I'm not really happy these days. My brother and I are not seeing eye-to-eye and its causing a lot of grief and heartache. My mother is 78 and I am her full-time caretaker. She is not bedridden yet, but uses a walker, has rhuematoid arthritis, and osteoperosis (spelling ?) but is otherwise healthy. And while not as sharp mentally as she used to be, she is pretty much still "with us" if you know what I mean. She does get confused & does forget a lot of things, and takes Aricept™ it helps her stay fairly cognizant. He has been pushing for the last few months for her to be examined by a psychcaiatrist and have her declared incompetant. I know recently he has had some severe financial reversals, and I believe he wants that power of attorney (shared by me of course) in our hands so he can try to get his hands on her money. I can't prove that but it just looks very suspicious. Its been a very troubling time for me personally, and I wanted to know if others have had to go through this with a family member, had a family member that also has tried to pull something off, and what are my options so that my mother and her possesions are protected ?
I can't offer you any legal advice, but morally I think you hit the nail on the head. Sounds like your brother wants to dip his hands in her pocketbook as a personal stimulus plan.
That's what it looks like to me too. And I am damned mad about it Its not his money, at least until she has passed. Its there for her comfort and to make her life easier as long as she is with us. She & dad earned it.
Call an attorney immediately. Establish through records that YOU have dedicated your life to helping your mother and use witnesses to establish those facts. Please act on this quickly. Never underestimate the greed people will resort to when under financial distress. I bet your brother likes to blame the world for his problems, huh?
that sucks man, sorry to hear that. I agree attorney would be the way to go, and make sure everything is spelled out as Bumrush suggested. I have some family that is the same way, and it sucks to say it but you have to be strong and do what you know is right to take care of your mother first and make sure she is cared for to the best of your ability which it sounds like you're doing.
Don't jump to conclusions bro. You don't know for sure if those are his motives. Has he always tried to do things like this? Take advantage of people? If so I can see why you'd be cynical. Maybe it would be best to sit down and ask him straight up. If he's having money issues there could be other ways to deal with it, and if you can reach a conclusion together, it will be best for everyone involved.
My wife's two sisters are already chomping at my Mother in Law's 89 year old heels for the rights to her Manhattan apartment. I keep telling Mamita to sell it and put the money away so she can travel to visit the three sisters and her family back home in Ecuador.
Very sorry to hear this man, dont have any great advice other then whats been said but I do think some legal advice would be fitting.
Do you currently have power of attorney? If not, I would advise you to get one and a medical power of attorney as well. (They're two separate documents.)
Wow bro that is sriously ****ed up of your brother if he's trying to get his hands on your Mom's $$$. I'll echo the "get a lawyer, STAT" statement.
And I will echo that sentiment as well-get legal documentation NOW. I am very blessed that my stepfather was an attorney who specialized in Wills, Estates, Taxation, and Estate Planning, so of course he had everything set up in the event of his passing. When he died in 2003, my mother was set, and when she died in 2007, there were rock-solid wills, separate writings, and accounting set up so noone could argue about who got what. My step-siblings both got the greed gene from their mother and would have, I believe, attempted to clean my mother out after their father died, if he hadn't made everything so airtight. Do not delay-if you are in the Orlando area, I can give you referrals if you like.
Thanks everyone. Well I did call my attorney's office, and he is also my mother's estate lawyer. I hope he or one of his employees will be calling back this afternoon. I should say she does have most of the estate, including the house in a family trust, so I think that would be secure. I think he is wanting to get POA so we (if he can get me too) manipulate her checking and savings accounts, as well as her investment portfolio. I will never go along with this, but yes he has attempted to do stuff in the past that causes me to pause. I know mom has "forgiven" small loans to him in the past, and even when he was flush with money, he never came back to her and offered to repay loans she sorta forgave. I couldn't do that.....if I owe someone money, I pay them. I guess people are just built differently, especially when it comes to money. Thanks everyone for your advice, its much appreciated.
Once you have POA I would just flat out ask him if its the money he's after and how much he needs? Novel concept but I believe in being direct and to the point
I'm so sorry, Kevin. Having to deal with this sort of thing is so stressfull, not to mention distasteful when it involves family. You're on the right track, seeking legal help. Whatever you decide for your mom, it will be better-intentioned than it seems your brother would do.
