A very successful lawyer parked his brand new Lexus in front of the office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck came along too close to the curb and completely tore off the driver's door. Fortunately, a cop in a police car was close enough to see the accident and pulled up behind the Lexus, his lights flashing. But, before the cop had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically about how his Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter how the body shop tried to make it new again. After the lawyer finally wound down from his rant, the cop shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you neglect the most important things in life." "How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer The cop replied, "Don't you even realize that your left arm is missing? It got ripped off when the truck hit you!!!" "OH, MY GOD!" screamed the lawyer. (Scroll down) "MY ROLEX!"
HER DIARY Saturday night I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar to have a drink. I was shopping with my friend all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment. Conversation wasn't flowing so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk, he agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was wrong and he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry. On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior; I don't know why he didn't say I love you too. When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched T. V. He seemed distant and absent. Finally I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else. I decided that I could not take it anymore and I wanted to confront him with the situation but he had fallen asleep. I started crying and cried until I too fell asleep. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster. HIS DIARY Shot a 97 today... Can't putt for crap. Got laid though!
You know you're a redneck when... 1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree. 2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter. 3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years. 4. You burn your yard rather than mow it. 5. You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive. 6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture. 7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it. 8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial. 9. You come back from the dump with more than you took. 10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table. 11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat. 12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list. 13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower. 14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog. 15. You go to the stock car races and don't need a program. 16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold. 17. You have a rag for a gas cap. 18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does. 19. You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean. 20. You can spit without opening your mouth. 21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it. 22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand. 23. You have a complete set of salad bowls -- and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side. 24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Wal-Mart. 25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV. 26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table. 27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000 worth of improvements. 28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back. 29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty. 30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65.
A Doctor was addressing a large audience. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?" After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."
How to install a security system in West Virginia: 1. Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of men's used work boots, size 14-16. 2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns and Ammo and your NRA magazines. 3. Put a giant dog dish next to the boots and magazine. 4. Leave a note on your door that reads: "Hey Bubba. Big Mike, Slim, Tiny and I went for more ammo. Back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls. They attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up pretty bad. I don't think Killer took part in it but I locked all four of them in the house. Better wait outside"
Always listen to your wife, she gives sound advice: 99% Sound and 1% Advice…. I have learned that if you upset your wife, she nags you. If you upset her even more you get the silent treatment. Don't you think it's worth the extra effort?
How to distinguish a Redneck's computer How to distinguish a Redneck's computer: - The monitor is up on blocks. - Outgoing faxes have tobaqcco stains on them. - The keyboard is camouflaged. - The password is "Bubba". - The six front keys have rotted out. - The extra RAM ports have truck parts stored in them. - The numeric keypad only goes up to three. - There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU. - There's a Coors can in the CD-ROM drive. - The mouse is referred to as a critter.
Little Johnny 6 Teacher: "Can anyone give me the definition of 'egghead'?" Little Johnny: "It's what Mrs. Dumpty gives to Humpty."
What is the difference between sin and shame? It's a sin to put it in, but it's a shame to pull it out
A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. After applying lipstick in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints [puportedly practicing the perfect pucker]. Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered all the girls together who wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at 2pm. They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them. The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was to remove the waxey lipstick, and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean. The custodian then demonstrated... He took a long brush on a handle out of a box. He then dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick. That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the mirror
After much soul-searching and having determined the husband was infertile, the childless couple decided to try artificial insemination. When the woman showed up at the clinic, she was told to undress from the waist down, get on the table and place her feet in the stirrups. She was feeling rather awkward about the entire procedure when the doctor came in. Her anxiety was not diminished by the sight of him pulling down his pants! "Wait a minute! What the hell is going on here?" yelped the woman, pulling herself into a sitting position. "Don't you want to get pregnant?" asked the doctor. "Well, yes, I do," answered the woman. "Then lie back and spread 'em," replied the doctor. "We're all out of the bottled stuff. You'll just have to settle for what's on tap."
Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the druggist - he insulted me terribly this morning on the phone." Immediately the protective husband drove downtown to accost the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it: This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its like crazy without relenting. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels - the phone was still ringing - when I came up, I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone was still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife - she was wanting to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And I TOLD HER!!!!
A drunk got on a bus and started weaving down the aisle, Suddenly he started yelling out that everyone on the right side of the bus was an a**hole and everyone on the left side of the bus was a son of a b*tch. One passenger on the right stood up and said agrily: "Wait just a minute! I'm not an a**hole!" The drunk said: "So move to the other side!"
