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Question For Married Guys

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by Bpk, Dec 17, 2012.

  1. Bpk

    Bpk Premium Member Luxury Box

    Do you ever notice that your wife tends to become very contrary with you right when you feel strongly opinionated about something? The phrase 'pouring gasoline on a brush fire' comes to mind.

    Is it just me? It seems that when I feel very emotional about an issue and have a strong feeling about it, my wife will argue, invalidate and otherwise antagonize me, which she normally doesn't do at all.

    I ask because today we saw Lincoln, and then rented The Pianist. By the end, I was upset and indignant that people could so unjustly treat other humans so badly. She immediately went to work on saying I was being too angry and emotional, and should not be so upset, and etc etc.

    True or not, I wonder sometimes why someone would argue with a person they are openly acknowledging is worked up over something. Doesn't that seem counter productive?

    Does anyone else have this happen, where a wife or girlfriend seems to poke them with a stick right when it's the worst timing to do so?
     
  2. Ohio Fanatic

    Ohio Fanatic Twuaddle or bust Club Member

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    IMO, one of the roles of a wife or husband in a marriage is to counterbalance. Whenever one of us gets to upset with the children, we have an understanding that the other one will step in and push back to calm things down. getting emotionally riled up over a movie seems normal, getting riled up enough that you're arguing with your wife seems a bit extreme, which probably means she's right - you are being too angry and emotional over a movie.
     
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  3. Bpk

    Bpk Premium Member Luxury Box

    True. Which is why I wonder why she wouldn't counterbalance with calm instead of an emotionally charged reaction of her own arguing against how I feel at the time.

    You're right, and that's why I've learned timing is important. If something pushes her buttons and upsets her, now is not the time to push her to feel differently than she feels. That comes after she's worked through her reaction and back to the other side and is calm again.

    The problem begins when one of us is bothered by something and the other attacks the reaction, making them "wrong" for having it before they've even gotten to fully express it. That just leads to a you versus me mentality, which is not constructive at all.

    What ended up helping was her finally saying she herself didn't want to hear about how upset it makes me to see injustice. Rather than invalidate or dampen my right to feel what I get, it's better to just acknowledge that she herself didn't want to be exposed to how much it affected me. I can respect that (though it sucks to feel unheard and unsupported).

    When we keep it in the "I need.." And not "You shouldn't..." it's a much healthier communication.

    And it let me go away and examine why injustice and mankind doing evil to one another upsets me so much. Which I did go and journal about an process.

    We also realized she was in her own reaction to the movies. While seeing the blacks mistreated in Lincoln and the Jews mistreated in The Pianist back-to-back made me indignant, if made her very very sad.

    We both agreed its hard for two very feeling people to process two heavy movies like that in a row. Glad we didn't add Schindler's list after that.
     
  4. Do you know what you tell a woman with two black eyes?

    Nothing, she was already told twice
     
  5. SICK

    SICK Lounge Moderator

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    TIL: Ohio Fanatic is BPKs wife.
     
  6. Paul 13

    Paul 13 Chaotic Neutral & Unstable Genius Staff Member

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    I knew my wife would be trouble... yet I still married her... so that's on me. We've known each other long enough prior to marriage... dated for a long time. One trip to Disneyland with friends, we're in the parking lot and I'm driving impatient and too fast (I know what I'm doing, I'm showing off, but that's me)... she tells me to slow down (rightfully)... yet 4 hours later, that night when the car won't start she says it's because I was driving like an *******. Lets see.. I'm already pissed off about the car unable to start yet now she reminds me that I was driving like a jerk. Yeah, not good timing on that... She almost walked home.
     
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  7. Ohio Fanatic

    Ohio Fanatic Twuaddle or bust Club Member

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    pffftt,...he wishes. I'm too expensive for him
     
  8. muscle979

    muscle979 Season Ticket Holder

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    Yes, wives have a subconscious desire to ruin your life, if that's what you're asking.
     
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  9. ToddPhin

    ToddPhin Premium Member Luxury Box Club Member

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    I think that's b/c women enjoy having the shoe on the other foot for a change to where they get to actually tell us to take it easy, stop overreacting, etc. lol.
    My ex went through a little F-bomb potty mouth stage that'd I'd call her out on b/c it was unbecoming. A few days later I'm reaching for my drink but accidentally knock it onto the floor, so I abruptly semi shout "mother-****er". So she mockingly badgers in, "why you gotta curse like that. You've been telling me I've been doing it too much so what gives you the right." What I did and what I wanted to do were 2 different things. I wanted to do was tell her to STFU, but what I wisely did was walk out the room and watch TV elsewhere. lol.
     
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  10. ToddPhin

    ToddPhin Premium Member Luxury Box Club Member

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    I think that's b/c women enjoy having the shoe on the other foot for a change to where they get to actually tell us to take it easy, stop overreacting, etc. lol.
    My ex went through a little F-bomb potty mouth stage that'd I'd call her out on b/c it was unbecoming. A few days later I'm reaching for my drink but accidentally knock it onto the floor, so I abruptly semi shout "mother-****er". So she mockingly badgers in, "why you gotta curse like that. You've been telling me I've been doing it too much so what gives you the right."

