Are farts still funny?

Not even oil-pulling could put your parachute back in it's pack.

 

aaaaaaannnnnnndddddd

 

http://www.caranddriver.com/features/the-physics-of-clown-cars-feature

 

In West "By God" Virginia, they know that a truck tailgate works just as well as a cliff... and that you can put that little sheep's back legs in your waterboots to keep her from running away from your romanticin' if you have neither tailgate nor cliff... also, sheep don't care if you fart in the middle of makin sweet sweet love...

 

There's a perfectly good Maynard thread for this kind of post.

Sent from my Transformer TF101 using Tapatalk 4

 

Hokay...
In the U.S. Navy, there is a requirement for a ship to work up to operational standards following an overhaul, and then to maintain that during the three year overhaul cycle. In the middle of this, the ship will needto pass an Operational Readiness Inspection (the dreaded ORI!) The Good Old Charlie Duece (Charles F. Adams, DDG-2) had finished a refit cycle moored to a destroyer tender in Mayport, and had been at Newport for 90 Day Wonder School (Officer Candidate School) as training ship, so we were scheduled for an ORI before leaving Newport.

The night before the ORI, the Operations Department (Ops) men who had liberty went over and found a dock side bar. That included part of my gang in the Radio Shack as well as the guys from the Combat Information Center (CIC.) One of the guys in that bunch, who spoke real slow, was called "Flash." Flash had a specialty - the SBD. He would ambush anyone, anywhere, at any time, and just slightly grin.

Anyway, this gang went over and enjoyed their time in the bar - which included eating pickled eggs, eating brauts with sauerkraut, and drinking dark Schlitz in copious amounts. Most of the gang when back to the ship early - by midnight. A few of us kept steaming, and didn't get back to about 0300, including Flash.

The next day, we had inspectors everywhere, about 30 of them observing every part of the ship during drills which were to simulate how we responded to emergency situations during combat drills. As you might suppose, there is a great amount of this situated in CIC, (directly over the Radio Shack on the Deuce class.) And a great amount of that is situated around the DRT Table. This records the ship's track as well as any reported friendly or enemy contacts. (Even thought this was a drill, we had to keep track of friendly shipping!) Flash had a sound powered phone reporting contacts from lookouts at the DRT, which has about six people around it, including an inspection officer (a full commander for a destroyer ORI!)

The drill was going very well, until several of the guys at the DRT noticed Flash had a very slight grin on his face, and they knew what was coming. They all kept their head gear on and grabbed some paper pads to write contact info on, and backed away from the DRT table. The commander after a moment looked up and noticed all of these guys with their phones on standing just about as far away from the table as you could get and said, "What the **** is going on here. Get your asses back to this........ Good ****ing God Almighty! Who in the Hell died in here!" and went on for about 30 seconds.

Flash just stood there and smiled ever so slightly, and never said a word.

The drill was suspended for five minutes, and they replaced the lookout sound powered phone recorder (Flash.) We heard all of this because combat and radio central had locked their respective ***** boxes open, so we could get fast info back and forth to each other. We all rolled on the floor laughing because we knew!

Now, there is an old saying in the U.S. Navy about the difference between a sea story and a fairy tale.
The fairy tale begins "Once upon a time...."
A Sea Story begins "Now this ain't no ****!"

This is not a Sea Story drill. It is a real honest to God Sea Story!

 

It's science, *****!!!

[video=youtube_share;_zYIXmm-SRo]http://youtu.be/_zYIXmm-SRo[/video]

[video=youtube_share;hKiHZ4SGu5A]http://youtu.be/hKiHZ4SGu5A[/video]

 

My wife doesn't find them funny, and thus, I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight.

 

No. But poop is.

It's not the essence, but the substance.

 

Lucky. I'd fart more often if it'd land me on the sofa away from that snorer. She sounds like a goddam elephant with a sinus problem.

 

but at your age I'm sure there's plenty of substance with your essence.

 

yeah, I got one of those sleeping next to me too. sometimes I sleep in my office and I can still hear her snoring.

 

did you record her to prove how loud she actually is after she told you you're making it up?