So for a long time I have been a part of this website and I have read countless times where people just spill their guts about everything. If you want to provide insight, joke around, poke fun at me, or just comment on something completely out there please be my guest. I just want to write all my thoughts down and provide them for someone to read because A.) its very teraputic and B.) My Mom is sleeping (and not sure I can really talk to her about all this) haha... I have a pretty good relationship with her for someone that is 22. Well here.... we... go!! (Batman reference) I have been talking to this girl, Diana for a while a little over three months. We fooled around a bit despite the fact she had a boyfriend. Yeah, I felt like a douche, but the guy was cheating on her too; and lets be honest no guy would turn down certain things (btw she was very good at these "certain things" haha... Well we text eachother like every single day like best friends, we always hang out, even over break when we both went back home we would text eachother and talk. Well we just got back to school last week and at first it was a little weird hanging out with her again just cuz i hadn't seen her in a while, but now we are back to where we were. I made the decision a while ago that I wouldn't date this girl because she cheated on her bf and her basic outlook is that everyone would cheat given the right situation; which I couldn't date someone with that mentality. Also she partakes in some light recreational drug use (weed, can i say that here?), but I am not into that and I just feel like that part of her and me don't get along. Its not that I disapprove of weed, I just choose not to partake (btw even as a non-smoker it seriously needs to be legalized). On the other hand she is seriously one of the coolest girls I have ever meet, we vibe so well together and I havent felt like that with anyone before. Like I said, I made the decision I wouldnt date her because I feel like she has like two personalities one is amazing and the other I just dont connect with and lastly I would be devasated if a girl cheated on me. Well she was hitting a rough patch with her boyfriend and I wanted to give her real advice, but I didn't want her to think I was trying to get with her so we basically had a talk were I told her I didn't want to date her. She actually agreed with me and said she couldn't see her dating me, but we both agreed that we cared a great deal for eachother.Three days ago her and her boyfriend broke up. Tonight Her and two of her girlfriends and I went out to a bar just to dance and drink and have a good time. I had a great time, but I kind of realized I would get jealous when she would talk to another guy or dance with another guy... Her friends told me to pull her away from the guys she was dancing with and I did a few times, but I felt like a douche I'm not her Boyfriend or anything so i felt like a dick doing it. Then throughout the night I had to help her and her friends fend off guys they didn't want to talk to, but me and Diana danced a lot and made out some on the dance floor. Then when they were driving me home we made out again. Overall it was a decent night, but I feel like some rough waters are ahead for me. I kind of feel like I am Forrest Gump and she is Jenny (which just blows...). I feel like I am getting too close to her and while I like her as a friend and like hooking up with her, but its like I am afraid I'm developing feelings for her which is not good at all. I know if I get feelings for her something is going to happen and I am going to get hurt. Am I a b*tch? Maybe... but I just don't want to get involved with all of this and I kind of feel like its too late. Oh two other nightcaps on the night were I almost got in a fight verse three guys because one of them was trying to hit on her friend and I basically made fun of him, by waving good-bye telling him to go away. Also I got hit on by a gay guy, I think... Does that mean my dancing skills or good? God I hope I didn't/don't give off gay vibes... even though it was me and like 3 girls dancing and having a good time together. On top of this I have situations with like 2 other girls... which I might explain later... I feel a little better now after writing this, but the more I live life, the more I long for my childhood innocence and overall carefree attitude. If 22 feels like this how am I going to feel next year or when I'm 30, etc. Don't get me wrong I'm not depressed, I just miss being a child and not having to deal with all this stuff.... I just don't know what to do...
My opinion of 3 girls bringing you along is basically to use you as a shield from unwarranted guys. Also you might be getting the gay vibe because your out with 3 women thats not a bad thing but it could send that vibe. What you should do for in the future is kinda do your own thing at a bar/club if you go in that type of group. It sounds you have feelings for the girl I find it odd that she breaks up with her BF after a few days after talking to you weird timing. IF she wants to pursue the relationship go for it.
We originally went to the club with some friends of mine (two roommates and some buddies I knew at the place), but they all went home for various reasons. I mean they could have just used me as a shield, but I think they just wanted to go out and have fun which is what we did. I actually kind of enjoyed dancing with them for most of the night... And yeah I guess I could see the whole gay thing, it just creeped me out. The guy literately walked past me, pinched my should and then kept walking and looked back at me... The first time I thought it was a friend, but when he did it later on in the night I was like what the hell?!!? Yeah normally, I would have chilled a little more with my friends in that setting, but they all dipped out because of various reasons, or they were like dancing with girls, etc... The timing was kind of strange, but basically she got proof that her boyfriend was cheating on her and then ended it. The more I think about it I do have feelings for her and it pains me, because I know I could never date her; or if I did I just would screw myself up in the end. I'd constantly be afraid that she would cheat on me, or what shes doing, etc. This may sound odd but shes kind of like a free bird, you can't really hold her too tight or your crush who she is as a person, but too loose and she'd fly away... One of my friends was in a similar situation recently and the girl just broke his heart, it seriously messed him up. He was one of my friends that went to the bar with us, but he saw the girl that broke his heart and had to leave... I just feel like I am setting myself up to be like him and I don't want too and at the same time I don't want to lose what I have with her. Its the ulimate catch-22.