    What I proceeded to do and what I wanted to do were 2 different things. What I wanted was to tell her to STFU, but what I wisely did was walk out the room and watch TV elsewhere. lol.
     
  11. MikeHoncho

    MikeHoncho -=| Censored |=-

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    [​IMG]
     
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  12. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh

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    And she was probably pissed off that you were driving like an ***, risking your lives and embarrassing her in front your friends....then the car breaks down. It seems like you believe you're the only that has right to be pissed off.
     
  13. GridIronKing34

    GridIronKing34 Silently Judging You

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    Sometimes I wonder if you're married to most of this forum. :tongue2:
     
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  14. Laces Out

    Laces Out Well-Known Member

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    So glad my wife is even more rational than me!
     
  15. Paul 13

    Paul 13 Chaotic Neutral & Unstable Genius Staff Member

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    Should have opened the door while I was driving if you catch my DRIFT... :shifty:
     
  16. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh

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    Honest question....do you ever feel like you burdened her as much as she burdened you?
     
  17. RGF

    RGF THE FINSTER Club Member

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    This is fairly simple, your wife felt somewhat jealous and took it personal that you`re able to show emotion to a topic she feels is meaningless.She much rather you showed those emotions towards her and her feelings. Therefore, she belittled you in a way only women know how to. Next question.
     
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  18. Conuficus

    Conuficus Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Well away from here
    Well, first off if you're expecting your wife to erect a statue in your honor, then you may was well start walking to the moon.

    After just responding to that little snafu....with regards to women, you need to walk the walk. If you say something is off limits, then don't go there yourself as best you can; cause they'll never let you forget what you said. Women communicate through arguments anyways. That's what they do.

    Also best way to get her off your ***. Just say "Listen I know you were upset about what I did earlier, I understand, I'm sorry. But this may not be the best time to deal with that,.....I need your help right now. Can you do this for me"...........(insert whatever small task you need done) and then thank the hell out of her, and say "what would I do without you."

    You're good.

    But, you're going to get into it with your wife, just know what battles to fight, and when to just save it and say, "you're right". Saying that sometimes, is soooo much easier than getting into it over something small. **** happens, but just move on quickly, provided its something small. Its the best thing IMO.
     
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  19. ToddPhin

    ToddPhin Premium Member Luxury Box Club Member

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    Now that Washington passed same sex marriage we know who's nexxxxt to tie the knot. [​IMG]
     
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  20. ToddPhin

    ToddPhin Premium Member Luxury Box Club Member

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    Soon enough that you could probably start getting fitted for your dress.
     
  21. Conuficus

    Conuficus Premium Member Luxury Box

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    Well away from here
    First time in man history that there's a fight TO BE *****. :shifty:
     
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  22. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh

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    FTr, if its Lucky then I have to be invited....we're a package deal.
     
  23. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    wait, you mean you just now figured out your wife is a woman?
     
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  24. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    and for the record I can't wear dresses, they make me look too hippy.
     
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  25. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh

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    Its not dresses, its because you're almost wider than tall. You basically look like a keg.
     
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  26. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    you mean stalky? That's why you fell for me isn't it? Because you were tall and chubby and I was small and in shape? It's some sort of disney fantasy come true for you. Like monsters inc if the eyeball was doing the fuzzy blue dude?
     
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  27. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh

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    Yes. You were in shape. The shape of a keg.

    A sexy keg though.
     
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  28. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    you had no problem rolling me into bed stoopid.
     
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  29. ToddPhin

    ToddPhin Premium Member Luxury Box Club Member

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    You tapped it right?
     
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  30. Bpk

    Bpk Premium Member Luxury Box

    You're worth the lobster, baby.
     
  31. Bpk

    Bpk Premium Member Luxury Box

    I know I do. She puts up with a lot of my moodiness, though it's improved a lot.
     
  32. Bpk

    Bpk Premium Member Luxury Box

    This deserves to be the last post.... Nice pun.
     
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  33. Paul 13

    Paul 13 Chaotic Neutral & Unstable Genius Staff Member

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    in general or just at that moment?
     
  34. Pandarilla

    Pandarilla Purist Emeritus

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    [​IMG]


    "A husband is what's left of a sweetheart, once the nerve has been cut..." - Lou Costello
     
  35. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh

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    Both.
     
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  36. Rocky Raccoon

    Rocky Raccoon Greasepaint Ghost Staff Member

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    Well this thread took a strange turn.
     
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  37. Boik14

    Boik14 Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    Some of you need to spend more time in the ladies lounge. :tongue2:
     
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  38. ToddPhin

    ToddPhin Premium Member Luxury Box Club Member

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    Oh stop it. Fin D need not see any more examples of ways to sexily alter his friday night wardrobe.
     
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  39. Boik14

    Boik14 Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    LOL, were you modeling for him again? Damn, Lucky is gonna be upset!
     
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  40. ToddPhin

    ToddPhin Premium Member Luxury Box Club Member

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    :lol:
    I've actually turned him into a big Hello Kitty fan.





    [​IMG]
     

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