Now is the time for the ultimate waste of time. Waste of your time, waste of my time, waste of everyone’s time. The yearly article that Rob Konrad’s father once cyber yelled at me for. Not realizing that my entire thought would be, “Wow, Rob Konrad’s father actually wrote what I read. That is as cool as it is a huge waste of his time. I am just a stupid college football fan.” I was right though. His son wasn’t really utilized that year. So my college immature self says, “Suck it Rob Konrad’s dad. Also Jeff Ogden also didn’t have a good season either. I don’t care if his mother read that I thought he was the Randy Moss of the European League.” Man my college self is a jerk. Here it is, Dol-Fan Dupree’s 2015 Miami Dolphins Manifesto. The joke that has gone 10 years too long. Take that Sporticus! TOMBS! Quarterback: Ryan Tannehill: He has improved every year since he has been in the NFL. Using the property where an object in motion stays in motion, he should continue to improve. I am expecting big things from him. So far the reports are good, which is too be expected really. Unless you are a Bill’s quarterback a starting quarterback should look good in shorts. Maybe Bill’s starting quarterback is an oxymoron. – KEEP Matt Moore: Keeping alliteration alive since 2005. He hasn’t been in the league that long, however 5 rhymes with alive. Don’t judge me. He has been Ryan’s rock. More of a gun slinger. The type of player who can throw a really stupid interception and then a nice deep ball. Kind of like Eli Manning, except without all the talent. A very much less talented Eli Manning is a good back up in most books – KEEP McLeod Bethel-Thompson: Feminism, right? All this hyphenated names. What is up with that? Sacramento State? That is not a state. If this guy makes the team, he will have the longest last name on the team. That is something – CUT Josh Freeman: Is kind of like Rick Mirer. Started off looking good as a rookie and then came back down to earth. While Rick Mirer couldn’t throw to his left, Josh Freeman liked to do drugs. Which is different. Unlike not being able to throw left you can stop doing drugs. Even if Josh Freeman continued his drug habit, Dave Wanstedt would still have traded a first round for him. AND HE IS A FREE AGENT. Wanny sucks – CUT Runningback: Lamar Miller: Another player who has improved every year. He as very consistent last year. He was also very consistently not used. It was like the coaches didn’t trust him after he had 10 carries. It is weird how he have such a high yards per carry with having a low percentage of over 20 yards run. He was just constant at not making mistakes. I think he is better as a two headed monster type runningback. He did put on some weight to be able to take a bigger beating. We will see – KEEP Damien Williams: Turns out there can only be one D. Williams on the team. He was the one they decided to keep. Philbin didn’t want to be too confused. It made him queasy to have two of him. He is quick. He looks like he can get open in the passing game. I am interested to see how he does in his second year. I think LaMichael James is going to push him for playing time. He can’t sleep on his job. – KEEP Jay Ajayi: Every year a player drops way lower than you think he will and the Miami Dolphins sometimes draft them. Sometimes they work out, and sometimes they do not. He has a knee that might give out on him in 5 years. However this is the NFL, who cares about his long term health. Can he help the team? That is what is important. At least he will get hundreds of thousands of dollars to walk with a limp the rest of his life. He can probably afford a robot leg and still have money left over for his robot wife. He is a good hard runner who scores a LOT of touchdowns. If there is one thing Miami needs is a lot of touchdowns – KEEP LaMichael James: Also known as The Michael James in French. A player who did well in this type of offense in college. A player who I think should be returning kicks instead of Landry. Why isn’t this guy returning kicks? – KEEP Mike Gillislee: Remember this guy? Didn’t think so. He looked mediocre in preseason. I wish him luck as a human being with a heart. As a cold hearted football fan, I think he is going to be cut. At least he lived his dream for two years. That is more than most people. Especially people who write really long posts on the internet forum board. Unless that is your dream. Which honestly, get a better dream man. Get outside. Do something with kids. Make a difference. – CUT Wide Receiver: DeVante Parker: You know the weird part about the draft? The Miami Dolphins drafted the player people actually wanted. The fans were chanting his name and then he came up. They didn’t draft someone’s family or a left tackle or a god damn cornerback when you already freaking have Sam Madison and Patrick Surtain. I mean honestly, WANNY