Sounds like this girl isn't ready for a real relationship the way you are. You have feelings for her and despite your intention not to date her, you'll develop stronger feelings for her [hope?] if you continue hanging out and hooking up. And she will likely break your heart in the end. Or you'll get to a point where you can't deal with her other side and walk away bruised. I doubt you can pull yourself away now. It's the ultimate tease. I was in a situation like this when I was your age.
very good post. specially the part in bold. Im 23, almost exact same age. well i had this theory that I would not date for a while because, well it was to much hassle and just to much damn fun being single. well i had a similar situation, i meet a girl, started talking to her, i was out every night, she was out every night. so naturally we started to hang out with each other. we would talk a lot. texting, calling, etc. girl was cool as hell. and fine. my first instinct is i want to have sex with her, which i did. We were like best friends for a while. Long story short, i developed strong feelings for her, while she fended hers off and said she just wanted to be friends(which she later admits that she felt the same way). Now she had a couple things about her that i didnt like, a couple character traits, a couple things she liked to do, like go out, every.single.night. it didnt matter to me though, i had never meet anyone in my life that i feel like that with, have that much fun with, and connect so well with. so long story short we are dating and its going awesome. i mean, honestly you situation is a little different, because she cheated on her BF with you. had yall never had sex this situation would be OK, cuz you could of remained good friends with no attachment feelings. the weed thing shouldnt bother you if its light, even if you dont smoke. i could see it being a bother if its everyday and you dont smoke.. honestly you are in a tough situation that i fully understand because i was in a very similar one. I would just talk it out with her, see what she feels and how she thinks the situation should move forward. me and my girlfriend tried to deny it for the longest until one night she admitted to me she didnt want to see me with any other girls.. who knows you two could get together and live happily ever after, but take it slow man. i wouldnt just jump into a tough committed relationship if you do end up trying to get together.
Idk what you're debating this for. You know it won't work so stop holding out hope bc you like the ***.
I'll be brief... enjoy it while you can, use protection even if she says she's taking the pill or whatever, and don't get married for a long long time.
if she does it to someone else, she'll do it to you. change your mentality if you can to she is someone to have fun with, or leave her alone and get far away because she will break your heart.
Bro I hear you. Brother Muck had a great post. I think you have to do what is going to make you happy, and beware of the consequences. I just hate to see you get so close, and then get your heart drop kicked to the curb, or one of these I wish you the best.
Thanks guys! I really appreciate all your posts. I feel a little better after sleeping it off so to speak, but its still a crappy situation to be in. As of now I think I am going to just keep hanging out with her, take things slowly and just see where they go from there. I'm going to try to keep my feelings in check, but I don't know if I'll be able to do that... I have this bad habit of becoming infatuated with girls right from the get go, but then usually after time I lose the infatuation and just feel neutral about the girl. However this situation is different seeing as I have already known her for about 3 months. Thanks again guys, you all are great friends and I hope I can return the favor to you all one day.
Def this too. You can't trust a girl like that. The good thing is that you can see she cheats ahead of time. This way, you already know what she's like and don't have to find out afterwards.
I'm in a similar situation. I started messing around with a girl I work with. After a while we had 'the talk' and agreed to start dating. But not much has changed. We don't do the typical dating thing. We just hang out and do what we did before we started dating. For example, she went out with one of her friends last night and got pretty drunk while I sat at home watching The Wire. We both just kind of do our own thing, which is really cool. I like that independence in women. Relating this to your situation, I understand the whole thing about feeling jealous. I think its natural. That feeling creeps up inside me sometimes even when she is talking to a guy I know for certain she doesn't like. Its probably different for you since you have seen her cheat first hand. But unless you have really strong feelings for her I would try to just brush it off and not make a big deal out of it. If you can get past that just keep riding that train until she kicks you off. If you have strong feelings for her I would probably have to agree with the consensus that it probably won't work because you won't be able to brush off those feelings.
Agree with those who suggest she doesnt seem like relationship material at this point. Just continue to have alot of fun with her and her friends and take it for what it is. Maybe even mess with one of her friends.