Heads Up A "heads up" for those men who may be regular Home Depot or Lowes customers. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-21 year-old girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say "No" and instead ask you for a ride to another hardware store. You agree and they get in the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen May 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th, 17th, 20th, & 22nd 23rd. Also June 1st, 4th, twice on the 8th, 10th, 14th, 16th, 20th, three times last Saturday and very likely again this upcoming weekend. So tell your friends to be careful. P.S. K-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99
Little Johnny told his schoolfriend: "Annie Roberts cheats!" "Why do you say that?" asked his friend. "Well," said Little Johnny, "she said she'd show me hers if I showed her mine - but she ain't got one!"
The rule of the tool: if the mass of the *** is proportional to the angle of the dangle, then the torque of the pork determines the heat of the meat.
It was Little Georgie's first day in a new school, so his father looked up the teacher. He told her that Little Georgie was a good kid but that he was a hell of a gambler. He warned her that Little Georgie might win lunch money from the other kids if he was not watched closely. The teacher did not seem disturbed, she assured the father that she had handled many such problems and was very capable of taking care of Little Georgie's urge to gamble. Shortly after lunch, Little Georgie's father called the teacher and asked her how things were going. "Oh, everything is going very well," she said, "I think I may have cured Little Georgie of his gambling habit." The father asked her what had happened. "Little Georgie absolutely insisted on betting me ten dollars that I had a mole on my rear," she said, "I finally agreed to the bet and took him to the teacher's lounge to show him that I had no mole." "Damn!" His father said. "He bet me fifty dollars this morning that he would have your pants down before the day was over!"
Two eldery men at the Cat-House Two elderly gentlemen, who had been without sex for several years, decided they needed to visit a cat-house. When they arrived, the madam took one look at them and decided she wasn't going to waste any of her girls on these two old men. So she used "blow-up" dolls instead. She put the dolls in each man's room and left them to their business. After the two men were finished, they started walking home and began to talking. The first man said, "I think the girl I had was dead. She never moved, talked or even groaned... how was it for you?" The second man replied, "I think mine was a witch. When I nibbled on her breast..... she farted and flew out the window!"
An elderly gentleman of 85 feared his wife was getting hard of hearing. So one day he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked. The Doctor made an appointment for a hearing test in two weeks, and meanwhile there's a simple informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the state of her problem. "Here's what you do," said the doctor, "start out about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response." That evening, the wife is in the kitchen making dinner, and he's in the living room. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." Then in a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for supper?" No response. So the husband moved to the other end of the room, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for supper?" Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for supper?" Again he gets no response. So he walks up to the kitchen door, only 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for supper?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for supper?" "Damn it Earl, for the fifth time, CHICKEN
A few nights ago, a few friends and I were in a bar telling all the Polish jokes we knew. Boy, what a feast! Anyway, I ducked into the restroom to sprinkle the old porcelain. While I was in there, this big guy came in and said to me, "Hey pal, I'm Polish and I don't like you telling all those Polish jokes!" So I said, "Well, they're not against you, pal, just against anyone in Poland." "My mother is in Poland!" he screams, and pulls out a razor. Boy was I scared! I was sure he would have killed me if he had found a place to plug it in!
a teacher was in her math class and asked the class if 5 birds were sitting on a fence and you shot 2 how many would be left? little johnny was waving his hand and finally got to answer, he said, none because soon as you fired the gun the rest would fly away. the teacher said no the answer was 3, "but i like the way you think!" johnny said, there are 3 women sitting on a bench, one is eating a candy bar, one is eating a hamburger and the other is sucking on a popcicle. my question is, which one is married? the teacher turned red and said probably the one sucking on a popcicle. johnny said no, it was the one with the wedding ring, "but i like the way you think!"
A man sits in a bar, reading a newspaper. Suddenly he is tapped on his shoulder by another man: - ’Excuse me sir, but do you know mrs. Appleblossom?’ the man folds up his newspaper, coughs slightly and replies: - ’just a moment sir’, after which he takes out a little black notebook. ’A, A, A... [finding the name in the book] yes, actually I do know mrs. Appleblossom’. He puts the notebook back into his inside pocket picks up the newspaper and continues reading. The other man taps his shoulder again: - ’Excuse me sir, but have you been to bed with mrs. Appleblossom?’ The first gent puts the newspaper down again, finds his notebook and checks: - ’B, B, B... ahh, yes, I have been to bed with mrs. Appleblossom’ He starts putting the notebook away when he once again is tapped on the shoulder: - ’Excuse me sir, but I am mr. Appleblossom, and I am very disappointed’ - ’D, D, D... ahh... yes sir, so was I!
