Speaking of which... min 3:40 [video=youtube;r94G_i32x2U]http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=r94G_i32x2U#t=22 0[/video]
Lmao it does sound bad. I never see them, I just happened to go in the bathroom and see one leaning over the dead carcass of another eating it. So gross.
Why are ground hogs so bad for your property? I have 1 or 2 in my yard all he time, and I see them dart under my shed too.
In Philly this week. 80+ here and humid. Feels like back home. Got caught in a rainstorm last night leaving Chima and had to run 7 blocks back to the Ritz as I didn't want to wait for a car. Was really hoping the weather would be cooler and more pleasant than MS.
I know this is usually a fun thread, but man I got to vent. I am stressing so bad with this step-daughter bull**** its making my ****ing blood boil. We all do dumb stuff as kids, but I don't remember ever DECEIVING my parents....or purposely, and tactfully lying or coming up with elaborate plans to pull the wool over my parents eyes so to speak.... She’s just a liar. And took our trust and wiped her stupid *** with it. She was drinking and parting with guys and said she was having some stupid movie night with her friend. Then she lied about it for months, and when the mother of the other girl found out and tried to reach out….my step-daughter had this elaborate plan to block her phone # from my wife's phone, change her number in her contacts to some random number, and make up this complete elaborate ruse that her mom was crazy so we wouldn't believe anything she said. Needless to say, it came out anyways, my wife spoke to her mom on the phone for about an hour last night at 11:30pm…..found out there was video recorded hand jobs, making out, drinking etc……what a joke! We are furious! I wanna disown her and never pay for another thing involving her again! The funny thing is I don't like this "friend" she was hanging out with. I didn't want her to continue hanging with her once it came out her "Friend" blew some guy and was cutting herself because it got out at school....I didn't want her lumped in with that type of person. After a month of no hanging out, my wife gradually let her start hanging out with her more and more, even against my suggestion. I can only suggest so much being the step-father with her dad very much in her life still, albeit 4 states away. Now my wife is devastated. I almost feel like "I ****ing told you so"....but that doesn't help anything. It's ****ing hard. I can't stand it. She leaves in 3 days to go back home for the school year. My wife throws her arms up like "whats the point" and doesn't have an idea how to "punish" her. I think doing nothing sends a signal it's ok. My wife then asks "what do I do?".....and the only thing I came up with is have her sit down, call her dad and tell him word for word what ****ing happened. She'd be mortified. But who knows if my wife does anything. It's ****ing a crap shoot, and my words mean nothing in the long run. I'll just keep my eyes on my son; worry about him turning into a good human. I just don't want to have anything to do with her anymore, cause the road seems to be dead-ending at "teen pregnancy" and my moneys going to go towards it eventually whether I like it or not
All kids lie or deceive their parents about different things. That's just part of being a kid. What her specific actions tell you is that she knows she made some bad decisions; so bad that she went to great lengths to hide them and the actions she engaged in. (Sounds like maybe she'll end up a politician one day... ;-) ) Hate you're having so many problems with her, but you need to find a way to have some positive interaction with her and you and wife both need to talk to her like she is an adult and discuss her decisions with her. The main thing is to open the dialog and both side talk. I routinely go through my kids phones, computers, and tablets. We monitor their online apps and messaging as well. They don't like me doing it, but as I explain to them, I do it because I love them, I care about their welfare and decisions, and that I do it not because I don't trust THEM, but because I don't trust OTHERS. Kids these days have shorter and less innocent childhoods. The internet and instant online interaction with other kids mean that they are being exposed to a lot of stuff at a much earlier age and they are learning about adult oriented stuff much earlier than when we were in our youth. We don't just want to be their parents, but also their friends. We spend time one on one with each of our kids and talk to them about life, college, their dreams and aspirations, and what it takes to having a good future. They are very close with my wife as well and we have open discussions where we talk to them as adults. If I were you, I'd discuss with my wife, come to a unified agreement on rules, etc... then sit her down and talk openly with her. Don't talk down to her, don't yell at her, don't berate her, or belittle her. Be calm, cool, and collected. Let her talk and express herself. She is engaging in adult activities, so she needs to understand the real consequences of her actions on her life and also the impact that those actions could have on all of you if she were to become drunk and be taken advantage of. There are stories on the internet everyday about teens being drugged, raped, gang raped, over dosing on drugs or alcohol, ending up with STDs or pregnant, and committing suicide. Not pretty or fun to think about, but real life. Let her know that you both love her and want her to have a great future and life. JMO... YMMV. Now about you giving McLovin a hand (finger) job. Can FinD watch?
