CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL BRACKET CLICK BELOW TO VOTE IN THE OTHER 3 REGIONS THE CACKLE REGION THE CHUCKLE REGION THE GIGGLE REGION STAND UP COMICS George Carlin “If God had intended us not to masturbate he would've made our arms shorter” VS. Lewis Black Lactose intolerant milk? Kiss my dick! If you're lactose intolerant you can't drink milk. So what's in the ****ing carton? Get it out of there, get it away from my milk. It is talking to my milk and making it feel bad about itself ------------------------- Jeffrey Ross What can you really say about Carson Daly that hasn't already been said about that ******ed boy that won the lottery? VS. Steven Wright A while ago, I left my apartment building and walked my dog... on the ledge. A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. George Carlin clip http://youtube.com/watch?v=2Rlqjxst6xU&feature=related Lewis Black clip http://youtube.com/watch?v=4mCDZMWVWuc Jeffrey Ross clip http://youtube.com/watch?v=OAV898pqmIE Steven Wright clip http://youtube.com/watch?v=qPWGfnJ9X7c
STANDUP COMICS GONE TOO SOON DIVISION SEMI-FINALS* *Someone in round 1 was "gone too soon" from this tourney. The winner of this matchup will face the winner of a "Re-entry Poll" Mitch Hedberg I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too. VS. Sam Kinison YOU ****ING WHORE!!! You used me! You never loved me! I hope you slide under a gas truck and taste your own blood! DIE! DIE! DIE! I want my records back! I want my ****ing records back! Mitch Hedberg Clip http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2491LucLa1g Sam Kinison clip http://youtube.com/watch?v=K1GjyrQiSRs
Talent Free Zone STANDUP COMICS - HERE TOO LONG? DIVISION Rest easy folks, neither of these talent deficient comedy whores will make it to round 3. Their spot will be taken by the winner of a "Re-entry Poll" from one of the 62 worthy contestants "gone too soon" in round 1. Dane Cook I do all the little tricklets. Everybody does little tricks. I do the little I bite your lip and I suck your lip; and here's my signature move, here's my thing right here, I flick you in the eye, that's me. VS. Andrew Dice Clay Old Mother Goose…I ****ed her. Dane Cook clip http://youtube.com/watch?v=QQIzRCHW5sE Dice clip http://youtube.com/watch?v=BWzI_Wn0ZwM
Old School STANDUP COMICS - OLD SCHOOL DIVISION Rodney Dangerfield A girl called me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home. VS. Don Rickles There's Dom DeLuise there, sucking on the ice...trying to get another drink. Let me tell you quite frankly Dom, you have a bad body. ------------------------------ Bob Hope I thought Deep Throat was a movie about a giraffe. VS. Dean Martin Last night, a girl kept banging on my door for forty minutes... but I won't let her out! Dangerfield clip http://youtube.com/watch?v=VwZAIO7q9v8&feature=related Don Rickles clip http://youtube.com/watch?v=PH23UjMG5wQ Bob Hope clip http://youtube.com/watch?v=ADwXu1qtpak&feature=related Dean Martin clip http://youtube.com/watch?v=xXOpJ86o-_k
The Hosts THE HOSTS DIVISION Johnny Carson I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing. VS. Conan O'Brien This year there will be more cutting edge political wit and satire, and less random arbitrary humour that doesn't make sense. Isn't that right, Fidel Castro Rabbit DJ? ----------------------------- Stephen Colbert The greatest thing about George Bush is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday - no matter what happened Tuesday. VS. David Letterman There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting. Johnny Carson clip http://youtube.com/watch?v=EY3Lw_-bj5U Conan O'Brien clip http://www.hulu.com/watch/6322/late-night-with-conan-obrien-nbc-tour-part-1 Stephen Colbert clip http://www.hulu.com/watch/22547/the-colbert-report-tickling-the-rocks-610 David Letterman Clip http://youtube.com/watch?v=O1X5cQ1ymnQ