Dol-Fan Dupree's 2013 Miami Dolphins Manifesto

Welcome to everyone's favorite waste of time. I am wasting your time, I am wasting my time, I am wasting everyone's time. Yes, Dol-Fan Dupree's 2013 Manifesto. Something that has been going on for so long that the Manifesto has outlasted the joke. I think there might be three people who remember why I started this and those people will laugh when I say, Jamar Toombs. Much funnier than Juan Huron. Now it is time to read the yearly tradition that made Rob Konrad's father send me an insulting personal message, the 2013 Manifesto!

Quarterback: This is an interesting year for quarterback. I am very excited for the first time in a long time. That is too many uses of the word time. My writing coach is going to beat me again.

Ryan Tannehill – He is the reason to be excited. Was he perfect his rookie year? No, he wasn't. However if he didn't play in a year where 3 rookie quarterbacks had amazing years he would be the talk of the town. He has pretty good accuracy, makes pretty good decisions, runs the offense like a real quarterback and throws really well on the run. He had some passes that really excited me. Unfortunately he also had some passes that made me cringe. Which is usual for a rookie. I think he has showed more than Henne. Henne gave me hope, Tannehill gets me excited. I am hoping for a big step this season – KEEP (DUH)

Matt Moore – Am I the only person who thinks he looks like a vampire? I see him and I think he wants to kill me. I am not talking about those stupid sparkly vampires. Real old school murder young women type vampires. Like vampires are supposed to be. I think he made the team because Tannehill likes him and works well with him. Plus he is one of the better back up quarterbacks in the league. - KEEP

Pat Devlin – What difference a year makes. His rookie year he looked like he didn't belong in the league. Last season preseason he looked like a pretty decent back up. I think he has a great potential to become a preseason super star. He has all the tools. He might be the next Jon Kitna. I wonder if that was ever used as a positive before – KEEP

Runningback: This is by far the weakest position on the offense. Well by weakest I mean unknown. It could be the strongest. That is the nature of football. You don't know until the season begins. One reason why this is a HUGE waste of time. Only rookie OTAs happened and they are mostly a tryout.

Lamar Miller – Looking at youtube videos of him last season it makes you wonder why he didn't get the ball more. He has a lot of speed, good vision and has the ability to break tackles. He has all the makings of a superstar runningback. Unfortunately he blocked like a 5th year school teacher. If he has improved his pass blocking he will get more carries. - KEEP

Daniel Thomas – I am a bigger fan of Thomas than most people. I like the way he makes the first person miss in the open field. He has decent vision, and makes good cuts. However, last season there are three plays that stood out to me as plays that really made me mad. Sean Smith and Binns had the other plays. His play was a screen pass where he left at least 20 yards on the field and Bush or Miller would have gotten a touchdown. He totally pulled a Ronnie Brown and showed terrible open field awareness. He had two blockers on the outside and ran towards the middle. He is a decent pass blocker. Still, cutting him could save money – CUT

Marcus Thigpen – Is this guy actually a runningback? He seemed to play every position last year except running back. Marcus Thigpen is Ireland's first utility player success. Every year he brings in a smaller shifty player with hopes that he can make the team. Marcus Thigpen is the first and looked really good when he had the rock in his hand. I love his shiftiness and quickness. I do wonder if he is going to actually take a carry – KEEP

Jonas Gray – Last year he was stuck in a whale and unable to play the game. Luckily, umm, that is the end of the bible humor. All I know is that he was stuck in a whale and the name is even wrong. CKParrothead has a huge boner for this guy. CK doesn't get a boner for just any runningback. I trust CKParrothead's boner, wait, that didn't come out right. Wait, that is even worse. Whatever, I am not going to delete it, that is for *******. - KEEP

