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I guess I'll give this a shot

Discussion in 'Out of Bounds' started by dWreck, Aug 30, 2012.

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  1. dWreck

    dWreck formerly dcaf

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    Mods please delete- no need to have posts in the outreach forum so people can use it as weapons for personal attacks in other subs.
     
  2. MikeHoncho

    MikeHoncho -=| Censored |=-

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    Take some time and give her some space. DO NOT TRY TO TALK YOUR WAY BACK; YOU CAN'T NEGOTIATE ATTRACTION. Give it time and try to move on, or make her jealous by trying to get into some other broad's pants. Dont be desperate and she will be back.Sorry to hear about the death, bro.Also, try to sneak in the anal during the makeup sex.
     
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  3. dWreck

    dWreck formerly dcaf

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    All forum trolling aside, thank you. I was trying so hard to give her space and 4 hours into it i caved in and called her.... She seems really upset with herself and i've never really seen or heard her like this. stated shes going to get a journal to write her thoughts in.. and that maybe she might need to see a therapist.... I want to believe she will be back if I give her a little time.. but after this year I just expect the worst possible outcome. So I sit here alone..... and i'm going crazy.
     
  4. MikeHoncho

    MikeHoncho -=| Censored |=-

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    Back off. Dude, you gotta chill. Chat up some other honeys and start something new brotha.
     
  5. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    I will let the younger forum members who understand (or at least expeiance modern dating practices) give you counsel on the GF front. That is not my best venue. I view today's male-female interaction like a bizarre anthropology experiment but I digress.

    Grief counseling? Now you are in my wheelhouse. You are exhibiting all the classic syptoms of grief induced depression. Each loss has backed up the grieving response curve and you are being overwhelmed.

    Talk therapy is very effective in these cases. If you are memebr of a faith group check with them for local resources. If not, then check with the funeral homes that handled the services for your loved ones and ask them if they sponser a grief support group or know the location of one. Third choice would be your local mental health clinic or local college/university. This is very hard on you but it is a problem that affects a lot of folks so there are resources for you out there just find them.

    Best wishes
     
  6. dWreck

    dWreck formerly dcaf

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    Thank you for your suggestions. It's something I'll look into... If this gets any worse i'm sure i'd be up for anything.
     
  7. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    With all due respect, how much worse does it have to be if the love of your life had to leave. Even if the fight was "her fault" your mental state might just have had something to do with your reaction? Get the help now, my friend.
     
    Fin D likes this.
  8. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh

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    Ohio is right. You are only 22 and have been punched in the gut by morality more times than any person should int hat short of time.

    I want you to look at it like this, the younger you are the more resilient your body is and the less resilient your emotional state is. I bet if you got tackled, you'd spring right up and run a few laps. If I got tackled right now, I'd feel it till next week. I need help from pills, massages, etc.

    Your emotional state got tackled by a truck. You need some help to recover. Ohio is old. I mean really, really, really, really old. Like dust old. He also councils people through things like this all the time. Plus he's old. And even he would need some help to get through something like this. Which is saying something, cause he's old.

    There is no shame, no weakness in getting help for this. We ask for help all the time, and this is no different. Get right, you'll feel better and its the best chance you have of being happy. Don't go it alone.
     
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  9. BlameItOnTheHenne

    BlameItOnTheHenne Taking a poop

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    You win some, you lose some.
     
  10. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    yeah man I don't know what to tell you. just one find out whats the best way for you to deal with it and do so. I or whomever can tell you **** but they aren't you and they aren't in your position. two like it was said get counseling. Nothing wrong with a little help. Everyone needs help otherwise if you hold it in or try to deal with it on your own, you end up doing more damage usually. three if you find yourself always wanting to text her well it will take time. I recommend finding something you've always wanted to do and start finding out how to do it. Nothing wrong with keeping the lines of communication open either.
     