can go to hell! A player who I didn’t really like before the draft, however after Miami drafted him, I magically liked him. How about that? I do worry about his lack of separation in his highlight films, however he does have a great catch radius and if he can increase his playing speed, he can really be a terror. Hopefully he will work out. – KEEP Jarvis Landry: Talk about a player that I was wrong about. I did think he could have been the type of player who could lead rookies in catches, however I did not realize that last season would have one of the most ridiculous receiving classes of all time. However after the first four games I was very unimpressed. Then I became really impressed. He is the perfect safety valve receiver. He is a type of receiver that Brady would love to have on his team. He is also an amazingly hard worker. A great guy to have on the team. One of those players you are proud to call a Miami Dolphin – KEEP Kenny Stills: What a haircut. He is fast. Not Wallace fast, however close. However unlike Wallace, he can run some routes. His catch percentage was really good in college and that continued in the pros. It is weird that the Saints traded him. My hope is that Brees just didn’t like the guy for some random reason or that they thought him and Cooks was redundant. I haven’t read much about him in OTAs. We will see. – KEEP Greg Jennings: So funny that the Dolphins have Jennings and the Vikings have Wallace. Jennings is a good receiver to have on the team. If Miami wants to run a high octane offense, he is a good receiver to come off the bench so Miami’s receiver can still run fast. Yea, that is understandable English. – KEEP Rishard Matthews: One of my favorite players on the team. He is tough, he can catch and he runs good routes. I thought he would be a bigger part of the offense. However he is on the bubble. McQuesey is not a fan of his. Yet he is still on the team. Kind of weird how that works out. – CUT Matt Hazel: A player who improved every year in college. Now he is tearing it up in OTAs. Will he win the Brian Manning Award for Best Achievements in Shorts to Disappear Once Pads Are Put On? I am saying no. He is going to continue to play well. – KEEP Damarr Aultman: Every year I watch a player’s highlights and think, “Wow, he looks good against bad competition.” Damarr was that guy. However his stats aren’t super good. He looks quick on Youtube. Needs to be a good returner to make the team – CUT LaRon Byrd: Is this the guy who was the quarterback on the Wildcats? Remember when Goldie Hawn was really attractive? Aw good times. Back then gas was only a dollar a gallon and people got into bar fights because they couldn’t instantly look up the answer of the fact they were disagreeing with on a magical device that can fit in their hands. In fact there was a phone service you could call where people who have a collection of books with random sports facts that they can look up so you don’t have to punch your friend in the face for thinking that the starting 2nd baseman of the Yankees in 1935 was the different from who you thought was the starting 2nd baseman. Why do people like the old times? They are the worst – CUT Nigel King: I am going to name my next character on Skyrim Nigel King. What an awesome name! – CUT Christion Jones: I thought this guy was an instant cut. Why would Miami get a 4.8 40 wide receiver who is only 5-11. Then I actually looked at his highlights and thought, “WHAT NO WAY HE IS THAT SLOW!” Turns out the website I first got that number is crap. This guy is Devin Hester if Devin Hester was an undrafted free agent like talent. I am going to put him as my dark horse – KEEP Tyler McDonald: Going to be the 2015 Brian Manning award winner. (Sub in the name of your first receiver that you noticed that did well in shorts but wasn’t good in pads.) – CUT Michael Preston: I could look him up and make it seem like I am putting in effort. Or I could dip this McNugget into the BBQ sauce. Mmm McNugget. – CUT Tommy Streeter: If I were writing a crime novel Tommy Streeter would be the name of the informant. He is tall. He is fast. He is going to be cut – CUT Tight End: Jordan Cameron: In my opinion he is not a replacement for Clay. They are different players. They are not going to use Cameron like they used Clay. However, they do not need to. His specific set of skills is different than Clay’s however they are extremely useful. He is a good redzone threat. The only danger is his brain. Will it survive this season? Let’s hope he doesn’t have long term damage. Just kidding, we are football fans right? Who cares about their long term wellbeing? – KEEP Dion Sims: Went from a blocking tight end who can’t block to a blocking tight end who is a decent blocker. Plus he showed to not be useless in the passing game. A player who has improved both years he has been in