Cruel Revenge? Or not?
20 replies
jason8erLuxury BoxOPThe following story was forwarded to me by a friend. I don't think I have the cahones to ever even attempt this, but I still enjoyed reading it tremendously.
*ATTENTION FEMALE READERS* You must stoop down to a man's level before reading. Then this won't seem so cruel.
When girls don't put out!!
One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.'
I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!'
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.'
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?'
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.'
We went on to the jewellry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier.'
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.'
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?'
I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?'
Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that ***** knows I'm smarter than her. :hi5:
mor911Forum Veteranhahaha good stuff!
yesssssssssssssssssss
Fin D;2829671 wrote:
As mor wisely said
HardKoreXXXNew MemberThats a classic.
"Making people on the Internet feel better about their own lives since 2004"
Boik14SupporterIve seen it before but its doesnt make it less funny :)
StitchesLuxury Box"Boik14 wrote:
Ive seen it before but its doesnt make it less funny :)
ditto
2017 Dream Draft (3/17 – NFLDraftScout ~ Rankings used)
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54. Desmond King, S/DB, Iowa
97. Demarcus Walker, DE, FSU
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"Boik14 wrote:
Ive seen it before but its doesnt make it less funny :)
Yes! It will never get old.
The greatest value of the past is how wisely we invest it in the future.
- Jim Rohn
hahah good one. Thanks.
BuckeyeKingNew MemberNEver gets old :lol:
NaboCaneNew MemberSmarter?
She's got a bunch of diamond jewelry and he's still not getting any.
Someone please explain to me how this guy didn't just shoot himself in the dick...not to mention setting a nice little precedent of, "I don't put out, you buy me jewels - and I still don't put out."
Good luck with that, smart dude! :sidelol:
unluckylucianoNew Member"NaboCane wrote:
Smarter?
She's got a bunch of diamond jewelry and he's still not getting any.
Someone please explain to me how this guy didn't just shoot himself in the dick...not to mention setting a nice little precedent of, "I don't put out, you buy me jewels - and I still don't put out."
Good luck with that, smart dude! :sidelol:
He never bought her the stuff bro........................
thanks to VO for the sick ass sigs. 
Charlie: If you're not as educated or as informed what you do is you start your own party and you yell the loudest.
Dol-Fan DupreeForum Veteran"NaboCane wrote:
Smarter?
She's got a bunch of diamond jewelry and he's still not getting any.
Someone please explain to me how this guy didn't just shoot himself in the dick...not to mention setting a nice little precedent of, "I don't put out, you buy me jewels - and I still don't put out."
Good luck with that, smart dude! :sidelol:
he didn't buy her jewels.
That was the entire point
Holland is a huge upgrade over McCain
I want to be alive, I am alive! Alive, I tell you! Mother, I love you, those are no longer just words. I want to hold you, I want to run in a stream, I want to taste ice cream but not just put it in my mouth and let it slide down my throat but really eat it. - Robot Morty
cnc66Luxury Box"NaboCane wrote:
Smarter?
She's got a bunch of diamond jewelry and he's still not getting any.
Someone please explain to me how this guy didn't just shoot himself in the dick...not to mention setting a nice little precedent of, "I don't put out, you buy me jewels - and I still don't put out."
Good luck with that, smart dude! :sidelol:
I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.'
are you in to the scotch and seegars already... :shifty:
bkbuffetNew MemberI think in the 'female' version of this that I've seen, it ended with a line like "Funeral services for the boyfriend will be held next Wednesday".
Great stuff though!!!
Dol-Fan DupreeForum Veteran"bkbuffet wrote:
I think in the 'female' version of this that I've seen, it ended with a line like "Funeral services for the boyfriend will be held next Wednesday".
Great stuff though!!!
because females are evil and violent?
Holland is a huge upgrade over McCain
I want to be alive, I am alive! Alive, I tell you! Mother, I love you, those are no longer just words. I want to hold you, I want to run in a stream, I want to taste ice cream but not just put it in my mouth and let it slide down my throat but really eat it. - Robot Morty
Frumundah FinnaticNew Member"Dol-Fan Dupree wrote:
because females are evil and violent?
Nah they just cant take jokes.
MonstBlitz;2232016 wrote:
It wouldn't surprise me if he is retained. Jeff Ireland is the nightmare that won't end. The **** stain you cannot flush. The Herpes for which there is no cure.
femalefinfanLuxury Boxgrrrrr
unluckylucianoNew Member"femalefinfan wrote:
grrrrr
bash bash bash
thanks to VO for the sick ass sigs.
Charlie: If you're not as educated or as informed what you do is you start your own party and you yell the loudest.
NaboCaneNew Member"cnc66 wrote:
are you in to the scotch and seegars already... :shifty:
Oh...
...never mind!
Frumundah FinnaticNew Member"femalefinfan wrote:
grrrrr
See I told ya.
MonstBlitz;2232016 wrote:
It wouldn't surprise me if he is retained. Jeff Ireland is the nightmare that won't end. The **** stain you cannot flush. The Herpes for which there is no cure.
"femalefinfan wrote:
grrrrr
There are some exceptions, of course... :yes:
Now put the gun away.
The greatest value of the past is how wisely we invest it in the future.
- Jim Rohn