  11. dWreck

    dWreck formerly dcaf

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    Thank you everyone for your replies. I'm going to try to rely on my friends and work for the time being to keep me occupied. Im just not used to being alone... and everything just reminds me of her.

    therapy/counseling/group sessions will probably be something i look into.

    I've never gone through something this difficult. I don't feel as strong as I thought I was.
     
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  12. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    no one's that strong. and if they are it's probably because they are sociopaths..........
     
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  13. Ohiophinphan

    Ohiophinphan Chaplain Staff Member Luxury Box

    I was around when God made dirt, OK?

    I have also been a parish pastor for seven years longer than you have been alive. I have buried five grandparents (included in that is my grandfather's second wife), both parents, and my first wife. In other words, other than my daughter and now my bride, I have buried everyone I have ever loved. Add into that all the people I have worked with as a pastor, trust me I know grief. Heck, I even met Elizabeth Kubler-Ross "back in the day" at a conference. (look her up online) when she was just working out the, by now standerd, five stages of grief.

    When you talk to friends, they want to tell you their stories as well. Counselors listen to your story and that is what you need. We can do that some here but a dedicated face to face person works best.
     
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  14. Nappy Roots

    Nappy Roots Well-Known Member

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    I was in an almost identical situation. I lost my Grandmother, who raised me, to cancer. Worst thing that ever happened to me. To make it worse, my mental state was not good. So little things would make me snap. Me and my GF ended up breaking up soon after. I went as far as asking how she could leave me when I needed her most. The problem was, she was there for me. I didn't realize it until way later, that my actions and how I acted was out of line. Again, I didn't realize it at the time because I was just lost in reality. A few months later I move a couple hours away with 1 single friend, to get away from it all, it didn't help. It made it worse. I then moved back home hoping a good support system would help. I started drinking a lot. 6 days a week. Just not living well. Getting in fights, arrested, breaking my leg in dumb drunk incidents. I was in a pretty bad place.

    I didn't realize how bad of a place I was in. Well that same girl that broke up with me had moved out of town, this was the love of my life I had thought. Well after about 6 months of 0 communication, she got in contact with me one day and came down and hung out for a night with me. That happened a couple times, we boned of course. Well she came down one time and revealed something that changed my life. 1, my life was a mess. 2, she was preggo with my kid.

    That instantly changed my state of mind. My sadness started to leave my body, all I could think of was giving this kid a life I never had. Now obviously your situation is slightly different, unless you got her pregnant.

    But, my advice being there, is to find a good support system around here. Not the support that is going to have you drink yourself into a comma like me. The kind of people that will keep you busy with good things, sports, stuff like that. As far as the girl goes, I suggest talking about your problems, how you feel. Because me trying to be the tough guy and keep everything in with my life being turned upside down like that, just put me in a bad place. Which killed our relationship. Let her know you haven't been yourself, that you want her there to help you get through this and back to yourself.

    Now if that doesn't work, I suggest, and I know its hard, but try and move on ASAP. Even if your not sleeping with them, talk to a lot of females. Females and sports, 2 things that can get my mind off anything. Id guess that is the same thing with every guy. If she wants to be with you, you guys will be together. But you have to admit whats going on with you..


    Good luck bro.
     
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  15. Nappy Roots

    Nappy Roots Well-Known Member

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    I suggest you listen to this man for sure. I got in contact with Ohio for help. But I didn't follow through! I drink my thoughts away instead of talking about it and letting my feelings out. It didn't go well and just got worse and prolonged my feelings because I didn't follow through with the help.

    Dont be the tough guy, Ive been that my whole life! It doesn't help in this situation! It makes it worse! You need support!
     
  16. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    the moral of the story: don't use condoms.
     
