every true linux flavor is free. SliTaz GNU/Linux - Home page I would recommend Ubuntu/Kubuntu/Xubuntu for beginners... http://www.ubuntu.com
various things, mostly work in the environment, maybe do scripts and such for the systems I work on. Nothing to extensive but I can navigate through it. So stop looking down on me!!!
I couldnt find a pic, but this reminded me of the Gregory Hines "Eunuch" scene in 'History of The World Part 1'