the league. Done more than anyone on the 2006 Miami Dolphins draft class. What a freaking lazy article. Always, I should reply to a different thread. Wanny sucks – KEEP Arthur Lynch: He looked like he was drafted in case Dion Sims didn’t work out. He hurt his back. A blocking tight end with a bad back? I don’t know. Plus he isn’t 6-8. That isn’t not super tall, what am I talking about? – CUT Gerell Robinson: A new Clay. I don’t know. I miss Clay. That still makes me sad. Stupid Buffalo. – CUT Tim Semisch: HE IS TALL! I kind of hope he makes the team because he is so tall. So TALL! Six freaking eight! That is so tall. What the heck. – KEEP Jake Stoneburner: Now this guy has the name of a tight end. Or a half dwarf half bro. – CUT Offensive Line: Mike Pouncey: He might have matured. He is not a good guard. However he is one of the best centers. I am also hoping his last year was due to his hip. He is really good at what he does. Good fit for the offense – KEEP Branden Albert: Please get well. PLEASE! I am going to sacrifice a chicken on my pentagram and pray to the Goddess of Knee Injuries that he gets better by the beginning of the year. He was one of the best tackles in the league last season when he was healthy. Could really see the difference when he went down. Please come back healthy! – KEEP Jason Fox: In case my voodoo mumbo jumbo turns out to be pure malarkey, he is the back up plan. He was O.K. last season. He was also coming back from an injury. He might be even better this season. I am hoping for the best. He really should have been a tackle instead of Dallas Thomas last season – KEEP Ja’Wuan James: He was good for a rookie at right tackle last year. He was pretty bad for any year player as a left tackle last season. They should keep him at right tackle. – KEEP Dallas Thomas: A player who should never play tackle. NEVER PLAY TACKLE! Plus his crappy block did lead to Albert getting hurt. He also had a HUGE confidence problem last season. When going against top talent, he looked as bad as Daryn Colledge, the Cameron Worrell of the offensive line last season. Which lead to some of the worst offensive line play in a long time. If the offensive line play wasn’t down all over the league I would be even harder on how bad the offensive line was last year. However the Seahawks went to the Superbowl with terrible guard play. So this is something the Dolphins have in common with the Seahawks – CUT Billy Turner: The thing I dislike about OTAs is that people read too much into offensive line play. Really, unless you are paying really freaking close attention and know exactly what you are looking for, it is a waste of everyone’s time. Reporting that the defensive lineman didn’t get blocked well when contact, the thing that is needed to block, isn’t technically allowed, then what is the point. Let’s wait until pads are on to actually listen to the media. They haven’t even mentioned hand placement or any technique. That is all that really matters! Rant over. I have high hopes for this guy. – KEEP Jamil Douglas: He is strong. However, while strength helps with blocking, it is over rated. Hand placement and leverage are much more important than strength. However, he looks good for the position Miami wants him in. - KEEP Sam Brenner: I thought he was going to be good after his decent rookie year. He looked disappointing last season. I also don’t like Utah as a state. – CUT Jeff Linkenbach: Looks like he is going to be Miami’s utility back up. If what I am reading from OTAs is accurate. A stupid joke about his name. – KEEP Michael Liedtke: Here are 29 minutes of highlights for an offensive tackle. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2iZW-OGbcyM Are you back? – CUT Mickey Baucus: Oh Mickey, you so fine, you so fine, you are going to get – CUT Donald Hawkins: More like Donald CutKins. Am I right? – CUT Dionte Savage: He is D. Williams buddy. Gives him an inside edge. Not really, however I do like picking one undrafted free agent to make the team. Why can’t Miami have a good undrafted free agent guard? It happens all the time! – KEEP J.D. Walton: I love Scrubs. – KEEP Aundrey Walker: I don’t know anything about this guy. His name isn’t even good enough to make fun of. Good luck on your NFL dream if you are reading this. And honestly you should have something better to do. I should be sleeping. – CUT Jacques McClendon: A NFL player should not have the first name Jacques. He should be out in the sea discovering new sea animals and playing with Dolphins. – CUT Defensive Line: It is at this point when my brain starts to hurt. Ndamukong Suh: It is very rare when a player who is one of the best in the league at a position that is one of the top four important, in his prime becomes available for free agency. I am surprised he is a Miami Dolphin. I am excited to see what he can do in a