***OFFICIAL*** THEPHINS.COM Roast of Opfinistic

Will this thread follow the roast rule that the roastie gets the last word where he verbally mortally rips the roasters to shreds? Oh the carnage...

 

we gotta wait for Gish, Hardcore, Lucky and Sick to do their thing.

 

no! i was set to go last (before opie) cause my roast was solid as hell last time. i refuse to go any other time.....plus i didnt get all blue m&ms in my dressing room like i demanded........this is balogna..i agree with canephins! hes such a good guy!

/end

 

Easy turbo...no reason for you to get your panties all twisted. I was ruffling feathers and breaking down people on these here message boards on said internets before you or anyone else here sniffed a keyboard. I for one didn't say anything about your hosting duties. From what I can tell, you are doing just fine keeping things moving along smoothly. I don't think this comes as an accident for you...I mean, I am sure you are a pro at keeping the line moving quickly during your day job at McDonalds. If someone is undecided on what they want and is staring at the board, you just push them along and take the next person. I respect that. There is an order to things and you have it down to a science. Much like your mother...when one guy is undecided, she just moves on to the next one.

 

mom jokes..........................cool

 

Yo Momma!

 

Gish is in Africa doing it with monkeys.

 

My bad. I thought I was just following the tradition of this thread with weak jokes and lame flames.

 

***SICKs ROAST***

Ah another roast. good to be back. good to see all the roasters gathered around. i havent seen this many sexless losers in one place sense i went to the ladies lounge yesterday. ironic opie is a constant regular in that sub forum eh? i dont even think sub forum is a good word for the ladies lounge. more like the "dumpster" i mean how pathetic do you have to be to frequent that place? its not like your gunna see anything you cant see in a maxim magazine. its also on the biggest censored fan message board on the globe......i think the belly button is blurred out here. you *******s do know there is free porn on the internet right? and they arent wearing bikinis!...........................

well i just lost 98% of the people reading this right now. so ill move on cause griddles and gish are still here.

Theres naked photos of ted ginn on google also!!!!!!!!

there. now everyones gone.

the list of roasters this year is decently impressive. sam of course started **** off per usual. good for him. good to see hes putting his mediocre comedy to work still. sense i guess his manifesto of dog **** never caught on with the girls on this website. i guess people got offended from all the former dolphins mug shots.......or maybe he dissed ted ginn too much?

speaking of ted ginn. good to see griddles can take ginns dick out of his hand long enough to type a roast tonight. i swear to god griddles ****ed ted ginn. him and stitches defend that mother ****er like they are sitting on his face every time they log onto thephins. so griddles when you and ginn have sex......you must wear a condom no? considering he probably doesnt like the skin to skin "contact" too much. but seriously frodo, good for you for defending ginn.......i guess gigantic losers do really get brought together.

speaking of losers. I just watched E's roast. considering the bull**** he talks in real life, you'd think his roast would be worth reading. it isnt even worth ****ing. kindve like the girls E messes with, but mandys not apart of this roast, so ill leave her alone...........

hardkore is back to roast, i guess he can just jump in every once in awhile on the boards, and still come to these things like hes worth a damn........

**whispering off stage**

what? he just had a kid? you mean adopted?.........hes the biological father?! wow. damn sam.......casey had sex before griddles, i owe you 20 bucks. seriously congrats on the kid casey.....hopefully you sell your quota in trophies this year so you can afford diapers.

frumundah is a roaster now. the classic douchebag on fanhell that starts more threads than atvz in the mains......yet no one even knows anything about him. frumundah.....cool name. funny how you took it after azfinfang did his switch-a-roo like he does every month......he must correlate it with his period or something. good thing frumundah did his roast....i was no where to be found. he forgot about me....like his dad forgot about him as a baby....cause he def. doesnt show any sign of a male figure in his life. Thanks for sucking at life though frumundah......we normal folks need people like you to feel better about our lives.

Speaking of feeling better about our lives.....GISH is on my list to roast. the creator of all the bull**** rep threads and clubs. those are about as useless as GISH's life. i like that psychopathic maniac "jeffrey" more than gish. gish is a great computer artist which means he knows how to press correct buttons to let a computer make "art" for him.....good job. You are as cool as the "creative" kids that can make pretty rainbows on a light-bright toy.....



it looks good, not alot of people can do it, and no one gives a **** about it. Gish didnt show up for his roast.....cause unlike photoshop it required doing more than clicking a button and dragging a mouse. Its ok, he was probably busy starting some **** thread in the fantasy football forum....sucking his own dick....which will get a total of 6 views.....4 of which will be gish logged off from thephins to see if anyone gives a ****.

we dont.

and never will.

Ahhh lucky. everyones favorite mexican. But i wont do the cliche mexican waiter, taco or lawn care job jokes.

too easy.

You know lucky probably sits at home reading this **** laughing.....a 25 year old scottish white guy named Brian with a dr. huckstable sweater vest on drinking a box of wine.......



maybe he dreams of being full mexican? dream on lucky. The only thing mexican about lucky is his voice. called into my radio show....sounds like speedy gonzalez's drunk cousin.



i think lucky single handedly keeps the makers of modelos in business. good thing you showed up to the roast lucky, you helped create everything....then your too lazy to show up.

hell, maybe you ARE full mexican?



Speaking of **** sucking, republican HIV carriers. Section126 is here. creative user name. stupid honestly....cause all the bookies and drug dealers you owe money to and your ex wives looking for alimony know where to find your ***. Is there a bigger *** hole on thephins.com? everytime this guy posts it just ooozzees with gigantc frumundah ball cheese smell. smart *** responses, douchebag attitude, know it all answers.

when you think of section126......is this the human you picture in your imagination? loser in a bathrobe, sitting in a dolphins computer chair, heroin needle sticking outve his arm, glen rice heat jersey on, laughing cause he is about to buy $300.00 of money he doesnt have in stock at "T's lounge strip club" while his 3rd or 4th wife is in the process of filing for divorce all while ****ing the head janitor at miami northwestern highschool?



just me?

