz & Boldin...

    Then...

    Just let Juan be Juan...he will break every WR record for a single season. I am sure they will want to make his story public. I mean after all, Miami could have signed him years ago...but passed on answering his agents phone call. The media loves to bash Miami as is so, this story would go WORLD WIDE BABY!!!

    I will help get this done for some really nice teak furniture autographed by Juan himself!!!
     
  21. RoninFin4

    RoninFin4 Moderator Staff Member Club Member

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    That's good to know. I heard a sonic boom go by my house last night and figured he was out for his midnight jog.
     
  22. PENNSYLVANIADOLPHAN

    PENNSYLVANIADOLPHAN Well-Known Member

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    Who the Hell is Juan Huron!
     
  23. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    we are juan huron and juan huron is us.
     
  24. FinSane

    FinSane Cynical Dolphins Fan

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    [​IMG]
     
  25. JimToss

    JimToss Thank You Chad Pennington

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    Bump!
    We need to discuss this entity available at the #12 overall pick.

    We NEED an update on his whereabouts!
     
  26. Bpk

    Bpk Premium Member Luxury Box

    Last spotted doing dips outside a uniform supply store while on his break.
     
    JimToss likes this.
  27. PhinsRDbest

    PhinsRDbest Transform and Transcend Club Member

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    the next dimension
    I'd rather them draft Juan Huron then Tim Tebow:lol:
     
  28. JimToss

    JimToss Thank You Chad Pennington

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    I think Juan is still 5 11" but by know I'm sure he has bulked up to 440 pounds if he continued on his predicted pace. Hope it didn't effect his 40.
     
  29. sports24/7

    sports24/7 Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    Am I the only one that wishes the Juan Huron jokes would go the way of the Ginn's family jokes and disappear? They were funny once. After the 500th time you hear them though they start to get a little old.
     
    #1 fan and Killerphins like this.
  30. daphins

    daphins A-Style

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    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
  31. daphins

    daphins A-Style

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    Great story, but I must say that it is....


    ABSOLUTE bull****!

    EVERYONE knows that Juan Huron is above using the word "I". When Juan Huron speaks of Juan Huron he says Juan Huron.

    Next time you want to fake an interview with a legend, you should take note of such mannerisms....

    ....Juan Huron saying I is like Bill Braskie saying isn't real...

    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
     
  32. Anonymous

    Anonymous Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    Who the hell is Juan Huron!
     
  33. MikeHoncho

    MikeHoncho -=| Censored |=- Club Member

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    The real question should be:

    Eric Berry, Dan Williams, Earl Thomas, or Juan Huron?
     
  34. miamiron

    miamiron There's always next year

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    Blasphemy
     
  35. FinSane

    FinSane Cynical Dolphins Fan

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    BUMP

    Is this guy still available? He could singlehandedly turn around our season
     
  36. Nappy Roots

    Nappy Roots Well-Known Member

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    IF he finally decided to bring his talents to the NFL, he's the only player I would pick I front of Andrew luck
     
    FinSane likes this.
  37. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    You don't pick Juan Huron, he graces you with his presence.
     
  38. AGuyNamedAlex

    AGuyNamedAlex Well-Known Member

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    I was randomly thinking of Juan Huron and the epicness that he was. Necro bump, sorry but I literally had 0 other choice, I want everyone to re-live or experience Juan Huron for the first time.

    I actually googled Juan Huron just to find this thread. .
     
  39. Unlucky 13

    Unlucky 13 Team Rosen Club Member

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    I remember that someone on here had a picture of a kid that looked about 12 with that name as his sig. Is that what all of this is about?
     
  40. AGuyNamedAlex

    AGuyNamedAlex Well-Known Member

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    Someone made an account on here a long time ago talking about his epic skills as a WR, but I think he claimed to be homeschooled or something and never got a shot. There was a previous thread where he claimed to run like 4.4 or something with velcro hands. It was clearly a joke account but they ran with it.

    The whole thing was great, but yeah it was a picture of someone pretty young, maybe 15 to 16 years old with eye black looking all serious.
     
    Unlucky 13 likes this.

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