Samphin and Unluckyluciano present: THE PHINZEES!

And we’re back here in my garage where The Phinzees are being held. As you already know, a couple of awards have already been handed out. Unluckyluciano, in a somewhat shocking upset, took home the Red Lighter Phinzee and Boomer snagged the Mike Myers Sucks Phinzee all the way from across the pond.

You judges, once again are Section126, Pagan, and In_Flames and your emergency judge is Unluckyluciano. Now that we all know what we need to know. After all, knowing IS half the battle…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4OPr_QxoFg

Let’s give out another Phinzee!

This nominees for the Elephonkey Donkaphant Phinzee (the PoFo Mofo) are:

A: Section126: Even though he is a judge in this show, it doesn’t preclude him from being nominated for an award. I see no conflict of interest whatsoever. Section is famous for his writing sparring skills and calling out the democrats for what they really are: pot smoking jobless bums who suckle at the teat of honest, hard working taxpayers.

B: Devilfin13: If a movie were to be made about the PoFo, Devilfin13 would certainly be on the opposite side of Section. Known as Sunshine by his C2C teammates, the long haired lefty tells it like it is and accurately depicts the pubs for what THEY are: alcohol abusing thieves who hate minorities and love porn even if they vote against it.

C: Padre31: The good father is another mainstay in the political forum. His finger pointing and so called facts have shot many an argument down. But what are facts anyways? They are meaningless. They can be used to prove anything. Pssssssht. Facts…

And the Winner is…. A TIE!

That’s right. We have a three way tie. The interesting thing is, section did NOT vote for himself. Could his false attempt at modesty cost him the beloved Phinzee to his arch enemy Devilfin13? This can only be decided by one man!



No not him, I meant unlucky…

Unlucky, how do you vote?

Unlucky: Section126...BOO YA!

And the Phinzee goes to: Section126

Upon winning the award, Section cried. Realizing that it will be the only gold trophy South Beach will see in awhile, the moment overwhelmed the big lug. He soon recovered though when he drove his rolls Royce through a middle class neighborhood and thought of ways to depreciate the value in order to have everyone sell off to big business. Kudos to you Section!

Moving right along, the next award is to give thanks to the hard working and hardly working moderators of this wonderful place we call our home(page).

The nominees for the Stalin Phinzee (Mod of the Century) are:

A: njfinfan: The much respected, much loved chief mod. Having taken the philosophy that people are generally good, Mary has been the glue that holds the mod staff together. Having carried over her skills from that evil bad place, to the new happy place has been a boon for Celtkin and Muck. But don’t let this lil lady fool you. If you get out of line, she will crack the whip in a heartbeat.

B:cnc66: The man who claims his name is “Marty” is quite the active fellow on www.thephins.com So active in fact, that he has even given warnings to yours truly even though I wasn’t involved in the thread in question. To sum it up, cnc keeps the nay do gooders in check and cuts off potential problems at the pass. In other words, he does what Channing Crowder can’t (sorry finsgirlie).

C: GridIronking34: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA……nope not done AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

And the winner is…….CNC66!

A well deserved winner, Marty takes the award with a majority vote win over Mary in a closely contested race. Bringing up the rear in a distant third is Griddlecakes. Perhaps next year for the young JedI. But this year, the Sith Lord takes home the lil gold Dolphin!

The fifth category is not an individual award. We have all heard of the phrase, “It takes two to tango.” Well this award proves that you can dance with more than once other person if you so choose…

The Mike Tyson vs. Bruce Seldon Phinzze nominees (best fight) are:
A: Celtkin/Muck vs. Fin-atic/Finheaven: The war to settle the score. The Brawl for it All. The 20 Night Fight. Whatever you want to call it, this is the battle that the entire internet has and will be talking about for decades. Despite the evil breakup sex between Mal/George and Fin-atic/MikeO, it spawned a beautiful hate baby called www.thephins.com. Proving that not all fights end badly.

B: KB21 vs. Bill Parcells/Jake Long supporters: Perhaps the most entertaining fight of the year saw KB21 rail against any and all comers in the Parcells/Long debates. It got so heated at times that the normally mild mannered guru resorted to violating TOS multiple times to prove his points and hurt others feelings. Simply an epic fight that has yet to be decided. In the end KB may be able to scream “I told you so!.”

C: King Felix vs. Life: Sadly, Life has no mercy rule. Otherwise, this contest would have been called a long time ago. Felix is a trooper though. No matter how man poo sandwiches Life gives him, he just keeps on dipping it in ranch dressing and asking for more. In that regard, he is like Rocky. A pot smoking, Mariner loving Rocky Balboa…

And the winner is…CELTKIN/MUCK vs. FIN-ATIC/FINHEAVEN!

This was an easy choice. KB21’s fights were good, but it was like Pulp Fiction being released the same year Forrest Gump was. You simply cannot win when something that big comes along to trump it.

In an ironic twist of fate, Fin-atic attempted to show up for tonight’s awards thinking he may win, but was banned from the shows venue with any and all mentiones of him showing up as nothing more than ***-****.

Well folks, we are about halfway through the first ever Phinzees awards. We have had some upsets, some blowouts and a good laugh at Griddles expense. All in all I would consider that a success.

