You should spend tonight in a sandbox........... see if some feline critters cant bury you in your sleep.
Had a wedding to go to this past Friday night....sat at a table of 12, as the Chicken Dance came out I ripped a silent one....didnt think it was going to smell, holy **** it was awful......It choked my daughter.... Yes......Yes farts are still funny....
Darn, thought you were gonna say it came immediately following "If anyone here has any reasons as to why these two should not be joined in Holy Matrimony, let him speak now or forever hold his peace"
cue trumpet fart on hard metal folding chair. at least this time you were wearing pants.... and not in your moms basement.
Gotta make sure to archive and organize this thread into chapters. A college course onto itself. Sent from my Transformer TF101 using Tapatalk 4
What did I tell you about eating cat poop? Do we really need to have this talk again? Sent from my Transformer TF101 using Tapatalk 4
To be fair he hasn't figured out that I rap up cat poop rolled in kitty litter with Almond Roca wrappers......and yes I wear gloves but Lucky doesn't.
I can see it now- KB's head bobbin to Kid 'n Play as four chicks on the girlie machines stop and stare in unison at him, so he tosses back a confident smile-nod thinking to himself "damn I look good today".
Dang, I almost forgot this one,.....I went with a few friends to a strip club. Had a girl come up and do a lap dance for me and she did some sorta crazy 69 type move, like her ankles were on my shoulders her *** was where my chest was and she was going back and forth like she was going to stick it in my face. She accidentally let a small squeeker slip. She immediately jumped up and tried to a different move like nothing happened. Me and the guy next to me were the only two that heard it. She was trying so hard to pass it off, and me and my buddy were trying so hard not to laugh....Of course, that just builds and builds, my buddy couldnt make it...he let out a snicker, then that opened the flood gates. We just laughed hysterically. The stripper got pissed and walked off right in the middle of it. I apologized all I could but nothing helped. LOL
Ever ha one that sounds like you just opened a bottle of sprite? "pfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffft."
The ole fart on the plane disguiser.. Worst feeling man, you know you got gas, and you know you got a three hour flight, here's what you do, and trust me, I'm a professional.. Let it out early, then wait for approx 5 to 10 secs, or until you know your inside others around you, then, what you have to do is lift your head up in a surprising fashion, put your best Rock eyebrow imitation look on, and make as much eye contact with as many folks directly in your area, look at them with a connection that says, " who the fu&$ just had the audacity to fart on this freakin plane, disgusting..", maybe even add a SMH for extra bonus points..Your in the clear after that, just let it go anytime you please..this theory is guranteed.
Until you crap yourself... and then immediately hit turbulence. Sent from my SPH-L710 using Tapatalk 2
Maybe it's just a self mechanism that makes me feel better but I swear I feel guilt free and free in the clear..
Never feel guilt about a fart. It's a mirthful bodily function for which you need never apologize. It never fails to take you back to grammar school. Re-live your youth and make sure it's a Silent But Deadly.
I let one rip in my office with the door open today. Little did I know there were three people about to walk in the second after my butthole closed. Me: "Please come in... and close the door." Sent from my SPH-L710 using Tapatalk 2
On a different note, farts are still funny when: You think a store is empty and you let one rip and it echos and you see the one customer left peer over at you and all you can do is kinda grin like "yeah, I wouldnt come on this side of the store if I were you" Dont know who would do such a thing....
I just figured you would wanna speak to someone who understands you? CashInFist does seem like he would be that guy.
I have recently begun soaking my *** in coconut oil for 30 minutes a day and my farts not only no longer stink, but they sound like Mozart. Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk HD
