What is the weirdest thing you ever saw in a Dive Strip Club or Dive Bar?

I once saw a chick with no legs......
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Nah, not really. Just had to "One-up" Opie

 

At the Kitten club in WPB........saw a pregnant stripper shooting breast milk into some guy's mouth.

Didn't eat cereal for like 6 months

 

"club diamond" up here in north carolina......couple of the football players took me and another recruit to get some lap dances.....well this chick comes out on stage in just a thong......***** starts dancing, spreading her ****......and a tampon string is dangling out of her bikini bottom......my friend puked....and we bailed.....****in hick strip clubs

 

Surprised you didn't pull the rip cord

 

Not just hick strip clubs bro.

Same thing happened to us right here in Miami.
Club called Lipsticks down south.

Beautiful spanish girl whos dancing on an elevated stage.
Were looking up at her.
Second song comes on and she takes off the bottoms.
Same deal....... string hanging out of her cooch and it's half red from leakage.

Buzz immediately gone, Hormones immediately squashed but our wallets happy as we made a hasty exit.

 

Funniest thing I ever experienced was to an employee of mine.

We took him to Spearamint Rhino for his birthday.
Place is supposed to be upscale.

We send him back to the Champagne room with a girl he picked out.
Apparently she's all drugged out on downers and she keeps falling asleep on him during the friction dance.

He keeps waking her up.
Finally after having to wake her up 3 times she gets up off of him and while staring blankly at him squats down in front of him and takes a piss right there in the room. After, she wipes with her hand and passes out in the middle of the puddle.

He came out and said that the hoe just pissed in front of him and passed out in it. Sent the bouncer in there and she was still asleep in her own urine in the room. We saw the bouncer carry her out the back.

Asked what happened to her and he said... and I quote.... "B..ch is still out there passed out, I threw her out the back door"

It all ended well though as he got another nice girl drugged up on uppers as a replacement.

Have no idea what happened to the stripper passed out in the back parking lot though. LOL.

 

The Tip Top Club in Fortuna, CA. It is the only club within a WIDE radius. I went with a couple of co-workers while we were on the road and literally saw a girl introduce us to aunt flow on stage. Music kept going, she ran off the stage and the janitor came on with a swiffer and a mop to clean up. I gave him one of my dollars (hey hard work is hard work regardless, right?)

The Pink Poodle in Santa Clara, CA. My boss goes back to get a dance and runs out about halfway through his song dry heaving and demanding to leave right away. We ask him what happened (he is a germ phobe who won't even shake hands, don't ask how we got him to go with us).He says the dance was going fine and the girl was "diddling" herself. She asked him if he liked that which he confirmed in the positive, she then immediately jammed her fingers into his mouth, which caused him to run out of there.

The rest of us all got lapdances from the same girl...

And I MAY know a few girls who danced or currently dance. I didn't witness the stories they have told me, but needless to say, it gets crazy sometimes.

 

I once sat at a stage and had a stripper get on a pole right in front of me, hang upside down and procede to slip and fall flat on her head, causing me and my freinds to bust out laughing at her.




Also, I was the Dollhouse in Lauderdale one time and got a lap dance from the one of the hottest chicks I'd ever seen in my life. After said dance, she bent down and whispered in my ear with the best Marlee Matlin accent ever, wood jew like a notha dance? I had no idea she was a deaf chick LOL.

 

I have never been to a strip club before (gap fail), but I have read this blog

http://www.hobostripper.com

and it gave me wonderful insight into the world of strippers.. and hobos.. and hobo strippers

 

I just remembered another that's actually one of my favorite stories.

We were in club Madonna on SoBe years ago.
We hear screaming over the music in the back of the club.

Music goes off and flood lights come on.
It's Whitney Houston looking all frazzled and out of it screaming ....

"Bobby!, Bobby!, I know you're in hear Bobby!"
She's surrounded by 3 body guards while screaming bloody murder.

Police show up and have to escort her out.

Apparently she had been going up and down the SOBE strip, barging into clubs and pulling the same routine for a couple hours.

hysterical stuff.