Went down this same road a few years back....was close to a girl, she had a bf, we never physically crossed the line but emotionally did...she ended up splitting it off with him....we started dating right after...and quite honestly it was a bumpy 4 years before we broke it off. I'd say that 2 things derailed it.... 1. The way we were when she dated her ex. It always made me wary because if she did it with me, she could do it to me. Compact that with the fact that she never broke off talking to the ex and it got really stormy really quick. I'm not a huge fan of taking time after you (or someone you like) leaves a relationship to make sure that THAT relationship has run it's course. People need closure and don't like to wonder...certainly YOU don't want to be left wondering either. 2. Maturity: When people aren't ready, they're just not ready. I see a lot of people get into long term things like this when they're not ready because they're afraid of being alone and willing to settle...no good comes out of it. It sounds like she needs time to grow up a bit (perhaps you need to too...it's not a bad thing btw) and she'll need room to do that. Back to mine.....after dating 4 years we broke up and took a year off from seeing eachother.....in that year I got my **** straight in so many ways. You'd be amazed at how independent you grow when you put you're mind to it. I took time off and closed the relationship off to myself, read, started doing things I wanted to do and not compromising....I became MUCH MUCH happier than I had been. She grew as well..in the year that I was out of the picture she kicked the douche-ex to the curb, and became a lot more independent and capable of doing things on her own. We spent thanksgiving together and I'm seeing her next weekend. We've had a blast getting back in touch with each other and are mutually impressed at seeing how the other person has grown.....it's really cool. We're talking about starting a relationship again but both realize what it is that we are or aren't willing to compromise in our lives, and what the other needs to work on. Maybe she'll fit the bill, maybe she won't. But either way..I'll be fine. Y'all will too.
I agree with the others,just be careful and do what is best for you. Like others said if she cheated with you then she might do it to you. Even if she doesn't you will always have that thought that she might in the back of your head and that is not good either for you or her. Just take some time and continue to have fun. Just remember always look out for what is best for yourself and your happiness because you're the only one who can.
Sounds like you really know what to do already. Enjoy the fun. Don't worry about anything serious sounds like it would eventually only end up as a burn.
My advice is simple. You're 22. Take nothing serious. Girls your age seldom have the mental capacity or personal discipline to be faithful. Everyone thinks "their girl is actually a gird girl" but I'd say about 2.2% of women age 18-26 are worth even pretending to be serious with. I hope I don't offend anyone here, but it is what it is. You're 22. Go out and tear the place up. Who cares if she has a boyfriend... If he was doing his **** right she wouldn't be sucking you off. As long as you're not knocking down your close friend's trees, you're fine. Find and and destroy them. That's all you do. It's your mission and it's all you should be good at. In 5-10 years, revisit this whole "girlfriend" or "nice guy" crap you're obsessed with. Have fun. Be safe and strap up, but have fun man. You're 22. The Mor, OUT.
This is the first post in a series of 4 which ends with a tearful admission to murdering hookers for fun.
I agree with some of the advice in this thread however Im not sure you write a post like that if you dont actually care about the girl and at least some part of you doesnt want to make it work. From my experience sometimes a girl like that just needs someone she can be close to and shes distant because shes either scared to be hurt like you are or too cynical about the world and thinks every guy is the same. IMO you cant live life being scared of what may happen because of decisions you make. It prevents you from being who you are, being who or what youre destined to be. In a way youre the same person she is. Youre here telling us how scared of being in a relationship with this girl and on the other hand you said you like her. You have to make a decision and if something good happens you know you made a decision you arent going to regret and if something bad happens you learn from it and deal it with it like a dude does. I think most people would be hurt if their girl or boyfriend cheated on them. Yet people jump in to those types of relationships every day. Sometimes people do change and adapt. Other times people go the opposite route and make it so they never have to feel that hurt again. These are the decisions people are faced with every day. Some of the advice to run and duck and hide is simply running from your feelings and will leave you wondering what if for the rest of your life. Is that something you can live with? I would ask her if there is someone in her past that made her feel the way she does about relationships. Did she have her heart stomped on by someone she cared about? Is it just from hearing friends and people in our society talking? Someone doesnt develop that viewpoint naturally, theres always an outside reason. If you feel its worth the hassle you try and uncover and change it. Prove that youre different if you care to be. On a different note, there's nothing gay about being out dancing with three girls. I miss the days of dancing on bars and tables with a couple of cheerleaders on the dance team where I went to school.
Depends on the song.... "Strokin"....you're the king "Material girl".....you deserve all the homos you get
I'll be glad when some of you are older....you'll look back and WISH you had these kinds of "problems" again.
I too found myself in this situation. Until I realized that there are a ton of other girls I should be getting to know. Severed ties.
At 22 you still have a lot of living to do. A lot of giving and taking, while learning who you really are and what you want from a mate. Go at this relationship with this in mind. Love is a rose but you better not pick it Only grows when it's on the vine Handful of thorns and you'll know you've missed it Lose your love when you say the word mine