  17. Boik14

    Boik14 Season Ticket Holder Club Member

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    1. Like Ohio said get help. Having a 3rd party that you have never met sometimes makes it easier to spill your guts about the stuff thats bothering you.
    2. Find a good outlet for your emotions and take your mind off of stuff. Whenever Im angry or annoyed I like to workout since that requires focus and energy. Comeback to what was bothering you after a good run or whatever. You'll have had some time to think about ways to get through this and have a better perspective on things.
    3. If the fight with your girl was her cheating on you dont take her back. If its anything else, dont grovel or beg, just apologize.
    4. What youre experiencing is kind of like a boxer who is about to be knocked out. You took the first punch to the jaw (death 1) and understandably you were a bit wobbly. Then punch two came and you staggered some more. Now punches 3 and 4 are feeling like a big time combination and knocked you off your perch a bit. You going to get back up or stay down? Life isnt out to get you, stuff happens and sometimes we just have to compartmentalize it and put it in perspective. Im sorry to hear about your grandparents and I dont mean to be snarky or rude (if it comes across that way) but they were probably older and that was bound to happen. The only thing you really had any control over was whatever happened with your GF. You cant control time but you can have some control over a relationship.

    Anyway thats my two cents. Hope it helped. If you need to talk, PM. I always check them.
     
  18. Nappy Roots

    Nappy Roots Well-Known Member

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    Hahaha
     
  19. MikeHoncho

    MikeHoncho -=| Censored |=-

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    Ladies Lounge never fails.
     
  20. Rocky Raccoon

    Rocky Raccoon Greasepaint Ghost Staff Member

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    Sorry to hear about your misfortunes brother. I can't pretend to know what it's like to experience so much loss in such a short time but I know what it's like to have a year where everything goes wrong because I just had it. I'm not going to get into my entire story because this isn't about me but I pretty much lost everything I had. I spent a year in a downward spiral and I didn't believe in anything or anyone anymore. Now I have to start over again.

    But things do get better. You learn to accept things and make the best of what you have. You learn to appreciate the little things more and you learn how to be strong and how to heal. There is no shame in asking for help. Believe me, I've been in the same boat as you. Too proud to ask people to help and it just made things worse. There's a hundred different kinds of support systems you can use to help guide you. Use them. That's what they're there for.

    Understand that everyone goes through struggles. Life ebbs and flows for everyone and sometimes it's just your turn to deal with adversity. That's life. So just continue to move and fight until you're back on the upswing. It will happen sooner than you think. It will make you stronger and will make you a better person in the long run. That's the one thing I got from my year of bad luck and destruction. It made me a better, stronger and bolder person.

    If there's anything you need, my PM box is always available. Please don't hesitate in asking for my help. I'd be happy to.

    Good luck and stay strong, bro!
     
  21. dWreck

    dWreck formerly dcaf

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    Nearly 4 months later...little over 3. Wow........ has it really been that long already? it seems like it was yesterday that I wrote the OP.....oh god... kinda hurts to re-read it. Funny enough I completely forgot I even did up until a minute ago, which... for all the countless daily hours I spend at TP thats kind of odd... but I was in a very dark place then.

    First of all, I really REALLY just want to thank everyone who helped me out, talked to me, and also to those of you who replied to this thread, or even took the time to read it. I took so much advice from a lot of you all, and it helped more than I can really explain. I may not agree with everyone about everything here, but we all come here as brothers with a common interest.... and this board and its people just flat out rock.. I'm very appreciative.

    And so life goes on, eh? My family has been helping me out a lot with everything as well, My sister has gone through what I just did but to much much worse of an extent with her past relationships. Her best words of wisdom that I took to heart was "You've had plenty of 'whatever' break-ups, but this was your first 'REAL' real break up. Everyone goes through it, and now that youve got it out of the way you can put it behind you and move on to the rest of your life." . I'm still not 100% over it, obviously. I imagine it would take much more time to COMPLETELY move on, but i'm definitely not the miserable wreck I was a few months back. I've been able to focus on 'me' now, and i'm starting to realize what that actually means. I've hung out with my friends more, partied more, spent more time with my family, focused a bit more at work and just flat out started relaxing more....listening to music..gaming... spending a ton of time on TP.. and all that good-stuff. I've started dieting and working out and have lost about 65 lbs. since the OP! (i'm very stoked about that lol). Someone else suggested to me, might have been here, that I start distracting myself by startin to talk to other girls asap, Now, in that previous relationship i wasnt 'allowed' to use facebook (don't ask, rofl) but I made one on that thought, and man, I have to say that has been distracting the **** out of me. and i've been doing it up like crazy. Lol.