Mike Gillislee – A good utility runningback. He does everything good, but nothing awesome. I keep on reading how he doesn't have a 2nd gear, however one his highlight film he looks like he has a pretty decent 2nd gear. He isn't fast, however he does get faster. Unlike Ronnie Brown, who had a terrible 2nd gear. Wow, I am doing a lot of Ronnie Brown bashing. - KEEP

Cameron Marshall – I do think there is a chance he makes the team. If Youtube showed me anything it showed me that Arizona State has really nice uniforms. I always liked the Sun Devil's uniforms. What a cool mascot. Anyway, he has calves that make DJ blush. Good size, power and speed. If Gray isn't ready to step up and Marshall shows an ability to pass block, he has a chance – CUT

Jovorskie Lane – A teachers pet if you will. Started out the season excellent and then years of hamburgers took its toll and he started to slow down. I am wondering how well he is doing at staying in shape. I think that his biggest competition is from Clay. He isn't as good at running routes or catching, however he is a better blocker. However he is also better at eating hamburgers – CUT

Charles Clay – He is listed as a FB/TE on Miami Dolphins roster at Miamidolphins.com. So I will put him here. He is my pick to be the 2013 Reshad Jones. Just like Jones he was pretty disappointing, however showed flashes. This is his time to shine. He was a utility player in college and I think he has good potential. Plus when he scores I can say, “I will have 1 CC of touchdown!” - KEEP

Ina Liaina – There is an old saying, there is no I in team. There are a lot of I's in Ina Liaina. His name is way to selfish to make the team – CUT


Wide Receiver: Some excitement in wide receiver. Miami might actually have two 1,000 yard receiver. It is almost like the are ready to move into the current century.

Mike Wallace – He is fast. Very very fast. Really really, very very, fast. He is fast. He is a good enough receiver to use his speed. Will money make it so he doesn't work as hard at wide receiver? We will find out. However he has Ted Ginn speed with actual football ability. Chances of him making enough plays to justify his contract is pretty low. He would need a 1,500 yard season and 10 touchdowns. The only way that would happen is if he is traded to the Bears for two 3rd round picks. Still he should add something to the offense that hasn't been around since Ted Ginn. More speed than Miami has ever had. - KEEP

Brian Hartline – I like Hartline. He has proven to be a really good 4th round pick. He is the new whipping boy of the team. Which is interesting because he is a white wide receivers and people generally love white wide receivers. I guess being one of the hardest workings and almost dying last off season before being one of the few 1,000 yard receivers since Marino retired isn't enough for some people. What do I know, sometimes he falls down. - KEEP

Brandon Gibson – Davone Bess is a really good slot receiver. His ability to get third downs is really impressive. See what I did there? One thing I like about Brandon Gibson's signing is that I used to sign him in Madden 2009 because he was a cheap young free agent receiver. Now is a Dolphin. If only they can get Ladrious Webb. I like it when my Madden world combines with the real world. If only Miami can go 16-0 for 5 straight seasons. That one handed catch he had was awesome. On a side note, I learned on that day it is a bad idea to have 10 shots of rum in three hours. Who knew? - KEEP

Armon Binns – Remember that play where Tannehill threw an amazing back shoulder throw and Binns dropped it? I DO! - CUT

Rishard Matthews – Watching him play during preseason I decided that I like this player. He ran pretty good routes, he was open and then he fought for the end zone. I am excited for his development. - KEEP

Jeff Fuller – Poor guy. Well not really. Why should I feel bad for a guy who starts sucking. Concussion might be the reason. I don't know. I do remember there was once talk that he was going to be a top wide receiver and then he goes undrafted and now he is going to be cut – CUT

Terrell Sinkfield – This guy made the internets go crazy with his 4.19 forty that wasn't 4.19. It was more 4.3 or 4.4. He is really fast. Until you watch him on film. By film I mean Youtube. Never once did he look like a player who was MUCH faster than everyone on the field. It wasn't like watching Ted Ginn's college tape where there were times when you would say, “DAMN HE'S FAST!” Sinkfield is more along the line, “Yea, he is kind of fast.” - CUT

