I just learned recently of something my son has kept from me for the last 3 months. He is a member of his High School baseball team (plays shortstop). He has a former team mate that has been hiding a terrible secret, and it has turned the baseball team & school on its ear. This friend of my son was cut from the HS JV team last February. It was then that they all started a deception that has now come to the front and center. The young man in question is the son of a former minor league staffer (never played MLB just a year as far as AAA & 5 or 6 years in AA). He is a good kid, and he's always been welcome in our home. But in his father's eyes he was always a loser since he is not a very good athlete. His father told him many times, several times in front of me and other parents when the kids were little leaguers that his son, "had better be a great baseball player or he would beat it into him". His son would try and try, and try some more, but dudes, this kid was just not an athlete. He tried out for the high school JV and the coach cut him, even though he knew the kid was in physical danger if he cut him. Well after the season was over, and the playoffs were in full swing, the father of the kid finally had a chance to go to one of the playoff games. Of course he found out then that his kid had been cut from the team. My son, and several other of the kids hid the kid for several days from his dad, and also from us. Law enforcement was eventually involved. My question and problem is, do I discipline my son ? And what do I do ? I am proud of him saving this kid from harm (and consequently the kid was returned to the father and yes he was arrest later that day for beating the kid up), but I also need to make sure my son has respect for the law and his elders too, and needs to learn to tell the truth and be truthful at all times. Just asking what you guys would do. I am so vexed by this problem.
Your son's heart was in the right place. He did what I or the majority of us would have done. Explain to him how what he did fits in the big picture; that's something that I always find lacking in dealings with kids - it is never explained to them how and why their actions are wrong, or just improper. Discuss it with him; let him talk it out...he probably has a lot to say that he hasn't been able to express except viscerally. That's just my opinion, brother.
as a father (my son is a toddler however) i say there is no way in hell you discipline him. maybe have a talk with him let him know he can come to you with stuff like that, or with anything. but as someone who was just in highschool a few years ago....if i did something like that which imo is noble....and i was punished for it....id say as a kid "whats the point" damned if you do damned if you dont. just my opinion, but i dont see where he should be disciplined at all.
Wow whats with all the douchey parents out there? Thats pretty bad trying to live through your children for your own failures.
In my opinion, you should not discipline him at all. Although he may not have handled the situation perfectly, you should still be somewhat proud of how he did handle it. He was sticking up for his friend, something that in my opinion he needed to do. However, you should tell him that although he didn't necessarily do something wrong, he should have come to you with it and that he can trust you to react properly, without fear of discipline breaking the communication line in the future. It's very important to have a conversation with him to learn about how he felt about the situation. If you talk to him about that with a very open-mind, and not a negative attitude, it will help build that trust while still reinforcing better decision-making in the future.
I sincerely think you won't find better advice than Nabo's, Jake. Not every time a child does something wrong, means punishment is in order. Sometimes they do something wrong for all the right reasons, and real, meaningful discussion instead of discipline, is all that is needed.
I am not a parent, but I love kids and have dealt with kids that I have treated as my own. I wouldn't discipline your son at all. His heart is at the right place. He tried to save his kid from abuse. He may have tried to do it a different way (e.g. tell you, and then call the authorities), but that is besides the point. The ONLY people that should be disciplined are the parents of the friend. How can anyone beat a kid is beyond me... not to mention their OWN kid. The ****er is so spineless that he can't pick on someone his own size? I would take a sledgehammer and beat it out of HIM. Someone should take a machete and slice his balls off so he never has kids again. There is NO excuse to beat on a kid like that. Child abuse is IN-EX-CUSIBLE. Period.
applaud your son for knowing right from wrong regardless of what "the letter of the law" says. its not like he was aiding a criminal. he was helping a friend avoid abuse that eventually did happen. its not like the kid was lying about getting his *** whooped. im sure the police did not want to turn the kid over to parents they believe will abuse him. but the law says they have to. maybe now that they recently beat the kid, assuming its on record, they can get him out of there. but that doesnt help in the few incidents where some one would not survive that return home.
IMO the ability to know right from wrong is way more valuable than having respect for any law or elders. Too many laws are unjust and to many elders don't deserve any more respect than anybody else who's doing something wrong. I'd want to to talk it out with him just so I understand how he thought it through, but discipline wouldn't be a consideration for me.
Thanks guys for your perspective. I have spoken to my son, and I think he understands that this was a special circumstance. I feel so much for that kid, he has a broken orb (something to do with the eye socket) a fractured arm and ribs. The father was arrained a couple of weeks ago and I don't think the local police and DA will prosecute the kids for what they did because of the circumstances. They tried their best to keep the kid from that monster. Why do some parents try to live through their kids ? Just accept your own failures in life and move on. EDIT : I meant to say WILL NOT prosecute.
Its tough being a parent, as you will find out. The older they get, the tougher the problems. But I have always been open for my son (and daughter) to bring me things, but I think it may have been the old "jocks code of silence" because all the kids involved were kids on the baseball & football team that he had played with. Most of the kids have known each other for about 8 or 9 years, since they played on little leagues together. Two of the kids even go to the rival school, but even they felt it was more important to try to keep him safe. The father has beaten his kids and wife for years but they refused to say anything and always give excuses as they fell down some stairs, or were "playing to rough with their brothers & sisters" (there are 1 son and 3 daughters in that family). The father is being investigated for sexual abuse to his daughters too. Its just a sad, sad family situation that I felt would end tragically years ago, but was powerless to say or do anything about it.
Im not a parent but putting myself in your shoes, discipline would not be an option. As Nabo, Raffy and other mentioned your son stuck up for his friend and did the right thing. My guess is that your son wanted to be honest and probably wasnt sure how you would react to such a circumstance... The kids father needs some time with Bubba as his cellmate so he can see what its like to be slapped around by someone bigger.
Oh he's going to have many years with Bubba. I think it could be upwards of 5 years from what I have heard, maybe as much as 10 years. By then hopefully his son will have children of his own to love.
You handled it well bro. You let him know he has to be very careful under what circumstances he, and his friends, are to break the law/go against the establishment, but you also let him know it is the right thing to do sometimes. FYI I don't know how you restrained yourself from trying to beat the **** out of the father, I know it would have crossed my mind after he beat that boy.
this can be a great tool for better bondment between you and your sons communication.while breaking the law it was still something your son felt passionate about.the breaking the law part could have possibly been avoided had your son felt he was able to tell you about it and you would back him(which obviously in this case you would have).let your son know your proud of him for standing up for his friend and that you are there if he ever wants to run something by you before making his decisions in life.kids just want us to listen.