uniform. Watching his highlights when he hits a quarterback, I feel sorry for him. Heck during the sports science segment, I felt sorry for the dummy he hit. He is a monster. The only negative other than his huge price tag is that his first name is hard to pronounce. I am going to have to learn it. – KEEP Earl Mitchell: He started out really well last year. Then he didn’t keep on doing well. It wouldn’t have surprised me if he was cut after last season. I was kind of hoping he would be and the money would be used to keep Odrick. Well I don’t always get what I wish for. If I did I would have some nice boobs in my face right now. I hope he can keep on playing well. Should have a good enough rotation this year thought to keep him fresh – KEEP C.J. Mosley: Suh’s buddy. A good run stuffer. Should provide good play off the bench to keep Mitchell fresh – KEEP Jordan Phillips: When I heard that he could do a standing back hand spring, I assumed he looked like a Jake Long type monster body. When I saw his huge gut during the standing back hand flip video, I was freaking surprised. Then he did it. If this guy gets his body in order and works really hard, he can be a monster. The problem with players like that, is that a lot of time they don’t. With C.J. Mosley Miami doesn’t need to count on him this year. I do hope the light comes on this season and during the time between OTAs and training camp he is working out like a monster and watching tons of tape. I doubt it, however I can dream – KEEP Cameron Wake: My favorite player on the team. He is lovely to watch. If the NFL called holding calls correctly, he would either have many more holding calls or many more sacks. Watching Wake being blocked by a tight end is like watching me trying to block Wake. I am not saying I am as good as the tight end, I am just saying I would be just as effective. Which is just a body for him to get through. Someday he is going to slow down. I haven’t seen any evidence that he has yet. He and Suh on the same side is going to annoy a lot of quarterbacks. - KEEP Olivier Vernon: I am surprised by the huge anti-Vernon contingency on the site. Another player who has improved every year and is young. With Suh and Wake on the other side, Vernon might have another double sack year. He should take up the Manziel dollar celebration because next year he is going to be paid. Plus he is probably a better quarterback than Manziel – KEEP Derrick Shelby: He is an interesting player. He is a really good pass rusher, but doesn’t get a lot of sacks. Not the best against the run. Actually not that good at it. Still a good lower level player. He has made a great career for himself. I hope he improves. – KEEP Terrence Fede: FEDE! FEDE! FEDE! Last season he didn’t know how to play football correctly. He was a bull in a china shop. However he did his best and showed how athletic he is. Plus he blocked a punt to win a game. I am hoping he worked on technique and learned how to play defensive end well. Like hand placement and stuff like that. You can see M.C. Queasy almost laugh every time he talked about Fede last season. – KEEP Anthony Johnson: The competition is tough on the defensive line this year. I am going with 9 on the team. He showed the most last season of everyone else. – KEEP Emmanual Dieke: He was another I was thinking could make the team. They seemed to like him and he looked good in preseason last season. However McCain can be used as a pass rushing defensive end. He could be a practice squad player – CUT A.J. Francis: A player who I thought would be better. I had him making the team before C.J. Mosely. However we live in a post C.J. Mosley world – CUT Ellis McCarthy: Googled him. A 5 start recruit that never put it together. Might be a good long time practice squad player. You can never have too many athletic defensive tackles – CUT Ray Drew: Why isn’t there a NFL minor league? I would watch the Orlando Spiders, the Miami Dolphins farm team on ESPN Ocho. Also, why aren’t spiders used more as mascots? They freaking scary. I know more people afraid of spiders than birds. Could make a really cool helmet. – CUT Kendall Montgomery: Gave up on his highlight film after three plays. One of them was a sack by another player where he cleaned up. Why would you add that play? – CUT Linebacker: Koa Misi: A player who I think gets too much flak from fans. He does get injured too much. I don’t know if that is really a skill. I have seen players stop getting hurt and players become injury prone. As a middle linebacker he is really good at blitzing up the middle. Probably because he has experience as a defensive end. Not the best at coverage, however isn’t super terrible. – KEEP Jelani Jenkins: It is weird. At this time last year I was thinking about cutting him. Now I am excited to watch him play. What a difference a year makes. You never know which