Brian Tyms – He is my pick for the Brian Manning award. The award for the receiver that looks great in practice but disappears once pads are put on. Good speed, quickness and size, however can he play football? Just in case you were wondering Chris '7-11' Hogan was the winner last year – CUT

Junior Collins – I can't tell what I like more about this kid. That the fact that his name is Junior or that his college was Mount Union. One of the fun of watching youtube clips is that it looks like he is playing highschool ball. In fact the all even have helmets that look a little too big. He never looked like he dominated and I expect that from small college players to make it to the NFL. And Jayson Foster taught me that doesn't mean much either – CUT

Taylor Stockemer – It would take effort to learn something about him. He does play for Arkansas State, which was my team last year in NCAA 2012. If that game was accurate then he is terrible. Everyone was terrible on that team in that game – CUT

Chad Bumphis – Part of me is disappointed because I would love to make a bumpis butt off the team joke. However I think there is a good chance he makes the team. I don't know why he wasn't drafted. He looks good, scored 12 touchdowns in the SEC. Runs good routes, catches the ball, loves running cornerbacks over, is quick. I think he has a real shot – KEEP


Tight End – OK, this is a position on the team. Hooray.

Dustin Keller – Why I don't hate him as much as I hated Thurman Thomas, there is still a little resentment as he spent a decent amount of years on the Jets and hurt the Dolphins many times. He didn't have a hall of fame career for the Jets while making a name as a Dolphin Killer like Thomas. Still it is going to take getting used to cheering for him. Jerk! - KEEP

Michale Egnew – Egnew taught me that you can diagnose a player by how he looks watching the game on the sideline. Who knew? All this time I thought you actually had to speak with a person. Psychologists are going to go out of business. Just take people, put them on the sideline and make their diagnosis. It is that easy! - KEEP

Dion Sims – I like players who believe they are the best and are willing to work hard to back it up. Dion Sims has half of the equation. The best blocking tight end in the draft and was a pretty decent pass catcher. I will be interested to see if playing 20 to 30 pounds lighter will make him look more athletic – KEEP

Kyle Miller – Who? I forgot who this guy was. I wonder what I wrote about him last season. I guess he wasn't on the team when I wrote it last year. Is he really on the team? Am I going nuts? What is going on here? Who are you? What did you do with the microfilm! - CUT


Offensive linemen: This where the casual fans fall asleep.

Mike Pouncey – Had a great season last year. He could have made the probowl and no one would have complained other than the guy who he replaced. Great power, and footspeed. Everything you want in an offensive linemen. I hope he is a Dolphin for a long time. However that hasn't been working out like I have wanted too. Good thing I didn't spend extra for a custom Long jersey. - KEEP

Sam Brenner – What is the deal with Utah? I mean seriously. People make fun of Ireland's Dallas connections, however why Utah? So many players from this state. I am sick of Utah. - CUT

Richie Incognito – IMO this is the last year for him as a Dolphin. Which makes me sad because I won't be able to make my, “Homer, who is Homer, I am Guy Incognito,” joke to myself. I would laugh and laugh inside. He he, Simpsons. Too much of a lose cannon. Philbin likes his cannons tight. - KEEP

John Jerry – He was 340 pounds. He looked really good. Philbin actually got through to him. Shut me up. Sparano sucks. There I said it. If John Jerry works out, then that is the best thing to happen for Miami. The weirdest thing to me about Jerry is that he is a pretty good pass blocker and a pretty bad run blocker. I would think it was the other way around. He has a chance for the Reshad Jones award. - KEEP

Lance Louis – Lance Louis has a name that would make Stan Lee blush. I wonder what his super power would be? The Lancer! Would he be a good guy or a bad guy? Lancer doesn't sound like a good guy. If he comes back from his injury he will provide good depth. Plus he is good John Jerry McDonald insurance. - KEEP

