Translation of Car Horns

On my way to work this morning, I was a red light. Per usual, I was adrift in mental fogginess, due to the fact i was up late and the Mountain Dew hadn't yet kicked in. Light turned green, and I hadn't moved. Car behind me honks, I go, as I say some expletive or another. That got me thinking what we can tell about a person by the way they honk their horn.

Horn: A quick 2 beeps.
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Verbal Equivalent:
"Excuse me."

Person Type:
Calm, quiet, patient.

Occupation:
Librarian, accountant, elementary school teacher

Politeness Scale:
1: The probably beeped for you and not themselves.


Horn: A single moderate length beep.
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Verbal Equivalent:
"C'mon."

Person Type:
Typical, average person. Not overly angry nor particularly understanding. Sees little past their own existence. Can however be guilted into things.

Occupation:
Any job really. Very broad and diverse group.

Politeness Scale:
3-6: Depends on length of beep and how late they are.


Horn: 1 short then 1 long beep.
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Verbal Equivalent:
"F youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu, you mother f-er! I'll eat your f-ing soul! Mommy didn't love me! Arrrrrggggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!"

Person Type:
Ugly on the inside and outside. Hates the world because the world has clearly mocked such an ugly person from birth. If its a guy he hits his wife. If its a female she hits her kids. If its a kid (16-20) he hits his dogs.

Occupation:
Dock workers, dishwashers, criminal.

Politeness Scale:
10: Hates the world.

 

Out of all the things one can tout as an accomplishment, being cooler than Mor, falls in between successfully working a zipper and a bathroom session where your finger doesn't rip through the paper.