 

not quite the same stuff but when I worked on Wall Street there was this place that everyone called the "Deli Bar". You walked into a regular deli where you could order any deli type food and went to the back where there was another door. You opened that door and it was a dive bar with a couple of Latino women behind the bars that would every couple songs lift their shirts and do that trick with matches on nipples that strippers do. Anyways for a bit of cash you could go in the back with one of them and she would give you a history of sword swallowing recreation. never did buy food at that deli however

 

My friends and I drive from NY to Baltimore to catch a game at Camden Yards. When the game is over we ask a cab driver if there are any strip clubs near and he takes us a few blocks. The place is the size of a small cave..on stage is a woman dancing with one breast......just a scar where the other one was. Guys are just drinking and not paying her no mind...we look at one another..throw her a few bucks and walk back to our Hotel...I am still in shock when I think of that!

 

This thread so far...

 

The Inner Room, Cocoa Beach, FL

I was there with a couple friends. Sitting near us was a **** faced guy wearing shorts who was convinced that he was the most attractive man on the planet. He gets a lap dance, and all of a sudden, she starts to have her time of the month. The guy is saying things like 'Yeah, you want me! I can feel you ***!' The song ended, and she went away...to the bathroom. He is rubbing his hands on the wet spot on his leg, thinking she had came all over him. He then gets up and goes to the bathroom...where there is real light. All of a sudden, over the music, we hear a scream. The guy runs out, falls on his face, gets up and runs out the door.

 

Club Paradise, Hilton Head Island, SC

I went in one night alone. I spent the majority of the night buying drinks for a smoking hot redhead, and was having fun. Several times, I stepped out to have a smoke, and this guy followed me and smoked with me. I thought nothing of it, and went back in each time.

Anyway, when it was time to leave, I left. This guy who had been smoking with me followed me out. He followed me to my car, and came up to the window, and asks me if I'd like him to go down on me. I said NO. He then tells me that a mouth is a mouth, so why not? I then said 'Goodbye, dude!' and drove off. He was still standing close to my car, and I ran over his feet.

 

Ahahahahahahahah

Winner!!!!!!!!!!




A mouth is a mouth! Ahahahahahahahahahahaha :roflmao:
Posted via Mobile Device

 

I believe that part of town is/was known as "The Block." Not one of your better/safer places to be IIRC.

I agree...winner!

Been to several strip joints in my time. Regrettably, I don't have any funny stories or anecdotes to share. Probably because I don't remember most of it.

 

This happened to me a few months ago during my buddy's bachelor party.



My friend was getting married in June, and his dream has always been one big night out at a strip club. As best man, I made sure to try and make those dreams come true. What you see above is essentially a battle wound from the next morning.

He and I were both very close to the stage, oogling a blonde girl dancing to the sounds of Iron Maiden (and yes, that's as awesome as it sounds). In addition to the usual pole, she also was using what amounted to a stationary trapeze to swing around on. Like a gymnast, she swung her legs back and forward.

Without warning, I suddenly was seeing stars and bright lights.

I had no idea what had happened. It wasn't until my buddy looked at me and said "dude, you're bleeding" that I noticed a trickle of blood running down my nose. Like a gymnast the girl had leaned back, cold cocking me directly in the forehead with one of her 8" stilettos.

I went into the bathroom to survey the damage. As you can see from the picture (which was the morning after) it looked like my skull had been split open. After flushing the wound with warm water and waiting for the bleeding to stop I went back out to the main room.

Back at the bar I grabbed a beer but decided that I should probably not have anymore to drink, considering the enormous headache (and likely concussion) that I was dealing with. The girl was very nice and came over and gave me a hug. Asking if there was anything she could do for me I activated my Viking charm and asked for some free VIP treatment, or at least a dance.

The girl flatly refused.

Dejected, I headed towards the back of the club to try and get my head to stop hurting. As the evening wound down I considered the options of driving while concussed. I suggested to my buddy (the bachelor) that we may actually be safer with him at the wheel.

As he climbed into the driver's side door, despite my sore noggin I noticed that he was like a human bobblehead as he started the vehicle. "Stop" I said. "There's no way you're driving." We switched places and he passed out within seconds of putting on his seatbelt.

Luckily the hotel was only a few scant miles away, a straight shot of desolate streets at 3:00 a.m. As the bright lights streaked across my vision I considered what the odds of going to a strip club and being kicked in the head were.

The next day I cleaned and dressed the wound with band-aids and neosporin. On the ride home my buddy remarked "only you would get kicked in the head by a stripper. Only you could find a way to upstage my bachelor party."

With my mutant healing factor in full force, the gaping wound closed in time for the wedding, which meant that we avoided all sorts of uncomfortable questions about the large gash in my forehead. But regardless, I'll never forget that night.