Josh Samuda – He is a guard? I thought he was a center. I like his name. Samuda. If he gained strength, I think he will be a good asset – KEEP

Nate Garner – Last season Nate Garner did his best impression as a revolving door. The only player to play worse at left tackle than Jon Martin. A back up who is terrible right off of the bench. For the love of God himself – CUT

Dallas Thomas – Good name. It is like this guy was born to be a lineman. - KEEP

Chandler Burden – It is a burden to write out this sentence about Chandler Burden – CUT

Chris Barker – Funny pun about the name Barker - CUT

Jonathan Martin – Lets hope his season of pulling trucks will allow him to block defensive linemen. There is a lot to like about him, however his strength was not one of them. He has some good experience. The thing that gives me faith about him is that he is a football player. He has the desire to be great. Lets hope it is backed up – KEEP

Tyson Clabo – I know I am slipping as a football fan when this is the first year that I have heard of this guy. I used to know every player on every team. Now I am not a child and I have responsibilities. Stupid growing up. - KEEP

Andrew McDonald – He looked like he was living up to his last name in pictures. - CUT

Will Yeatman – They have been spending two years to create him as a tackle. IMO if that is successful there is no way Garner makes the team. I believe in Philbin. - KEEP

Patrick Ward – The thing I like about this kid is nothing because I know nothing about him. I do know his first name is Patrick and his last name is Ward. I once knew a Ward and he was addicted to Oxycontin – CUT

Jeff Adams – I think this guy needs some tall tales about him. Like the time he ate 200 pancakes after getting cut. - CUT

Defensive Line: Last season this was a strength for the Dolphins. Now it looks to be even stronger. Holy hand grenades!

Dion Jordan - I know I was like a lot of people feeling sad that Miami was going to trade up for Lane Johnson and then his name was called. I was so shocked. I didn't know what to feel. The part of me that likes to know what my team was going to do was hurt. The part of me that wanted Dion Jordan more than any player in the draft was super freaking happy. He looks like he can be another Jason Taylor. Great quickness, footspeed, good strength, good speed, freakish size. Plus he is a football player. He wants to be the best. If he can provide a little pass rush or if he can get off the block after Wake flushes out the quarterback, Miami is going to have more sacks this year. Everyone likes sacks – KEEP

Cameron Wake – Wake is an amazing player. If they called holding on him at least 50% of the times he is held then he would have 100 holding calls. A great all around player. Wouldn't surprise me if he is in the running for defensive player of the year. He is awesome! - KEEP

Olivier Vernon – A very talented player who had terrible coaching in college. Last season he flashed some talent. If he continues to improve he will make for a good rotation – KEEP

Derrick Shelby – A player who doesn't look like he is good, however he gets to the quarterback. How? Magic. He isn't explosive, he isn't quick, he has OK size at best, however he gets to the quarterback. You don't give that up yet – KEEP

Tristan Okpapugo – He is battling Emeka for the longest last name. Unfortunate for him that he loses by one letter. Poor guy – CUT

Emeka Onyenekwu – Way to go man. Totally have a longer name than Tristan. All that hard work has finally paid off – CUT

Jared Odrick – I almost forgot him. Good at stopping the run. Good at pass rushing inside. I am curious to where he is going to play. I would rather have him at DT on the inside. - KEEP

Randy Starks – He is like the Iron Man of the Dolphins. And that is only because his last name is Starks. He is the franchise player. I hope they sign him to long term deal that is a pretty good deal. This season should be a wake up call. There is NO WAY he would be making 9 million on the open market. Still good against the run, pretty good pass rusher – KEEP

Paul Soliai – A good player to use as an example to preach patience. Started out fat and lazy and then turned into fat and awesome! A really good player who is more athletic than given credit for. I hope Miami can sign him too. - KEEP

Kheeston Randall – An interesting player. I thought he looked good last season and then was benched for over half of the season. Maybe they wanted to get their money off of Tony McDaniel, who didn't have a good year. Oh well, those are the berries – KEEP