    but man... I can say i'm so happy to be moving on with my life. The biggest help to me to get over this (imo) was that i stopped talking to her. The real 'turning point' for me was a month or two ago, I got a random text from her that just said "hey its me heres my new number xxxxxxxxx" in which I just stared at it for a few minutes...pondering on how to handle the situation....what to do........we hadnt talked in a couple weeks........ and then just deleted it... I don't want anything to do with her, and I can't see myself forgiving her any time soon. Now, We haven't spoke in several months and I have to say that REALLY has made things so much easier. I've been able to realize I don't need her anywhere near as much as I really thought I did, She even told me herself that I deserved someone better, and she was 100% right. I really do. And besides, she'll Never EVER EVER meet another guy who will put up with her BS like I did. My friends and family always thought she was wrong for me, and now I can look back and say thankfully We didn't get married and/or have kids.. Lol.

    On that note -- relationship aside -- This is going to be my first christmas without my mom, and my grandparents. It's going to be tough... Thanksgiving was pretty good though, surprisingly. we gave special thanks to those who were no longer with us and it was just all-around a lot better than I expected. But again, I thank everyone who helped and offered it, it's not easy to lose family, but life goes on, and I have plenty of good times to remember, and like I said at my moms funeral, Whether good things or bad, I wouldn't be the person I am today without her.

    Just figured I'd give an update for myself, mostly, but maybe anyone who happens to pass by. Me and my Dad are going to the phins/jags game sunday. Very excited.

    See ya!
     
  22. dWreck

    dWreck formerly dcaf

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    Hey Aqua, I really appreciate it man. and I'm not going to lie, you said it right, ignoring that text WAS one of the hardest things ive had to do... Like ever. But I really feel like it was the turning point for me, like I said . This year has been so brutal, I'm counting the days until its over. This is one new years I've really been looking forward to.
     
  23. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    yeah man. It's my experience that if someone isn't "right" for you , eventually it will all fall apart. Same happened to me, and I'm way better off today for it.
     
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  24. dWreck

    dWreck formerly dcaf

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    I'm starting to feel that way
     
  25. dWreck

    dWreck formerly dcaf

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    It is indeed hard, and the 'effort' imbalance was the biggest issue that was the catalyst to everything.
     
  26. slickj101

    slickj101 Is Water

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    Was in almost the exact same situation 3 years ago. Deaths aren't easy and when you add relationship issues or one ending (mine did) it compounds everything.

    Best thing to do about the deaths is just accept the fact that everyone only has x amount of time and at least you got to have those people in your life for 20+ years, which is a lot more than a lot of people can say.

    With the women it's just one of those things that's never fun to do but often has to be done. I broke up with this girl I was w for almost 4 years about 3-4 months after my mom and grandmother passed and that's one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Kind of a scenario when you know you have to let this person go bc it just doesn't work.

    Really you just have to have almost a zen kind of outlook on it and realize you have zero control of things like death and to an extent, relationships. You just have to roll with things and it'll make your everyday quite a bit easier.

    "Notice that the stiffest tree is most easily cracked, while the bamboo or willow survives by bending with the wind." - B Lee
     
  27. dWreck

    dWreck formerly dcaf

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    For whatever reason, I thought I was on your ignore list, although I don't believe I have a reason to be, LOL.

    and I'm starting to feel this way and get that self-realization like you are describing. (I kinda touched on that in my update). It's natural and the universal constant. I'm just trying to keep on keepin on. 'Out of sight out of mind' has been a theme that has been helping me work through a lot. (I love the quote by the way.).

