When I first started dating my wife, I would have morning gas (still do), and instead of letting it rip because of the newness of the relationship, I'd spread my *** wayyyy open and let it seep out like a careless whisper. I stopped when I realized (she let me know) she heard it, and it made it worse because she was imagining me slowly crop dusting the entire room for my pelasure......so now I just escape the sheets for her benefit.
I was in one of those meetings where the boss was in the middle of a serious lecture where there was one of those intended pauses where you let whats said sink in and then think it over... Well, being on a hard plastic chair, I shifted and one of those quick, loud trumpeting farts came out of nowhere and just destroyed that moment of reflection. LOL...I think just about everyone was in tears laughing....Not the intended outcome of the speech by any means.....
My daughter loves the "pull my finger" bomb.....LOVES. IT. All I do is point at her and she starts laughing and comes running to pull it.... ugh too much pulling and my daughter in this post....I need a timeout...
Those are the best. Unexpected trumpet farts in a quiet room. Its always loud as hell and surprises you just as much as everyone else. Sent from my TB12-DSL using Tapatalk 2, one handed.
Ever fart very small in a very quiet room and because you are trying SO HARD to hold in laughter you end up pushing out more farts and laughing harder?!??! Its a vicious cycle of hilarity and smell.
This thread has delivered far beyond my imagination thought it would. Sent from my TB12-DSL using Tapatalk 2, one handed.
LOL!! They said the look on my face was just as funny. I was kinda scared the boss would be pissed, My first instinct was to act like I didnt do it , but my eyes were probably as big as saucers and,...well that sorta gave it away....
I have taught my son that the appropriate response to, "What do you say?", after popping out an ***-trumpet is "You're welcome..." Still cracks me up every time...
The ABSOLUTE BEST though---> when your wife or GF asks you to do something for her and you just happen to have a fart ready at that exact moment, so you lift your leg & give her the Popeye look as you let it out, as if that's your response. Then walk away. PISSES.THEM.OFF..... while simultaneously bringing joy to your day.
The careless whisper part killed me..I have been giggling like crazy since I started reading this thread...but that did it..totally lost it. EPIC....THREAD! Sent from my SPH-L710 using Tapatalk 2
You know its bad when wake up your dog, who proceeds to smell the air for a couple of seconds, looks at you and then walks out of the room.
How many of you have had to wait 5 minutes to wipe your *** after a fart to covertly prevent anyone from knowing you pooped yourself?
Farting in the shower is one of the most god awful things imaginable. It stays in a humid bubble like Glenda the good witch, and rises ever so slowly, marinating in itself, until it kersplodes in front of your nostrils by the raining water coming down on you.....then when it's the worst thing and you think it's over, it NEVER ****ING LEAVES....omg it smells like oven baked *** soaking in poo juices. Terrible.
High school. After gym. Everyone is playing that game, where you make a circle with your fingers and if you get someone to look at it you get to punch them in the arm. It was a game that had been going on for weeks. In the halls, after school...all the time everywhere...locker room no different. Russell. You know the guy that wasn't very smart, never meant anyone any harm but could be talked into doing just about anything...and you didn't even have to try really hard. Russell shove these balloons in your shirt and blow a kiss to the principal. Russell throw these eggs at that guys car. Russell is THAT guy. Russell also had been known to clear out a classroom with *** stank. More than one class was spontaneously held outside on the lawn thanks to Russell losing his internal battle with lunch napalm. Chris was a master of that game. He had gotten the best of Bill for like a week straight. Bill with arm bruised slightly less than his ego hatched a plan....if you can't beat 'em....change the game and nuke that mother effer. Bill convinced Russell to wait until Chris was bent down tying his shoes, to run by and fart in his face. Anyway, the locker room was getting pretty raucous. Lots of arm punching, taunting, locker shaking......general teenage boy stupidity. Very loud, like only locker rooms can be. Chris starts to tie his shoes, Russell sees his chance and runs, and in one move leaps into the air pulls down the back of his pants, just as Chris sits up.....and...and....and....its still tough to talk about.....see, Russell thought he had to fart....but....sigh.....a handful of **** sprays onto Chris' chest. Russell lands from his jump into a crouching position, still holding down the back of his pants, with a look of abject terror frozen on his face. He doesn't move. Chris, just sat there, brain clearly broken. He also doesn't move. The rest of us stopped dead in our tracks and silent. We didn't move either. Bill, grinning ear to ear, shaking his head up and down like a bobble head. After what felt like hours but was probably only a few moments, we all finished getting dressed and left the locker room, heads looking down, no one saying a word. Chris and Russell still in the same poses. No one spoke of it after that day. Except for Bill. He told everybody.
wholly crap, that was funny as hell, but definitely true. The simple one I use the most often is "free scoopies". when I fart, I quickly cup it and wave it to my wife and yell "free scoopies!". some reason, she doesn't seem to find it as funny as I do. The dogs seems to like my free scoopies, not sure why she doesn't
I have a friend who made his girlfriend pass out on the beach by farting in her face. She was a whore and wasn't well liked which made it like 10 times more awesome.
Rusell grew up to become the fine man championing the liberal agenda that we all know and love here on TP.
As a child I once ate a whole bag of tangerines, this batch was so tasty. Later that night watching tv with my dad a had my most impressive row of poop clouds of my life. It go so bad that my dad made me leave the room. I would stand right outside the door just blasting them off, 3-4 in a row sometimes. And these fart were powerful, my farts probably had more HP than my lawnmower at the time. To me as a kid this was the first time I felt I was able to truly harness power. I had put my arm out and hands against the wall so I wouldn't fall forward. Now this may only be my childhood imagination but I'm almost positive I put indentations in the drywall that night.
My uncle had burps that legends are made of. I remember when I was young that he once claimed he could make the walls shake with the sheer noise is belch could let out. I dont burp. The walls shake though out of fear.