players are going to step up. He stepped up big time last season. Then got some small injures and injuries on the defensive line started happening. I am hoping he plays well this season – KEEP Chris McCain: By all accounts it looks like the strong side linebacking role is his for the taking if he is willing to take it. It is looking like he is willing to do it. He is a player with 2nd/3rd round talent, however had discipline problems. By all accounts it looks like he has matured. Another player that is very hard to block on the blitz for a runningback. He has a really quick double move that if the quarterback doesn’t get the ball out really fast, he is going to be sacked. I hope he lives up to what I think he is going to be – KEEP Kelvin Sheppard: A player who has the talent, however didn’t make it on the team that drafted him. He looked O.K. last year. I like him better than Trusnik as the first linebacker off the bench. He is also going to get a shot at unseating Misi at middle linebacker. – KEEP Jordan Tripp: A player who is drafted last season who I kept on reading was special, however I never saw it on the field. Not during his highlight film. Not during the preseason. I am still waiting to see something about him that is special. Surprise – CUT Mike Hull: The first player I am talking about which is going to be known as “El Trio”. The three UDFA linebackers that are going to make team. He is a great effort player who is going to outshine Jordan Tripp – KEEP Jeff Luc: I really liked his highlight film. A tackling machine. Plus he grew up a Dolphin fan. He even showed some coverage skills. Good tackling skills. “El TRIO LIVES!” – KEEP Zach Vigil: He is also fun to watch. Another tackling machine. Showed me more on his highlight film than Tripp. Super fun to watch. Even though “El TRIO” will look great on preseason, which will cause the fans to scream, “El TRIO FOREVER!” chances are one or two of them will be inactive and they will mostly play on special teams. However. El TRIO! Neville Hewitt: I think his parents wanted him to be a bad guy on a 1980s ski movie, where his father was going to shut down the ski house to build a country club or something. – CUT Spencer Paysinger: Brought in to play special teams. Going to lose out to the Trio. – CUT Defensive Back: Brent Grimes: One of the best players in the NFL. Great signing. I am happy he is a Dolphin. Fun to watch. Not a fan of his wife. Wish she wouldn’t cause so much controversy. However Brent is amazing at his job – KEEP Jamar Taylor: This is his year to step up. So far in OTAs he has looked good. He is a really good athlete. Now let’s hope he becomes a really good cornerback – KEEP Brice McCain: Going to change Miami Dolphins to Miami DieHards with so many McCain. Wait, that was McClain! DAMMTI! Ruined a perfectly stupid joke. A good solid player – KEEP Reshad Jones: A player on the cusp of greatness. Two really good season sandwiched in between one pretty poor season. I do hope he can increase his role and take the next step – KEEP Louis Delmas: Great guy. I love hearing him talk about being a Miami Dolphin. He really likes this team and always gets me excited about the team. One of the best cheerleaders. Also a really good safety. Just has an injury problem. I hope it goes away because I really like him – KEEP Bobby McCain: Another McCain. As JR would say, “He is as quick as a hiccup”. Oh those wrestling announcers. You can tell I am getting tired at this point. He is getting a shot at kick returner. I am interested in seeing how he develops – KEEP Tony Lippett: This is a player who is going to be one of those players where fans get too excited for and are really disappointed when he is inactive. However, as a long term prospect, he is looking really good. At this point I don’t trust him against savvy NFL veteran receivers. Not enough practice at the position. He has really good size though and I see a bright future ahead of him. In fact, one might say it is so bright, that he has to wear shades. – KEEP Walt Aikens: Did you see his arms? I mean seriously, look at his current picture with him flexing. I mean, look at him! Not directly at his arms because it is like looking directly at the sun. They are that beautiful. – KEEP Michael Thomas: A good special teamer. Unfortunately got hurt last season. I think he would have filled in better than street free agents and a rookie Walt Aikens. – KEEP Cedric Thompson: I don’t think Miami is going to get him on the practice squad. He is really smart and a great leader. Going to be good on special teams. A pretty decent athlete. Plus I don’t generally cut rookies who are just drafted – KEEP Will Davis: Well, this is hard for me. I like him as a player. Terrible tackler. Sam Madison bad. However he seemed to have a nose for the ball when I saw him play. I like cornerbacks who are around the