    Pretty crazy you were in near an identical situation, solid advice none the less :up:
     
  28. slickj101

    slickj101 Is Water

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    lol It takes more than people'd think to get on there but nevertheless it grows like a weed.

    If you like that you'd like a lot of Bruce's philosophy. A lot of just not worrying about what you can't control.

    Yep when it rains it pours you know? No prob man hope it helped.
     
  29. unluckyluciano

    unluckyluciano For My Hero JetsSuck

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    I'm on there twice.
     
  30. slickj101

    slickj101 Is Water

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    Once for each of your personalities, Brandon.
     
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  31. dWreck

    dWreck formerly dcaf

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    ************Update.***********

    Well - i'm somewhat stuck now.

    Randomly on christmas day, I got a call from a number i didn't recognize. this was the verbatim conversation:

    Me: "Hello??"
    Her: "hey its me, I just wanted to wish you a merry christmas and stuff"
    Me: "Oh, Okay" -click-

    And I hung up, it felt pretty good, we hadn't talked in months, I have a lot of negative feelings and hate, but I actually ended up caving in and calling her back. We talked for like 15 mins or so and ended up texting eachother for what seems like all night. We somewhat made mutual plans to see eachother the weekend after next. Maybe go out and have dinner, just talk and stuff. Now... I'm in a very difficult position because I have mixed feelings.... I want to believe that I am a big enough person to be able to sit in front of her and realize -this is not what I want- and get closure and be able to walk away if thats how it is. Obviously by my OP I have a history of being a doormat and caving in to my emotions easier than most..... So as much as I want to believe I can be strong... I feel like thats not what is going to happen. She said she misses me, she is miserable (obviously) knows she f***ed up... etc.... So it was a bit tough for me to handle after going atleast 3-4 months without speaking. What do I do at this point? I need some advice on how to handle this, although I know its not something that can really be solved by someone telling me what to do..... Do I just not go and see her? Do I go out with her and flip a coin to see what the numerous outcomes could be? We kind of made plans already, but i'm really torn... I am pretty happy at the moment, i'm just starting to get into the flow of my life and all that. I've had one friend tell me to just go out with her to get closure and just see what happens... another friend told me going out with her is a huge mistake. My sister told me most people can mask love with hate and move on with their lives but never really fall OUT of love, so it makes things like this much harder.

    ****.
     
  32. Fin D

    Fin D Sigh

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    - Put the OP on your smartphone and leave it there all night. Every time you get weak, read what she did to you.
    - Make a deal with a buddy for him to text you all night reminding you how horrible she is and the **** you went through, and make it so you have to text him back every time otherwise he gets to do something horrible to you.
    - Stand her up, text her two hours after you were supposed to meet her and tell her it was your bad, you were busy ****ing and lost track of time.
    - Bring a buddy with you.
    - Bring another chick with you.

    Do any or all of those...AND make her pick up the check.
     
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  33. Frumundah Finnatic

    Frumundah Finnatic U Mad Miami?

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    Think about it.
    You were in your own personal hell because of her, you were miserable and just recently you've started to bounce back.
    Do not backslide, you would be going down that same road again, and is that what you want?

    Oh and for the record lmeister never jokes about sticking it in her pooper.
     
  34. Rocky Raccoon

    Rocky Raccoon Greasepaint Ghost Staff Member

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    I'm extremely late here but I want to offer a word of advice: Don't hold onto hate. Those bitter and angry feelings are awful. They do nothing but make you feel worse. Trust me, I've been there.

    People make mistakes all the time. No reason to feel anger and bitterness over the past. Find peace with yourself and move on.
     
  35. dWreck

    dWreck formerly dcaf

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    Mods please delete- no need to have posts in the outreach forum so people can use it as weapons for personal attacks in other subs. New people at that.
     
  36. Bruzer

    Bruzer New Member

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    They should bring back Anonymous Posting option.
     
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