That might work, but I know him well enough to know he is greedy and will ask for more than he needs. He's always been like that - a selfish bâtard
Thanks Nabo, that has been the worst part of it all, the stress. I already suffer from a anxiety disorder, the one thing I don't need is stress on top of that. It just compounds it all. If I freak out on the board about something if I can ask for a pass as I am under a lot of stress about this, and work and several impending bills that are really stressing me out right now.
theres always a thin line between money and family. ive gone through too much of it in my lifetime to care so much anymore.
This is very true, and frankly I hope he/she doesn't. But it will only be putting off the inevitable I guess The doctor has already said that there is no reversing dementia once it has set in, it can only stablize, or get worse.
Fin you are only 22, that is not something your family should have put you through at such a young age. I'm sorry for that bro
Thanks UT, its much appreciated. Dude I miss talking to you. You were a lot of fun in the game chats. Post more often
Really sorry for all the problems your brother is putting you through. I thank God my brother knows better than to ever do such a thing. he likes life to much to pull a stupid stunt like that.
Well I am well used to my brothers shennanigan's now. He is 4 years older and acts 30 years younger. At nearly 53 he still goes bar-hopping every weekend, has never tried to hold a responsible job, or own his own property. He thinks getting high and drunk is the be-all and end-all of living.
One of my good friends is going through a legal battle as we speak over inheritance, when their mother passed she left my buddy the company and the other brother a very nice house.... Well his brother went on to sell the house for like $300,000, now he's is coming to my friend demanding HE pay the overdue property taxes on the estate HE inherited then turned around and sold. Ofcourse that makes no sense to me but I did hear a one sided story. Its just sad that now they communicate through lawyers with letters. Best of luck bro, hope it all works out.
oh it goes way back to when i was little, my dads mom used to have as lot of money and all my family members used to fight over it. and then when my parents got divorced when i was 14 they still to this fight over money. im just sick of it.
I'm VERY sorry to hear about this...I witnessed this sort of thing tear my ex GF's family apart last summer. Her mother is one one of 11 kids and incredibly brilliant. Her sister is a financial adviser, my ex's mom got medical Power of attorney while her sister got power of attorney over the money. Didn't work out so well. With her health failing the grandmothers mom moved in with my ex's family and had rotating caretakers. The sister with power of attorney pulled a money grab....along with about 3 of the other kids. They started making up absurd accusations that the caretakers were there for my ex's mom and not the grandmother and that "their mother was running out of money". As a consequence my ex's mom ended up giving up the battle after about a year and gave the mother over to her sisters...who now POCKET the money that was PREVIOUSLY going towards her caretakers on top of hiring another two...........so now the mom is out of money and the daughters are trying to pawn her off on anther family member because "she's draining thier family resources". Despicable. I agree that you NEED to seek out an attorney. Had that happened earlier the situation might not have gone as far as it did. It's a damn shame and I concur that it's her money and should be used to enhance her life. I'm very sorry to hear this news and hope that it turns out for the best.
Yeah,.....what IS your name. Good to hear you went straight down the legal path Kevin. That is definately the first step. You and Momma can now rest assured money will be spent as it should, and she can live the rest of what time God has planned on her on this earth as she should. AND a side note: Fortunately, for now, my mom and dad still have each other, but if it ever came down to it, I would sacrifice MUCH for the well-being of my Mother. Bar none, one of the greatest beings ever put here. . Thinking back on how many things she did for me, there is nothing I could do to repay that...and that is exactly how it should be. Here's to you my friend, for looking out for Mama As always, you know the PM address
Bro that is a horrible situation, and my heart goes out to your ex GF. I can't imagine it getting anywhere near that nasty with us, because its just the two of us, but with my brother, you never know
Just an update, I did get in contact with my lawyer on Friday afternoon, and he assured me that things are "in place" and that my brother cannot complete a powergrab on any monies, as we are joint executors of mothers will, and will be joint beneficiares on the Family Trust. He can't do something without my consent, and vice-versa.