A sheep farmer made his monthly journey into town to buy supplies. While loading up his pickup, he spotted one of the girls who worked at the bordello watching him. "Say, honey," he asked, "what's the going rate these days?" "Hundred bucks," she replied. "If every man raised sheep, we wouldn't need you women," he exclaimed with disgust. "Yeah," she said, "and if vibrators could cut the grass, we wouldn't need you men, either."
A few days before the young couple were to get married, the girl accidentally walked in on her husband to be. He was just climbing out of the shower drying his head with a towel and didn't see her. She was unsure of what she had seen, so she went to her doctor for advice. "Doc," she said, "What is that long thing between a man's legs?" "Well, that is called the *****." he said. "Oh." she said, "Well, what is that big round thing on the end of the *****?" "That is called the head of the *****." the doctor said. "Oh." she said, "Well, what are those big round things located about thirteen inches back from the head of the *****?" The doctor said, "Honey, I don't know about your boyfriend but on me, that is the cheeks of my ***."
One Liners.... Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. An alarm clock is a device for waking people up who don't have small kids. What's the difference between a ***** and a ****? A ***** is warm soft and wonderful and a ****'s the thing that owns it. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra? When you take it off you wonder where her **** went. Why do women have foreheads?So you have someplace to kiss them after they give you a *******.
Bob knocked on the door of the house where a cab driver had told him he could be sexually accommodated. An eye-level panel slid open and a female voice asked what he wanted. "I want to get screwed," said Bob. "OK, mister, but this is a private club, so slip $20, as an initiation fee, through the mail slot," answered the voice. Bob put the money in the mail slot, the panel was closed, minutes passed. Nothing happened. He began to pound on the door insistently, and the panel slid open. "Hey," exclaimed Bob, "I want to get screwed! "What," said the female voice, "again?"
A beautiful young blond woman boards a plane to LA with a ticket for the coach section. She looks at the seats in coach and then looks ahead to the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in coach. The blond replies, "I'm young, blond and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA." Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blond problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in coach. Again, the blond replies, "I'm young, blond and beautiful, and I'm going to sit here all the way to LA." The captain doesn't want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blond with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blond girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something into the blonde's ear. She immediately gets up, says, "Thank you so much," hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the coach section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman. He replies, "I just told her that the first class section isn't going to LA."
A woman in her forties went to a plastic surgeon for a face-lift. The surgeon told her about a new procedure called "The Knob," where a small knob is placed on the top of a woman's head and can be turned to tighten up her skin to produce the effect of a brand new face lift. Of course the woman wanted "The Knob." Over the course of the years, the woman kept tightening the knob, and the effects were wonderful, and the woman remained young-looking and vibrant. After fifteen years, the woman returned to the surgeon with two problems. "All these years, everything has been working just fine. I've had to turn the knob many times and I've always loved the results. But now, I've developed two annoying problems: First, I have these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob won't get rid of them." The doctor looked at her closely and said, "Those aren't bags, those are your breasts." "Well," She said, "I guess there's no point in asking about the goatee."
First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet school were attending their first anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them, 'In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body. For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. 'Go ahead and do the same thing,' he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it. When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, 'The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough, it's even tougher if you're stupid...
The following ad in The Atlanta Journal is reported to have received numerous calls: "Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good-looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call and ask for Daisy." More than 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador retriever.
This older man married an attractive woman, half his age. After several months, the young woman complained that she had never climaxed during sex; and according to her Mama, all women are entitled to a climax once in a while. So, to resolve the problem, they went to see the Doctor. The Doctor didn't have a clue, but he did recall how, during the hot summer, his Momma and Daddy would fan a sheep that was having difficulty breeding with a big towel. This would cool the young woman down and make her relax. So, the Doctor told the older man to hire a strong, virile, young man to wave a big towel over them while they were having sex. This, the Doctor said, would cause the young woman to cool down, relax, then climax. So the older man hired a man from the big city to wave that big towel over them as the Doctor suggested. After many efforts, The young woman still had not climaxed! They went back to the Doctor. The Doctor said for the young woman to change partners and let the man have sex with her while her husband waved the big towel. They tried it that night and the young woman went into wild, screaming, ear-splitting climaxes, one right after the other for about two and a half hours. When it was over, the older man looked down at the exhausted younger man and in a cocky manner said, 'And that, my friend, is how you wave a towel!'