ball. However there just isn’t enough room. – CUT Sammy Seamster: I have read good things about him in OTAs. Might be practice squad eligible. – CUT Zack Bowman: A veteran. – CUT Don Jones: A great special team player. Really, really good. I don’t see how Miami can keep him – CUT Jordan Kovacs: He is liked for some reason. – CUT Shamiel Gary: I have no idea who this is. – CUT Special Teams Caleb Sturgis: He should be better. Why aren’t you better? Why is Dan Carpenter so good now? He was as good as Caleb Sturgis when Miami cut him. So this means that when Sturgis is cut, he will go to the Jets and be awesome – KEEP Andrew Franks: Is a kicker from Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute really the best rookie free agent out there? Are the other ones really that bad? From reports I have read he is losing out to Sturgis and Sturgis is hurt and unable to compete. It is like on the Simpsons when Homer Simpson got his jaw broke by Drededrick Tatum’s statue – CUT Brand Fields: I hope he was injured last season because he didn’t play well. He isn’t mentioned as much as he should during the collapse at Green Bay. He punted the ball 40 yards. A good punt and that game could have been over – KEEP Matt Darr: Shrugs. – CUT John Denny: One of the best at a position where if you know who he is, then there is a problem. Well he is actually a really good special team tackler. A lot of times one of the first people down there to make the tackle. – KEEP There I am done. I did it all in one night. I shouldn’t have done that. I have stuff to do tomorrow. Well I hope you enjoyed this waste of time. However isn’t all forum activity during the offseason a waste of time? Especially the time after OTAs and before Training Camp. What are we going to do? Watch baseball? Forget that! I miss football so much. Please come back football. PLEASE COME BACK TO ME!
Toooooooooooooooombs! Solves the world's problems. When Chuck Norris makes Chuck Norris jokes, he knows that Tooooooooombs can only truly be the one referenced in the joke. Tooooooooombs makes the world go around! And how do you leave off Eddie F'N Moore in regards to the Wanny hate?
Derrick Shelby is actually a ghost in pass rushing but was ninth in the league last year against the run. I wouldn't diminish the importance of the practice squad this year. We have some young guys that have a future in the NFL. If J.D. Walton was healthy last year and played as bad as he did, not only should he be cut, but he should also be punished. Jordan Tripp will not be cut. This is probably Koa Misi's last year with the Dolphins.
Done. I hope you are happy. Not because of the change. Just in general. I hope you are happy and fulfilled in your life.
My goodness, Thanks for all that work man, but I get the creeps from anything dolphin related that ends in "Manifesto" after that infamous similarly styled hot garbage about Culpepper.
Thanks for the read Dup.. Wilsons strengths in the escapability dept offset the weaknesses the Seahawks had at guard. Lets hope this element of the game is our qbs most improved part.
Wilson dropped back to pass 452 times and was sacked 42 times, Tannehill had 590 drop backs and was sacked 46 times, either Seattle's Oline is much worse than Miami's or Tannehill is not so bad at avoiding pressure at all, 4 more sacks with 138 attempts more
Awesome job as always Dupree. Although you did miss out on some obvious jokes at John Denny's age. I mean seriously I googled his name and this image came up
Seattle's O line isn't as bad as ours overall...but they're not "good." I'd call them below average compared to our poor (for 2014). Maybe RT isn't as bad as the narrative...I don't know...all I know is there's a tendency to watch a TON more of RT's play with more of a critical eye, since he's our guy. Grass is greener syndrome, etc. Edit: FWIW, PFF has Miami at 31st in pass blocking...Seattle at 17th.
well we know from watching wilson and how he escapes the pocket and makes plays that those sacks must of been completely unavoidable..
Bold Suh too. Good write up, would say I agree with 90-95% of what you said, Especially AJ Francis, thought he was going to be a player for us too. But I do think Tripp will be and should be a keep.
its all in the past, new year, new year of developing, after his 4th year lets hope he isn't the most sacked NfL qb over that span..Its time for him to open up that light as to when to run and when to stay, plain and simple, once he gets that, that ceiling will be much higher.
Its nice to have this many players we want to keep. We have had a lot of years where we just wanted to flush this whole mess and start over.
Nice write up Dup and I like the humor element that you add to it. I really do appreciate all of you guys who take your spare time and think about the rest of us to put all this info down for us in one spot.
