Ok gang, I need your help! Make whatever suggested changes or additions you would make to help Joe dust off his resume and get it ready. ONE RULE: The tone has to sound like something joe MIGHT actually put in his own resume. So no "I suck as a coach" or "Too dumb to use timeouts for MY team not TEHIRS" type stuff. We understand the criticisms. So take jabs at Joe here (that's the point!) but stick with the 'borderline realisitic' tone of his resume. Looking forward to suggested edits! Joe Philbin 1234 Main Street Anytown, State ZIP 123-456-7890 no_reply@example.com Status: Available PROFILE Spent four years building football program for well-known NFL brand. I bring commitment and loyalty to tasks, big and small. My word is my bond. In my heart I know that integrity brings championships, whether in football or other arenas like business management, retail or hospitality industry. EXPERIENCE Head Coach, Miami Dolphins; Miami, FL - 2012- October 2015 Hand-selected coaching staff to support player development and implement vision. Acted as steadying force. Was ‘go to guy’ within organizational structure for any issues, large or small. While not directly responsible for, I was ultimately responsible for approving or vetoing: game-plans, starting personnel, in-game adjustments to strategy, play-calling. Directly responsible for: clock management, demeanor and tone of football team, weekly goal-setting and monitoring progress towards measurables, practice schedule, press conference appearances (local and national exposure), decisions on use of traditional bound-information vs. smart-technology formatted information, hotel and sleep schedule for players and coaches. Offensive Coordinator, Green Bay Packers; Green Bay, WI - 2007-2011 Oversaw and implemented gameplay material preparation, including but not limited to: traditional bound-stationery materials, photographic prints, collating delivering materials to correct parties at appropriate time, de-bugging coaching presentations on Powerpoint platform (Microsoft), quality-assurance on headset signal from Head Coach to offensive staff and players, relaying calls and signals precisely as-called without error from Head Coach to starting Quarterback on gamedays. Responsibilities increased during tenure to include moderate scheduling, and input into weekly gameplay at meeting of coaches and players. Offensive-Line Coach, Green Bay Packers; Green Bay, WI - 2006 Managed and implemented ideas on which Offensive players would produce best results in Offensive Line unit. Advised superiors on player ability, performed assessment, evaluation and judgement of players while developing talent at the position. After one year at this position superior complimented my performance, noting, “Joe, I think it’s time we find you something more suited to you.” Moved after only one year in charge of this unit due to coaching acumen. Tight Ends Coach / Assistant Offensive-Line Coach, Green Bay Packers; Green Bay, WI - 2004-2005 Developed player talent at Tight End position. Gave recommendations on which Tight Ends had the stance to play various positions along the Offensive Line. This stream of recommendations based on evaluating players ‘at a glance’, plus taking the initiative to loiter near Offensive Linemen and proactively demonstrate techniques to that unit whenever OL unit coach was pre-occupied, led to addition of title “Assistant Offensive-Line Coach”. Offensive-Line Coach, University of Iowa; Iowa City, IA - 1999-2002 Developed player talent along Offensive Line, developing Eric Steinbach Robert Gallery who were drafted into NFL, solidifying my reputation as a proven developer of Offensive Line talent. This is my signature and calling card. I routinely take dozens of young men and get the best out of one or two of them. EDUCATION Washington & Jefferson College, Washington, PA — B.A. Sociology, 1984 SKILLS As a non-confrontational consensus builder, I would thrive in NCO, non-profit and governmental agencies as well. While I have received repeated praise for my skills with structure and organization, I feel my best stance is as a leader with his finger on the pulse of any large project or organization. Excellent speller. Clean and tidy. ACCOLADES AND ADDITIONAL INFORMATION Member of Lambda Chi Alpha Fraternity and all that implies, did several initial courses in Masters of Education program (Tulane), committed to Church and family, avid Seinfeld fan (Newman is the best), newly active member of Ocala Toastmasters where I am honing my extemporaneous public speaking and eye-contact.
Excellent. Also under profile: Mentally strong enough to withstand unwarranted criticism of all facets of my personality and coaching style with unwavering resolve. Able to create strong bonds with ownership, and cultivate loyalty to me without question, even when faced with overwhelming circumstances.
Garbage disposal expert- I will ensure that any area I am responsible for is clear of all gum wrappers and any other material which might be seen as litter. This is one area of expertise where I truly excel.
Thanks guys! I'll check back tonight and do some edits! Keep the edit suggestions rolling in! Cheaper than therapy.
Worked actively with free agent community to gain employment for veterans with no income. Supported initiatives within organization to enhance roster diversity via inclusion of under-developed, small-school players
Event organizer/administrator Responsible for coordinating theatrical events such as Straight Outta Compton, and game tape of previous games. Organize vacations to London as well.
Excellent at destroying player development, protecting incompetent assistant coaches, and releasing or trading players that become all pro's when gone.
Dammit. Ok redo. Offensive Line Guru who helped develop Dallas Thomas in to the 72nd rated tackle in the entire world!
Worked toward resolving management's concern for enhanced production with determined focus on core values of loyalty, continuity and familiarity. Installed programs which increased the reliability and probability of success associated with stake-holder predictions.
Took an active role in helping community members resolve their fundamental uncertainty on team matters. Helped unite disparate community members through consistent and steady demonstrations of team performance.
Popularized the electric shuffle and impersonated the Munster family during annual Dolphins entertainment gala. Landed a coveted 2nd round pick from Indianapolis for a malcontent cornerback.
Excellent at developing other coaches. Helped promote Mike Sherman from offensive coordinator to high school football coach.
0I feel my pryor experiencehas prepared me to be the night manager of the Quiznos in Clewiston Florida.
Developed new and innovative statistical analysis for player performance that provides better feedback than traditional methods such as 'points' or 'yards' which lead to enhanced performance. Because players spend more time practicing than playing I implemented a holistic method of team selection that gave increased weight to practice performance than to game performance.
Career Objectives- - To have men of character in my football programs above all else, because true locker room etiquette is a dying art form. - To study the game film and figure some thing out this upcoming week. - To answer every question with some form of variation to, "That's something we're probably going to have to work on." - To show no sense of emotion that may give away my true feelings, because real men are stoic. - To defend my assistants to the bitter end, even when it means that I'll take the fall for their shortcomings. - To surround myself with leaders so they can ultimately lead my football teams. - To ensure that film crews always get the ideal angles of poorly executed plays.
Expert human resources manager. Have prevented massive bullying and employee harassment scandals from boiling over into what could have been a huge distraction for my workplace. Always have a firm grasp on the moral of my employees and have never once had a disgruntled employee actually act on his/her suicidal thoughts.
Extracurricular activities: Keen interest in artwork, more specifically oil painting - I find something very familiar, yet haunting about the works of Grant Wood.
Able to recognize personel contributions and personel organizations organized within the organization in dealing with management. Met head on and protected the management structure of the organization by promoting the individuals desire to a new environment where everyone prospered.