Dirty Joke.... *BEWARE* John is in Amsterdam and visits a nudist colony there. While wandering around naked he spots a gorgeous blonde and he immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over and says "Sir, did you call for me?" John replies: "No!" She says "Well, it's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it means you called for me." She then layes him down and starts making love to him. Later that day John visits the sauna, but as he sits down he farts. A huge big hairy guy get up, drops his towel to show a huge erection and says "Sir, did you call for me?" John replies, "No!" The man says, "It's a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The man then knocks John to the floor and has his way with him. As soon as he's finished John rushes back to his room, grabs all his things and heads for the exit. On his way out he's stopped by the manager he askes "Can I help you ?" John says "Here's my room keys I'm leaving early" The manager asks why and John replies "I'm 60 years old, I get an erection once a week but I fart 20 times a day !!"
John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night. He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night." She said, "Aye, what was your toast?" John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, John," Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's toasting buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "John won the prize, the other night, with a toast about you, Mary." She said, "Aye and I was a bit surprised myself! You know, he's only been there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
The bloke apologised, and explained that his wife would never go for it, that she did not allow him to go drinking after work. The co-worker kindly suggested a way to overcome that problem: "When you get home tonight, sneak into the house, slide down under the sheets, and give her oral sex. Women love it, and believe me, she'll never mention that you were home late." So the bloke agreed to try it, and went out and enjoyed himself. Very late that night, he sneaked home, snuck into the bedroom, crawled under the covers, slipped down under the sheets, gently slid down his wife's panties, all without making a sound, and gave her oral sex as he had never done before. She, of course, moaned and groaned with pleasure, After a little while, the beer he had drunk gaveits usual message and he realised he had relieve himself. He got out of bed, still without making a sound and tiptoed into the en-suite. When he opened the door, he was very surprised to see his wife sitting there. "How on earth did you get in here?" He gasped. "Ssssssshhhhh!" She whispered, putting her finger to her lips... "...You'll wake mother!"
A farmer had five female pigs. Times were hard, so he decided to take them to the county fair and sell them. At the fair, he met another farmer who owned five male pigs. After talking a bit, they decided to mate the pigs and split everything 50/50. The farmers lived sixty miles apart. So they agreed to drive thirty miles each, and find a field in which to let the pigs mate. The first morning, the farmer with the female pigs got up at 5 A.M, loaded the pigs into the family station wagon, which was the only vehicle he had, and drove the thirty miles. While the pigs were mating, he asked the other farmer, "How will I know if they are pregnant?" The other farmer replied, "If they're lying in the grass in the morning, they're pregnant. If they're in the mud, they're not." The next morning the pigs were rolling in the mud. So he hosed them off, loaded them into the family station wagon again and proceeded to try again. This continued each morning for more than a week. The next morning he was too tired to get out of bed. He called to his wife, "Honey, please look outside and tell me whether the pigs are in the mud or in the grass." "Neither," yelled his wife, "they're in the station wagon and one of them is honking the horn."
Pick up lines I'm not sure will work real well..... 1. I wish you were a door so I could slam you all day long. 2. (Lick finger and wipe on her shirt)....Let's get you out of these wet clothes. 3. Nice legs...what time do they open? 4. Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package. 5. You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more? 6. Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money? 7. I may not be the best looking guy in here, but I'm the only one talking to you. 8. I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher,have you seen one? 9. I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on Earth tonight. 10. Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me. 11. I wish you were a Pony Carousel outside Superdrug, so I could ride you all day long for a quarter. 12. Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a braille name tag. 13. I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked. 14. Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway to heaven? 15. You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away. 16. You must be the limp doctor because I've got a stiffy. 17. I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther for that thing you do with your tongue. 18. If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning. 19. You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me. 20. You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions? 21. F@# me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga Titsbottom? 22. Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor. 23. My name is Austin ... remember that, you'll be screaming it later. 24. Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again? 25. Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me. 26. My friend wants to know if YOU think I'M cute." 27. Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you. 28. My name isn't Elmo, but you can tickle me anytime you want to. 29. I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking? 30. If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we could do it in public. 31. Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza? 32. Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me. 33. Do you sleep on your stomach? no..........? Can I??? 34. Do you wash your pants in Windex because I can see myself in them. 35. I lost my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this cheap motel room.