Section is that guy you meet at a work function that asks stupid ****ing questions, answers them immediatley anyways, slaps your back too hard while laughing obnoxiously, and smells like a urinal at the orange bowl. Well ill go ahead and stop with the section hating.......dont wanna give him a stomach ache......oh no.....thats from all rush limbaughs **** he swallows on a daily basis.

Opies turn. i bet hes heard that alot in his life. probably from section. Opie IS section.....except people like opie, and opie likes everone else. i mean EVERYONE. Opie thanks people more times than Fin Fan In Cali says "brother" in a day.

Opie has a real hot latino wife. if you've ever seen his pics from facebook you will seriously wonder how. but its simple really. shes still fresh off luckys econo van....



she hasnt learned enough english to leave him and make it in this world yet on her own. then and only then....she'll leave his ***. Then opie and section can hang out, snort some coke and discuss how section spends more time with B.E.E.R and gambling to keep a wife. and opie can try to explain mafia wars to sections stoned *** only to have him think opie is more of a loser than he is. which is unbelievable (and slightly untrue)

Opie cant have a life. he just cant. its impossible. Hes either thanking pagan all day in the ladies lounge & adding nothing but "id do her" or jokes he stole from his 12 year old nephew or playing mafia wars all day with a bunch of *** hole losers. seriously even douchebags like big e and griddles thought mafia wars was lame.....and Big E still wears t-shirts with "the rock" on it. cool opie.....reallll cool.

Seriously this ******* took a picture with a big *** cigar and made it his main facebook picture. Really? cool Don Corleone. Al Pacino could take a **** with corn in it and it'd have more "gangster street cred" than you. You sell ****ing ovens for a living! Enless your peddaling the heroin section uses out of the freezers you deliver you aint gangster dude. Buying a scarface poster at "spencers" and playing mafia wars on facebook all day gives you about as much street cred as andy dick.



i bet you also thought you were an actual ****ing black knight in the 80's when you played dungeons and dragons in your dads basement too?

Why all this hate for opie from me? how can you dislike the guy? honestly all he does is thank posts and hijack threads with mindless drivel jokes that are funny to 7th graders. maybe i hate him cause he beat me in the march madness poster thing?

or maybe......

maybe its because i dunno, i have a weird dislike for anyone who looks as if

dan lebatard



and newman from seinfeld



****ed at a blow party that section was having.....and jimmy (opie) is the ******ed ****ing result?!?!........



or maybe.....i love him. thanks for letting us do this to you opie. and thanks for giving me 1/2 of my 15 thousand thanks on this site. that goes for everyone as well. your impossible to not like, i consider you a friend and i know you'll thank this post in 3....2....1.......

thanks everyone for reading, if i roasted you.....i like you.....even section. (now rick1966 on the other hand? **** that guy)

love you guys. thanks sam for putting this together. **** you canephins.

goodnight!!!!!!!

 

Boom.Roasted.

 

OK fine:

Sick is a whiny ****ing baby who apparently cant live with the fact that I didnt mention him in my roast, Fall Out Boy would like to collectively call you a homo.

Of course that would explain why he likes Weezer so much.

You are like some crazy chick that thinks "we have a future together" on the first goddamned date.

Also he cant say Jaguars right which makes him suck harder than Griddles blowing Ted Ginn and Ted Ginn attempting to catch a pass combined.

In conclusion if you are gonna ***** about being left out my roast you have no idea how much I dont give a ****, dont be a *****.

 

Whoa...whoa...whoa....this roast is about Opie stoopid....

 

Opfinistic is so ugly he couldn't get laid in a women's prison, with a pocket full of pardons...

 

damn it...the security at this roast is the worst ever....

 

Im not sure youd want to get laid in a womens prison. I mean some of those inmates are as butch as the guys. Just sayin.

 

I was just kidding... I thought this was a roast...all in good fun, was I wrong? Sorry if I was... (Wouldn't be my first moronic moment at this website...)

 

Its all in good fun. Enforcer was just being enforcer.

 

I'm pretty sure we'd all be sodomized in a woman's prison.

 

And Im sure a few of you would enjoy it.

Not I though. Frankly my buttcheeks would be clenched tighter then a terrorists during a cavity search

 

I stopped reading after "sense". Really? Sense?

 

itz a roASt knot a grammEr X'am !!!!!!""

 

This isn't even a spelling issue as much as it is the wrong word issue. You do know the difference between "sense" and "since", right?

 

yes like "he has no sense" and "i have loved it since i was a little boy"

just was typing really fast.....get off my nuts professor

 

SICK was REALLY good.

REALLY good.

way to go...I was impressed by him...now I will breakdown his roast of ....ME.

 

Uncanny how he got me down....these are not even jokes..this is basically my autobiography.

brilliant work SICK!

 

Even Rick James thought you were to wild to party with.....impressive

 

Had to click UN-IGNORE just to read SICKs post.......
























...who loves ya baby! (great job)
















......seriously Who?

 

laughed outloud with your response....and i mean i laughed outloud for about 45 seconds haha....good stuff man.

 

OK well now I feel like an *** for just throwing mine together....

 

lmaoo!

 

Just click on "View Post" when you want to, that's what I do with SICK.








J/K..........








I don't EVER view SICK'S posts!!!

 

Sam texted me right as I was about to drive home in an ice storm, so I put something together in 15 minutes before I left... The only thing I'm proud of is the photoshopped photo of Sam... I figured I'd rush to post it because everyone else would be quicker... but nope.