Chas Alecxih – I liked him on Hard Knocks. He looked like he was a player who could make it in the NFL – KEEP

Chris Burnette – Ever wonder why the guy from the Pina Colada song didn't know his wife enjoyed Pina Colada's? Honestly that is one terrible marriage if you don't know that your wife enjoys being caught in the rain and making love after midnight, which doesn't even seem that late. Especially on a Saturday. Well live and learn – CUT

Vaughn Martin – This guy is from Canada! Crazy. They put gravy on their fries. Who would put gravy on fried potatoes. That doesn't make sense – KEEP

A.J. Francis – Last time Miami had an A.J. whose last name started with an F, everyone knows how that turned out. We don't want to bring those days back again – CUT

Linebacker: There is now more line in the backer this year. Speed, speed, and more speed.

Danell Ellerbe – I was surprised when I learned Miami signed him. Learned from the best. I am interested to see how well he will do. A little bit of an injury history however that has never hurt Ireland in the past, GROVE, cough, cough. Sorry, had something in my throat. Still a good player who I wish for the best. - KEEP

Philip Wheeler – Ireland showed his amazing GM skills by signing a guy for over five million a year who he could have signed for less than a million the year before. If only Ireland could see into the future. That would really improve his GMing ability. He played well for the Raiders. That isn't a sentence I get to type often. He also showed intelligence by getting away from there as fast as he can. Kind of used them like the old Montreal Expos. Remember them? - KEEP

Koa Misi – Since Dion Jordan is going to be a defensive end he will probably start. Hopefully he will improve – KEEP

Austin Spitler – Thank you for your years of service. You are a much better linebacker than AJ Edds has ever been. Good work. Way to prove everyone wrong. You should have been kept and he should have been cut. Now it is time for you to make less than one million dollars – CUT

Jelani Jenkins – He has a chance to take over for Koa Misi. One of those players who fall due to injury. Really put a hitting on the runningbacks. - KEEP

Josh Kaddu – Philbin likes him. The only thing I remember about him is wondering why he was in the game when he missed a sack against Jake Locker. Why was he in the game? - KEEP

Michael Clay – I like watching him on Youtube. Like a hot knife through butter. He is going to take a certain man's job away. Well Spitler. I did already cut him. - KEEP

Alonzo Highsmith – At this point you might be wondering if I think Miami should play a 3-4. Since they have so many linebackers who seem decent. There is a selfish reason I want this guy to make the team. Because I watched his father play when I was young. That is so cool. Not as cool as having Marino's kid. I can't believe he went into acting. He has rocket arm genes! - KEEP

David Hinds – I hope the door doesn't hit him on the behinds when he is cut – CUT

Lee Robinson – Wins the award for the most generic name on the team. Plus two last names. Where does he get off! - CUT

Jonathan Freeny - A cousin of Dwight Freeny. Not a 10th as good as Dwight Freeny. Dwight wouldn't even shake his hand at midfield. Poor guy. At least he made hundreds of thousands of dollars while playing football. That is more than I have made playing football. - CUT

Jason Trusnik – Was signed to be a special teams specialist. I was disappointed in his special teams play. I was more impressed with his back up linebacker ability. Still he makes too much money and isn't that good at special teams. Even though that is what he was signed to do. That is like getting a job as the world champion of knot tying and being better at climbing rope. I don't get it either. - CUT

Secondary: Will they live up to that name. We will find out! Same secondary channel, same secondary time!