I appreciate the advice. We go through her phone and stuff too. It's so easy for them to delete **** and manipulate conversations to look innocent, when in all reality a dick was in her inbox 5 minutes previously. Its scary. Sitting down and talking to her like shes equal is tough also, I don't want her to think we're okay with her doing these activities, or we think she's an adult now lets talk about it. Kids are so smart these days but they're so ****ing dumb too. They can write novels on facebook messages, but if those same friends were face to face they'd stumble, fumble, stutter like morons because they have zero ****ing social skills. When my wife and I try to have conversations with her, calmly, she becomes defensive or blatantly lies, and it's mostly a one sided convo with her repeating "I get it" and what-not. MY wife has almost given up, like wtf the point is, but that's not best. It's just tough.
I hear you. And no, it's not easy. The main thing is to talk and keep the dialog open. It gets easier the more you do it. Make sure she knows you love her and care about her and if she starts getting defensive and toning you out, drop it and come back to it again later on with a different tact. My Dad was an Army MP and DI back in his day. I never got to actually talk with him as a kid. It was always a one sided ordeal when I was in trouble or something, or he wanted to impart some hard knocks wisdom. I'm sure he meant well, but getting dressed down constantly sucked. I try to be a better parent and it seems to be working.
bashing her mentally will get you nowhere. Talking to her can't hurt and can only help. maybe you need to get her mother to do the first installment of discussions. not sure any stepdaughter wants those conversations to come first from their stepdad. You can't possibly stop kids from being sexually active if their hormones are pushing them, but you can convince them to be more responsible - to try harder to not get pregnant - and to avoid stupid situations like this where if it goes public that they become the class ****.
Sick, I really feel your pain, I too have a Daughter. Went thru many of the same things you and your wife have/are going through. My Daughter after a very important discussion actually said to me, "yeah, but why you mad?" Believe me when I say that it took everything I had not to grab her and shake the $hit outta her. I just got up and walked away. She is now 23, needless to say she has learned some very horrible lessons, and has come out the other side doing very well. Very well! Trust me when I say, no matter what you do she will do what she wants anyway. A consistent message from you and your wife will help, if only during the tough times you cant blame the other for being too lenient. I cant stress that enough. Far too much exposure to everything on the internet is IMO the blame. Cuchulainn and his damn "how to" youtubes are to blame if you really want to be precise.
Great stuff man. One thing though, not sure the part about getting her to understand the consequences of her actions will work in her case b/c she has already witnessed the consequences of such actions first hand with her friend yet that didn't seem to phase her one bit. With that in mind, there could be something going on here where she has issues with self-worth and thus is seeking out friends she feels she deserves and shares a commonality with and is engaging in acts consistent with the way she perceives herself. Not to mention there are plenty of psychological conditions that manifest in antisocial behavior and/or deviant sexual activity or obsessiveness with sexuality, especially at an early age. A lot of Asperger's people are that way. Should probably sit her down, tell her they love her, express that it's ok for her to open up, that they're not here in this moment to judge her but rather to listen to anything she has to say while our parent badges are taken off for a minute. Remind her that her actions can be detrimental to the rest of her life, and reinforce the fact that "we all know you haven't made the greatest choices lately or else you wouldn't be trying to cover them up." {This next step is important} Repeat that last part back to her as a question, calmly asking "Right, would you agree that your choices lately haven't been the greatest ones?" It's important in future progress to get her to commit to this answer (hopefully a "yes") and especially while she's not feeling pressured, as this could be the first time she's actually honest with herself about what she's doing. Her knowing she's doing something wrong and actually telling herself she's doing something wrong are two different things entirely. Now, after Chris gets her to commit to that "yes", he then needs to ask her what she wants to do about it since this is her situation, not theirs, and since she's becoming an adult. The more answers or solutions she can give, the more they'll stick since they're coming from her. She can ignore anyone else's solutions quite easily but it's a lot harder to ignore her own after saying them aloud (same concept as getting her to commit to a yes). So let her open up. Be as comforting as approachable as possible to her. Sit next to her so she feels they are "with her" rather than sitting opposite her like an authority figure or someone "against" her. Tell her that they can't "make" her do anything nor do they want to make her do anything, that they're there for support and will offer advice if she asks for it. Then inform her that it might not really be anything she herself is doing. Tell her that it's quite common today for kids to have changes in the brain that affect the way they act that are out of her control and that it wouldn't be a big deal to visit a shrink to find some answers if she likes. Anyways, gotta run errands so need to cut this short. ...................
BTW Chris I understand your frustrations. I myself became the stepfather of a teenage girl who was similarly problematic and unruly, and it's MASSIVELY frustrating, especially when you know you weren't around the first 13 or 14 years to help shape her better and hopefully prevent this type of behavior from ever rearing its head up in the first place.
tl;dr I found out my daughter has been around the block a few times and I'm just now salvaging some semblance of sanity
Thanks for the advice everyone. My wife is working on stuff with her daughter, they had a real good long talk. Shes been quiet. She called her dad and told him everything. That was difficult for her. And him (thinking shes some perfect angel) She leaves Saturday.....its all a work in motion.