 

Brother that stuff about the "BLOCK" in Baltimore could not be any truer!..Not the safest I have felt..lol

 

That would be one of the few times a lap dance would have been worth it, a lap dance is a lap dance more or less, stuff like that does not happen everynight..

Haven't been to a strip club in years, but when I did go stuff like that did not happen.

And to me, the idea of a Stip Club/Buffet is just creepy, nothing like trying to eat your meatloaf with titties bouncing around while they are shaking that backside...no thanks.

 

See, that would just take the appetite for my meat loaf and corn right out of me, now that I think about it, that is a valid diet..

 

There used to be a strip club by MIA called "El Centro Hispanol" I went there a few times with my HS buddies, because it the only place we knew of that let in 18 year olds.

It was in every sense of the word: a ****hole, you sat down on crappy lawn chairs and needless to say the place wasnt located in a safe area, in fact it closed down afew years ago possibly due to the gang related shootings(and another reason which I'll get to)

There were a few good looking girls there, some were decent, while most were nasty. Oh and there was an old ***** working there, I'm talking about late 60s old. Watching her dance was like watching a train wreck, you felt like puking but you couldnt look away(which probably made her feel good about herself).

The place also tripled as a whorehouse, I say tripled because it was a restaurant by day and strip club by night, I never ate or drank there, doing so would be a death sentence, as would ****ing any of the girls, although some of my friends did enjoy cheap hookers)

The VIP room was also in the front for some reason.

 

What a great thread, simply hilarious.

Phinvader, being from the Cocoa Beach area, I know all about Inner Room, along with Tootsies, Bare Assets, etc. etc.

I don't have much stories about the strippers I've seen other than a time at a strip joint.

We went for a buddies 18th birthday. Everyone knows about the pay to slap a stripper's *** game. So, my buddy was drunk we paid for him to slap the stripper's ***...just one problem. My buddy, for some reason or another, hits closed hand and actually punches her in the ***. The stripper screams in agony like she'd just gotten shot in the ***. The bouncers threw my buddy out and apparently had to carry this girl off the stage because she could no longer walk.

 

I saw a stripper pull some windex and a rag out of nowhere and start cleaning the mirror behind her during her dance. Not part of the show, she was cleaning the whole big mirror.

 

maybe you mistook the vibe you were giving off that day

 

not to go all geek and quote myself but i just went here and found out that she has resumed writing again.

i followed this blog for a good year i'd say. and this new writing apparently comes with amateur porn. you have to pay for it and i have no idea what it is save for the delicious remarks she makes on the videos.

pro tip. she's hot as hell as i HAVE seen her naked.

 

Dive bar?


Err...dentures and cougars..

'nuff said...

 

Read her stuff 2 yrs ago...watch it for the drop the jeans and await the backdoor entrance stuff...

Her dogs were cool, but then she got into the sexting business in 08 and sorta ruined the whole thing

 

In Thailand I once saw a live bird fly out of exactly where you think it did. Oh, and same place had a girl that pulled a string with razor blades tied to it out. It's amazing how unsexy, yet WTF fascinating that stuff is. I played smiles in the P.I. once. I’m sure there are some old school Sailors here that have some unprintable P.I. stories.

 

maybe for you

 

In addition to my one legged goddess that Kenny mentioned, I once saw a gross biker woman squeeze breast milk into White Russians at a biker bar. Horrendous, her paps looked like deflated balloons with crude roses or hearts (the memory has thankfully faded) tattooed on them.

 

I sure am glad that Lucky hasn't come into this thread to tell us about the donkey shows in Tiujuana.

 

no you're right. I dated a few of them in my late twenties. That was my "thing" for a couple of years. I didnt want to actually care about the women I was dating at the time

Actually my line wasnt a serious question but a bad joke. I meant maybe the vibe you were giving off wasnt one of a sugar daddy but rather someone who would lick her *** bad joke on my part

 

Ah, the memories...

That place has been a ****hole for 30 years...still there the last time I was in the 305.

 

There was a place in Hawaii where one of the girls would shoot ping pong balls at you (from you know where...) across a regular table, if you could hit it back you got a free drink. Don't remember anyone ever succeeding.

Another time me and a couple friends actually saved a dancer from serious injury. She was swinging around the pole, slipped off, and literally fell right across our laps. We managed to catch her keep her from hitting the table top, and not hit the floor at the same time somehow. She was nice enough (and drunk enough) to stay laid out across the three of us for a while, then got back on stage and finished up.