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Cruel Revenge? Or not?

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by jason8er, Apr 15, 2008.

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  1. jason8er

    jason8er Luxury Box Luxury Box

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    The following story was forwarded to me by a friend. I don't think I have the cahones to ever even attempt this, but I still enjoyed reading it tremendously.
    *ATTENTION FEMALE READERS* You must stoop down to a man's level before reading. Then this won't seem so cruel.


    When girls don't put out!!

    One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'

    I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'

    So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

    'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'

    She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'

    Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

    The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'

    We went on to the jewellry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.

    I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
    dear, let's go to the cashier.'

    I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'

    Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'

    I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'

    And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'

    Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that ***** knows I'm smarter than her. :hi5:
     
  2. mor911

    mor911 pooping

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    hahaha good stuff!
     
  3. HardKoreXXX

    HardKoreXXX Insensitive to the Touch

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    Thats a classic.
     
  4. Boik14

    Boik14 Admin Club Member Retired Administrator

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    Ive seen it before but its doesnt make it less funny :)
     
  5. Stitches

    Stitches ThePhin's Biggest Killjoy Luxury Box

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    ditto
     
  6. phineas64

    phineas64 Season Ticket Holder

    Yes! It will never get old.
     
  7. alen1

    alen1 New Member

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    hahah good one. Thanks.
     
  8. BuckeyeKing

    BuckeyeKing Wolves DYNASTY!!!!

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    NEver gets old :lol:
     
  9. NaboCane

    NaboCane Banned

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    Smarter?

    She's got a bunch of diamond jewelry and he's still not getting any.

    Someone please explain to me how this guy didn't just shoot himself in the dick...not to mention setting a nice little precedent of, "I don't put out, you buy me jewels - and I still don't put out."

    Good luck with that, smart dude! :sidelol:
     
  10. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    He never bought her the stuff bro........................
     
  11. Dol-Fan Dupree

    Dol-Fan Dupree Tank? Who is Tank? I am Guy Incognito. Club Member

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    he didn't buy her jewels.

    That was the entire point
     
  12. cnc66

    cnc66 wiley veteran, bad spelur Luxury Box

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    are you in to the scotch and seegars already... :shifty:
     
    NaboCane and unluckyluciano like this.
  13. bkbuffet

    bkbuffet Season Ticket Holder

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    I think in the 'female' version of this that I've seen, it ended with a line like "Funeral services for the boyfriend will be held next Wednesday".

    Great stuff though!!!
     
    cnc66 likes this.
  14. Dol-Fan Dupree

    Dol-Fan Dupree Tank? Who is Tank? I am Guy Incognito. Club Member

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    because females are evil and violent?
     
  15. Frumundah Finnatic

    Frumundah Finnatic U Mad Miami?

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    Nah they just cant take jokes.
     
  16. ATVZ400

    ATVZ400 Senior Member

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    That was great...
     
  17. femalefinfan

    femalefinfan Phillies fan Luxury Box

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    Philth-a-delphia
    grrrrr
     
  18. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    bash bash bash
     
  19. NaboCane

    NaboCane Banned

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    Oh...
    [​IMG]
    ...never mind!
     
  20. Frumundah Finnatic

    Frumundah Finnatic U Mad Miami?

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    See I told ya.
     
  21. phineas64

    phineas64 Season Ticket Holder

    There are some exceptions, of course... :yes:

    Now put the gun away.
     

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