However, like I said before, we are only about HALFWAY THROUGH! Much more still to come, including performance by Jay-Z, Michael Jackson with 2 Live Cru and an incredible performance by Yucko the Clown!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cRHC2GlRQLQ&feature=related

 

As we start up the second half of the awards, I wonder aloud if I should review the wein…I mean WINNERS. But I don’t think it is really needed seeing as how if you all can’t remember who has won what after five awards, or are too lazy to go back and look again, then me recapping here probably does you no good.

The first award of the second half, or as I call them, the awards that actually MATTER, will begin with a fun one.

The nominees for the Creepy Peeper Phinzee (Best Ladies Lounge contributor) are:

A: Pagan: Was there any ever doubt as to who would be nominated for this? The Mustang Mullet Man has had the corner on the ladies market for as long as I care to remember. He proves day in and day out that no one spends more time looking at semi-naked women than him. And the best part? He shares!

B: Calphin: I actually forgot who else was nominated and had to go back and look at my ballot. I like Calphin but there is little to know chance he can win this right? Or can he?

C: TotoreMexico: Another good dude, but I have a feeling this is gonna be a Reagan/Mondale type landslide.


And the winner is….PAGAN!


I know, shock and surprise right? Sometimes, you simply have to give Michael Jordan the MVP trophy. Pagan has earned a lifetime achievement award in this category. And at his rate, he is gonna get two. The real talent is how he is able to post so frequently with one hand…

Congrats Pagan!


As you put together an awards show as prestigious as this one, there needs to be careful planning and foresight as to HOW and WHEN you give out certain awards. For example, we just gave out an award celebrating the pervocity of Pagan. It was riddle with sexual innuendo and inappropriate pictures of women.

What I am saying is that, it would be impossible to have one of the top tiered awards follow that up and mean anything. So the key is to find an award that is the exact opposite of the award that was just handed out. And nothing can be more opposite of woman and scoring than a Phinzee dedicated to online contests and tournaments!

The nominees for the Its On Like Donkey Kong Phinzee (best contest award) are:

A: Just Damn Funny Tourney: Started by a guy that has more “’ns in his name than should be legally aloud, it pitted comedians, tv shows, movies etc. that are supposedly funny against one another in a single elimination chamber of death. This was a true Last Comic Standing. Jay Mohr, eat your heart out.
B: Sidekick Tourney: Seeing as how this is the sidekick tourney, I debated wheter or not to have UnluckyLuciano do the write up…hi yoooooooooooooo! Founded by dolphins message board legend, Dr. AstroZoom, this tournament too the very best of the…second best and had them duke it out until only one annoying second was left.

C: Bad *** Tourney: The tourney that started the tourney craze over at www.thephins.com. Section126 created and completed this tournament of *** whooper by pairing registered, certified bad *** against one another. The end result? A plethora of tournaments and a brand spanking new sub-forum on the boards.

And the Phinzee goes to…….THE JUST DAMN FUNNY TOURNAMENT!

Whether it is because it is the latest or whether it was the best, the hilarious battle has taken home some serious shwag. Congratulations to the winners, and the losers. Perhaps one day we will have enough tournaments to run a “best tournaments” tournament.

Speaking of the best, We happen to have some of the best graphic artist in all of internet land working on our site. Everything from custom sigs, to web design and even some animated .gifs, these masters of the point and click deserve credit for all of the hard, and not so hard work that they have put in.

The nominees for the Decapitated Monet Phinzee (best artist) are:

A: In_Flames: One of the legends of the graphics forums, In_Flames recently comleted the daunting task of creating each and every logo for the teams in the draft thread. His work can be found throughout the website in the form of signatures, avatars and other little nuggets, proudly displayed by our fellow posters. Oh and he happens to be the guy who designed the awesome Phinzee award!

B: Gish: A relative newcomer to the world of graphic art. Gish has certainly made an impression on people with his creative, experimental work. It is even more impressive when you factor in that he does not have photoshop. In fact, I have no idea what program he uses. He may be drawing this things with crayon for all I know. Whatever he does though, it looks good.
C: DarkMistress: For those of you who don’t know The Dark Lady of thephins.com, consider yourself stupid and uninformed. The Thunder from Down Under is responsible for the perfect web layout and design you see right here on the very site. Her limits are borderless and her talents stretch form complicated jersey switched to previously mentioned web designs. Simply a fantastic artist and a perfect candidate for this award.

And the winner is…IN_FLAMES!

Perhaps a mild upset, In_flames walks away with his own creation! A tightly contested voting process reveals that In_flames took this by the skin of his teeth. Literally. No I mean it, the dude is weird and has skin on his teeth. That is how he got so good at photoshop, every picture he takes he has to alter. Otherwise people throw pitchforks at him and call him names. Mean names like Enforcerfin33 or Finsane.

Anyhoo, a big Huzzah to you In-Flames!

We are heading into the home stretch now folks. Only a few awards left. And these are the ones everyone have been waiting for. Those and a few surprise coming up…later. That’s right, Your MC is tired and needs his beauty sleep. We shall reconvene sometime on Friday to finish up the FIRST EVER PHINZEES AWARDS!

In the meantime, enjoy some entertainment from my own personal vault...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YtAq-UQ3rSM