Brent Grimes - This guy is a Simpsons joke waiting to happen. A good player who Lane totally ran over. That was a great play. I wonder if they are going to show it during the film session. I would. Remember this Grimes? Huh? When Lane totally ran you over? REMEMBER! One of the many reasons I am not a NFL coach. Of course the main one is that I never tried – KEEP

Nolan Carroll – I think he is a better player than most people give him credit for. However he is terrible at creating interceptions. - CUT

Will Davis – Alright, I am going to try to say this as least gay as possible. Davis has great ball skills. He just finds the way to get his hands on the ball. If there is a ball, then his hands will be all over it. Especially in the end zone. No one is getting in his end zone because he will have his hands on the ball. A player with great quickness and good nose for the ball. Obviously brought in to help Miami's End zone woes. - KEEP

Jamar Taylor – Looks like a good player. I know little about him. I do know he plays one of the worst turf I have ever seen. It is like a 3rd world country! All blue and shiny. As long as his kidney's work he should be a good player for the phins – KEEP

Dimitri Patterson – A player who can be cut at any time. I think he will be cut, TAKE A PAYCUT I mean. Ha ha, I am so funny when I am making terrible jokes – KEEP

Richard Marshall – He can play safety. He can play corner. According to some he is better at safety and not very good at corner. That is good versatility. - KEEP

Julian Posey – Am I the only person who laughs when I read that “Miami has some good young players in the secondary, like Julian Posey and blah blah blah.” - CUT

R.J. Stanford – Blah blah blah – CUT

De'Andre Presley – His name is so cool that he is going to be cut. But at least he will have a cool name. Totally has a future in the cool name games – CUT

Don Jones – Great speed, looks good. Probably will look good on practice squad. Stupid Arkansas State. What is the deal? I mean seriously! - CUT

Chris Clemons – A player who gets a lot of slack even though he plays pretty decent. Terrible at intercepting the ball but not too bad at forcing fumbles. - KEEP

Reshad Jones – WOW, what a great player last season. Was one of the best unknown players of last season. If Miami becomes a playoff team more people will know who he is. Hopefully he can keep it up. - KEEP

Kelcie McCray – I liked his youtube video last season. He spent an entire year as a redshirt. I think he is going ot take Chris's job. - KEEP

Jordan Kovacs – I think his last name sounds like a alien on Mass Effect. He is a Ross pet project. He will be a good story if Miami does Hard Knocks again. He will also be the player everyone says will haunt Miami when he is cut. Like so many players haven't in the past. - CUT

Jimmy Wilson – A great story. Unfortunately not a great football player. Showed good promise as a rookie, and didn't really improve his second year. He might Reshad Jones it, however right now, I am thinking that he is no longer going to be a Dolphin. Which is too bad because I love a good story. However all good things come to an end. TNG taught me that. - CUT

Special Teams: I am about to fall asleep talking about this.

Caleb Sturgis – I am going to buy a bigger TV and then hold a press conference that my smaller TV is going to have a fair battle with my bigger TV for the TV that I am going to keep. It is going to be a fair battle. Just like my bigger TV as long as Caleb Sturgis turns on and has no broken pixels, he is going to make the team – KEEP

Dan Carpenter – If I had a sandwich for every time this guy got cut, I would have had a Meatball Marinara for lunch today. That is Subway for all your sandwich needs! - CUT

Brandon Fields – Has a chance to win survivor this year. Which is sad. So, so sad. So so so so so so so so so sad. More sad than spoiling everyone about Game of Thrones. Did you know that Tyrion dies? Just kidding. Or am I? I am, of course. - KEEP

Patrick Scales/John Denny – I am combining this into two because there is FREAKING way I am talking about TWO long snappers. I mean WTF!?!??! Really? I do feel a little bit of kinship with Long snappers. I am a software tester and the only time I am noticed is if I really mess up. Just like a long snapper. I do believe if Scales shows he can long snap he makes it instead of Denny. Denny is actually a pretty good tackler. Well one of them will make the team. I don't care. It is the long snapper. - KEEP

There wasted your time once again. You are welcome!

 

What else are you going to do until June? Work? I think not!

 

Honestly I think Miami wouldn't have had to trade down if they didn't have Wake. He is a monster!

 

I mean that Wake is so good that our defense wouldn't be nearly as effective without him.

 

yes, that play